I give explanations still, and my eldest is 5yo. I give him less repetitions and I realise that he'll still need repetition for a while. Making an arbitrary time marker for when I stop giving repetitions doesn't make sense to me - if he needs it he needs it, and I accepted a long time ago that I'd be getting repetitive! I don't give 'warnings' in that sense, though I will let DS know how I'm starting to feel and the options open to him for changing that outcome or staying on that tack of action, without it sounding threatening. If I say we're going to leave somewhere as a result of him not listening to people so that everyone feels happy and safe then that's what I do once I realise he's just beyond making peace-making decisions. He deserves my explanations, he's still learning so much about the world and how to negotiate.
I rarely just say 'no' and expect them to understand exactly what I mean by that, because 'no' is not enough, though I was brought up to believe it was. It isn't respectful, IMO - I'd hate it if I was doing something and another person told me 'no' with nothing else in it. In fact, some people HAVE done this and it's ended badly - on a fireground I can accept that, because it's going to be in context and under extreme pressure, but I've had officers try that punitive crap with me and I lost so much respect for them. As an aside, since I left that brigade I have heard stories of treatment of members becoming more and more power-based and I think it's disgusting because they are now doing it to the Juniors...not exactly teaching them effective leadership! It all ties in with how I feel about teaching co-operation.
And, as I said, if DS is being taken out of a situation I go with him. It happens so rarely that I think I may have done it once this year. I've done yelling and so want to dispense with it, and I'm glad I haven't resorted to sending him off alone.
I don't do praise. For reasons Alfie Kohn articulates far better than I can, and he has an article on it specifically. It always sat ill with me and when I read his work it hit the nail on the head, made me cry and put words to feelings I had when I remembered my mum, in particular, using praise. Really, my genuine appreciation of DS's actions are reward enough, because he can see how his actions have helped and how that ends up with a happier mama. I don't threaten that I'll be angry or unhappy and I don't praise him in order to manipulate him into doing the action again. I don't want him to do things for my approval, but for the bigger picture of harmony, easier life and more time to have fun and enjoy each other. This is why doing it 'my' way (and plenty of others'!) takes longer and has more benefit over a life span, because it teaches the kids about intrinsic rewards - those that can't be revoked or bargained for, or induced by the promise of praise
I've had a long time to think about this, and I do get accused of 'over-thinking' it. I figured that it was best to 'over-think' it when DS was very little and have it come more easily to me when the going got tough and it has served me well. I still fall by the wayside (like I said, my vice is yelling, which snuck up on me and into the toolbox ) and the stuff I really thought about just doesn't happen because I trained brain out of it early on. It's challenging, that's for sure. The kids are worth the effort.
This is all stuff you learn in Parent Effectiveness Training that I'd love to get more formal education on (just finished my degree, it can wait a little longer!), and Alfie Kohn and Robin Grille borrow heavily from him in their writing.
Parenting doesn't have to be the minefield others make it out to be. Keeping the kids happy is also important, much to the disgust of those raised in the 50s when kids really weren't respected or considered important enough to tell parents that their actions affected their children into adulthood. The quintessential "but I turned out OK" generation who perpetuate war, punitive justice systems and inequality in legislation "OK" by what standard? Not by mine, anyway!
I know lots of people steadfastly stick to the praise and reward way of doing things, because it's what they know, or it's better than the abuse they copped as children. There's no rule that says you can't change your approach at any time and revise it in accordance with something that serves everyone better and respects the growing and absorbent spirits