Mumma my goodness, how i can relate.

I weaned DD at 7 months, also due to health issues (mine) and i felt terrible, crushing regret. Unfortunately part of my health issue was very low supply and despite a few days of pumping (DD also seemed to forget how to suck at the breast within only a few weeks - to be honest it was tough getting her to latch by the end anyway because she was impatient and my let-down took ages) i was never able to get more than a squirt or two. What breaks my heart most is that i can STILL get those few drops, more than 2 years on!

Do i feel at peace? Yes. The deeper regret seemed to hang around until when i would realistically have wanted to wean her anyway (about 30 months in my case, though i hadn't been intending to feed that long, something just "let go" of me at that point and i began to think more about feeding the next one than how it went with the last one) but i didn't feel the pain you describe all that time. I felt regret and sadness that i couldn't talk about until she got her first teeth (about 9.5months) and then sadness i COULD talk about until she was about 30 months. Now? Now i have accepted that i did what i needed to do at the time, that it is done, and that it cannot be undone, and that we both survived fine. I can SEE how OK DD is, and you will see that in your DS too, and that helps, i no longer second-guess how well formula can nourish because she is who she is, KWIM?

As for re-lactation... Did i want to? Yes. Did i try? Yes. Did it work? Nope. Not for me. I wish it had. I wish i had kept even ONE feed a day for us so that i could recover my health and still be able to nourish DD that way, but it didn't happen for us.

I do not buy into the "best for baby" bit of the formula/BF/routines debate. Whatever YOU, his mother, want to try, is ok and is best for him. You cannot harm him with BFing, you can only harm yourself and your bonding, but you are now far more on top of those issues and know now how far you can let things go before taking action. If i were you i'd look at it like this - if you try to re-lactate you will know you've given it another go and won't have the same regrets (i did feel better once i'd tried, even though my supply didn't come back). And if you find he isn't interested or that when you begin to BF again you feel PND worsening you know you can stop and he will still thrive on FF because he has been this last month. So from that POV i would try to stop overthinking it all and do what your HEART tells you to do. PND has a way of making one second-guess every parenting decision, question one's motives and doubt one's instincts. But you ARE a good mother, you DO do a great job and following your instincts IS a valid way to care for your babies.

If that is to try letting him suck again then wait until he is fed but sleepy, or perhaps if he wakes to eat in the night, and put him to the breast then, when his awareness is dimmer and his instinctive feeding is more likely to kick in than the learned feeding technique for the FF bottle. Babies lose the tongue thrust and feed on for many years (your toddler did) and they never really lose the sucking reflex hun (i still suck my thumb and i'm 28!) so it's worth a go if it's what you want.

It is OK to put him to the boob. It's ok to offer him 20 times a day if you want. Just offer, if he fusses give him a bottle and try again another time, no pressure, for either of you. And if you feel you don't want to offer anymore you don't have to. It is all your choice hun, and you can do as much or as little as you want, however you please. Follow your instincts. When you were ill you KNEW you needed to wean - it was absolutely the right decision. If you're now feeling the instinct to feed again it is ok to do so! And if you no longer feel the instinct that is perfectly fine too - he is thriving either way.

Massive to you.

Bx