Wow. I could have written your exact same post. My mum passed away five years ago and also missed out on all those important milestones, wedding, pregnancies, grandchildren. Sure my dad is still here and my MIL but nothing can replace the ease of having your mum there just to....be there. I think I would be a lot more willing to give myself 'me time' if my mum was around. I find it difficult to ask for help but with my mum I didn't. She always understood 'me and my emotional tendencies. No one else does or ever will. I miss that so much. Just being able to cry on her shoulder for no reason. I miss her so much.

I guess the way that I console myself is that I have no idea what type of grandmother she would have been like. I imagine that she would have been wonderful and would have taken huge interest in our girls but one thing I've learnt is when it comes to children, people's reactions often surprise me. Deep down I know she would have been wonderful but to cope I tell myself that maybe she wouldn't have. Who knows? All I know is that I'm so glad that she was my mother and I hope that I can give my girls the type of relationship that I had with my mum.

I'm so sorry for your loss Lana xxx