Pressure to Have the "Perfect Birth"

[Tobily]

And I do know of OB's who are prepared to sit and support without doing anything...they are far and few between and all that I've heard of have been elderly, trained in bedside manner. It's not a new school trait, I"m afraid.

I agree Mayaness. Every hands off OB I have come across (and I had one in the public hospital for my first birth actually) was very old school, trained years ago before all these interventions were commonplace, and have what is fundamentally a "midwifery" view of birth. But sadly, they are a dying breed. And those replacing them are being trained in a completely different way.

[AndiE]

Women preparing to birth their babies should be as informed as possible about their choices, and then "back" themselves in their decision. I'd also suggest that some women preparing for labour should cover their ears with their hands and loudly sing "la la la" whenever birthing opinions are offered. Where birth is concerned, anyone who's done it has got an opinion, and if you don't want to hear it ... well, I've offered my advice on what to do.

IMO not enough women trust themselves in their decisions where labour is concerned. But I think that any woman who "goes with the flow" and relies on the Ob to do the right thing, is doing herself a disservice. Obs are great whenever there's a problem with birth, but they're a bit too handy at offering alternatives to a natural birth too. I think Obs are valued people in the medical profession, and God knows they have saved many mums and babies (ditto c-sections) ... but how many Obs are happy to sit back during the birth of a baby and let mum take control of her birth? Not too many, I'd suspect. They're paid lots of money, so it stands to reason they want to DO something during a birth. My Ob was a lovely person and did show support for my drug-free, intervention free plan ... but she couldn't help but add her medical two cents worth during our consults - and why shouldn't she, it was what I was paying her for. I decided to keep on going to my Ob, but realised early on that I had to stick to my guns and follow my head and heart where my intention for a natural birth was concerned. And yep, there was a bit of ear covering and "la la la" going on for me.

As the thread has gone beyond the questions posed in the OP, I'd like to add my experience. I was adamant I wanted a drug-free, intervention free birth. For whatever reason, Dh and I chose to go with an Ob and a private hospital (mainly because of the years I've been paying into priv. health insurance). Yes, some women at work said "go with the drugs blah blah" ... you can imagine what I did (hands on ears, etc). Anyway, to achieve the birth we wanted, DH and I did our best to inform ourselves, including a hypnobirthing course and lots or reading on natural birthing. The night I birthed my son, I went to hospital for a check after my waters had broken, and ignoring advice, I went home again to establish labour (at the time I was less than 2cm dilated but all was perfectly A-OK with bub and I). Just three hours later I returned to hospital and within 90 mins DS was born - no drugs, no intervention. All the Ob did was tell me how to push properly (in that, she did me an excellent service!). My point ... I backed myself. I felt if I'd stayed in hospital at less than 2cm dilated, I was in "their" hands ... not mine. As it happened, my son's heart rate dropped a bit during contractions, if I'd stayed in hospital and been constantly monitored, I honestly think I would've ended up with intervention - much against my better judgement. I heard afterwards that it's perfectly normal for bub's heart rates to drop during contractions.

My natural birth was a wonderful experience and I'm forever amazed that I was up and walking around just a half hour or so after the birth. Trusting my body, and going home to establish my labour helped me achieve my aim. Look, there is a place for intervention, drugs and c-sections ... of course there is. But the vast majority of we women were built to birth babies. Not all, but most. Unfortunately a large percentage don't trust their bodies to birth effectively.

Sorry, I've written a thesis. This is such an emotive topic, but I personally feel there are too many stories of horrid birthing experiences, birthing "pain", the need for drugs in birth etc etc. No wonder it scares/unnerves many women. Those of us who have had a good, natural birthing experience are keen to shout it from the rooftops in the hope that we can empower other women to give natural birthing a red hot shot.

To Sophiebear ... you're probably exasperated and maddened by the controversy your OP has caused on BB. However, your curiosity should be appeased to some extent. But if nothing else, I hope you can understand why so many have chosen to comment. Natural, drugs, c-section ... whatever the case, make your birth yours and own it.

