Hahahahahaha!

Sometimes it can happen.

For example. You have a 4 year old that is quite repetitive in story telling to the point of annoying. And they often wait till a moment it's not appropriate, you're on the phone, you're trying to do something that requires lots of attention etc. But today they got hurt by another child at kinder and they want to tell you because this child is quite a bully and it's been effecting them a lot and they haven't had the courage to say anything. They start bugging you at a point when you can't give them your full attention, you drop something or do something because you are distracted that upsets you and then your immediate reaction because you are stressed is to lash out verbally to your child and tell them to shutup or go away or worse you swear at them. The child then runs away crying, because you're stressed instead of asking if they are ok you scream at them to stop crying like a baby. In your mind your actions are justified, you have absolutely NO IDEA your child is suffering emotionally and needs you. In doing that they start to think things are their fault. And guilt kicks in.

No it's not up there with putting out a cigarette on a child's arm, but it is detrimental.

Or better yet you are so tired you just want 5 minutes peace, you aren't as engaged as usual and the kids pick up on it and start playing up, doing things that they normally couldn't do because they have read your body language and lack of engagement as permission. You finally realise and snap and start screaming. They have no idea what they've done wrong because in their little minds they think when you didn't stop them from doing xyz when you normally would that it was going to be one of those magical days where they could do whatever they want. The reality is you were tired, and distracted and didn't notice. But they don't know that. And in your mind you see their behaviour as a personal attack, a total disregard to you. When it's not.

What I'm saying is do I think these things are abusive? No. But they do lead to a parenting relationship that is completely off the rails when instead of it being a rarity it becomes normal. And then you are left sitting back and wondering WTF happened. I'm not really talking about abuse here, I'm talking about ways to parent without smacking.