Andie

[Steffi]

Hi Natty, after reading your posts it sounds like your my type of gal
Thanks for making me feel that it's ok to choose a priavte hospital and an ob. I am most comfortable with that especially for my first baby and believe me i have taken many years to decide which path to take so i believe it's an informed decision. I would like to have a doula as well and thanks for everyone's advice i will interview some others and see if i can get one i gel with better. I think i can probably guess which hospital you work at and i would love to know more about what it's like to deliver there, just excited about when i do. I think i am definately going to try to go with Dr Gubbay, do you know much about him???

[MantaRay]

I'd also suggest that some women preparing for labour should cover their ears with their hands and loudly sing "la la la" whenever birthing opinions are offered.

I'm not sure I agree with this. People who have experienced something we haven't experienced yet should be a good source of information for us. That used to be the only way people learnt about things. I think the thing is that those of us who have BTDT need to ensure that we share our experience in a postive and supportive way, and understand that our values and desires might not match those of the person we are talking to. And the person who is listening needs to filter the information, to try and understand the facts and important bits of what is being said, while discarding any emotion or persuavisness that is clouding the issue.

Sadly, the "advice offering" is only going to continue once the baby is born, so it doesn't hurt to learn early that "hmm interesting" is a suitable response whether you totally agree or not.

[scooby]

Girls firstly thanks for i think i may have saved a fortune on counsiller fees but i had a revelation last night or should i say at about 3am this morning when i was still lying awake pondering!
I am scared, very scared, im pregnant and this bub has to come out some how ! im terrified of another vb ( and in reference to history i meant a bit more recent, my mum almost died giving birth to me, in a rural birthing centre in S. Africa, my aunt and MIL both lost children during childbirth again in country locations and a good family friend who is also a midwife ended up with a child with severe diability and hydrocephalus after trying to have a vb without knowing she had placenta previa) this is more what i meant about more info today in regards to even are parents generation! and i am absolutly terrified of having a CS to me both have risks that i have to consider. I would like to also say that i have 2 very best friends both pregnant with their 1st and i would never say not to have natural birth nor harp on about my experience as everyones is so different. My advise to them has been simple be informed, be educated, be impowered but know that if things dont go to plan it doesnt make you any less of a woman and more importantly a mother!! I have felt like i have had no control over this whole process ive already taken such risks injecting myself with drugs everyday, a case of OHSS, surgery. There has been nothing natural about any of it !!! To be honest studying homoeopathics and natural medicine it goes against every grain in my body and i feel so "let down" by my beliefs. So as for my revelelation after all that ranting and raving:
Im angry and sad i feel so much of this wonderful process has been taken away from me and to end it with a CS just tops it all off, i can get as angry as i want with insensitive comments, having CS risks thrown at me at every turn and to be honest in another website which i abruptly left i almost felt abused, but its NOT their problem its mine and if i was feeling strong enough i probably wouldnt care what other people said. Im also jealous i want to have a beautiful empowering birth i want to rave about the wonder the beauty the joy, that i know it can be. BUT,I have been given such an important gift and gone through so much to have it. No matter how this child comes into the world i know it will be so loved, so wanted and needed. The birth of my son was horrendous i couldnt hold him for 3 days which i know isnt long, i expressed till i could feed him and when i finally picked him up it was the most wonderful moment. I cant imagine that i could possibly love or bond with him more, no matter what happened in the beginning. I heard the most wonderful analogy yesterday. A wedding is one day and no matter how great that day is or how awful it is or how things go wrong, it is ONE day and does NOT effect the state of the relationship be it good or bad!!
Today i feel empowered this baby is going to come into the world in whatever manner it does and i now know that it will not change the love or bond i will have with it, to me thats all that matters.
Sorry SB for hijacking your thread and once again thanks for the wonderful counsil (where would i be without BB)

[thepixie]

Hi Scooby I was watching your other thread too and just wanted to say and - great to see that you are feeling better about the birth... You will be just fine. it's hard when you feel vulnerable and people are telling you all these things, often without knowing your situation. But good on you for making your own choices based on what's best for you and your baby. Everyone's situation is different and you have to choose what is right for you.
We'll all be right here cheering you on, whatever you decide.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Scooby - the difference is that you are armed with a lot of knowledge as to what will happen, and that is empowering! I often say that knowing the risks of something allows you to put into place measures to compensate for them. There are things you can implement, like skin to skin contact ASAP to establish BFing and bonding, natural third stage (if possible), so it doesn't all need to be taken completely out of your hands Knowledge is power, and you have that now.