Pressure to Have the "Perfect Birth"

[MantaRay]

I'd also suggest that some women preparing for labour should cover their ears with their hands and loudly sing "la la la" whenever birthing opinions are offered.

I'm not sure I agree with this. People who have experienced something we haven't experienced yet should be a good source of information for us. That used to be the only way people learnt about things. I think the thing is that those of us who have BTDT need to ensure that we share our experience in a postive and supportive way, and understand that our values and desires might not match those of the person we are talking to. And the person who is listening needs to filter the information, to try and understand the facts and important bits of what is being said, while discarding any emotion or persuavisness that is clouding the issue.

Sadly, the "advice offering" is only going to continue once the baby is born, so it doesn't hurt to learn early that "hmm interesting" is a suitable response whether you totally agree or not.

[scooby]

Girls firstly thanks for i think i may have saved a fortune on counsiller fees but i had a revelation last night or should i say at about 3am this morning when i was still lying awake pondering!
I am scared, very scared, im pregnant and this bub has to come out some how ! im terrified of another vb ( and in reference to history i meant a bit more recent, my mum almost died giving birth to me, in a rural birthing centre in S. Africa, my aunt and MIL both lost children during childbirth again in country locations and a good family friend who is also a midwife ended up with a child with severe diability and hydrocephalus after trying to have a vb without knowing she had placenta previa) this is more what i meant about more info today in regards to even are parents generation! and i am absolutly terrified of having a CS to me both have risks that i have to consider. I would like to also say that i have 2 very best friends both pregnant with their 1st and i would never say not to have natural birth nor harp on about my experience as everyones is so different. My advise to them has been simple be informed, be educated, be impowered but know that if things dont go to plan it doesnt make you any less of a woman and more importantly a mother!! I have felt like i have had no control over this whole process ive already taken such risks injecting myself with drugs everyday, a case of OHSS, surgery. There has been nothing natural about any of it !!! To be honest studying homoeopathics and natural medicine it goes against every grain in my body and i feel so "let down" by my beliefs. So as for my revelelation after all that ranting and raving:
Im angry and sad i feel so much of this wonderful process has been taken away from me and to end it with a CS just tops it all off, i can get as angry as i want with insensitive comments, having CS risks thrown at me at every turn and to be honest in another website which i abruptly left i almost felt abused, but its NOT their problem its mine and if i was feeling strong enough i probably wouldnt care what other people said. Im also jealous i want to have a beautiful empowering birth i want to rave about the wonder the beauty the joy, that i know it can be. BUT,I have been given such an important gift and gone through so much to have it. No matter how this child comes into the world i know it will be so loved, so wanted and needed. The birth of my son was horrendous i couldnt hold him for 3 days which i know isnt long, i expressed till i could feed him and when i finally picked him up it was the most wonderful moment. I cant imagine that i could possibly love or bond with him more, no matter what happened in the beginning. I heard the most wonderful analogy yesterday. A wedding is one day and no matter how great that day is or how awful it is or how things go wrong, it is ONE day and does NOT effect the state of the relationship be it good or bad!!
Today i feel empowered this baby is going to come into the world in whatever manner it does and i now know that it will not change the love or bond i will have with it, to me thats all that matters.
Sorry SB for hijacking your thread and once again thanks for the wonderful counsil (where would i be without BB)

[thepixie]

Hi Scooby I was watching your other thread too and just wanted to say and - great to see that you are feeling better about the birth... You will be just fine. it's hard when you feel vulnerable and people are telling you all these things, often without knowing your situation. But good on you for making your own choices based on what's best for you and your baby. Everyone's situation is different and you have to choose what is right for you.
We'll all be right here cheering you on, whatever you decide.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Scooby - the difference is that you are armed with a lot of knowledge as to what will happen, and that is empowering! I often say that knowing the risks of something allows you to put into place measures to compensate for them. There are things you can implement, like skin to skin contact ASAP to establish BFing and bonding, natural third stage (if possible), so it doesn't all need to be taken completely out of your hands Knowledge is power, and you have that now.

[Natty]

Steffi - have you sent you a private message.

Natty

[paradise lost]

Scooby the problem with birth is when the choices are taken away, when it happens to you. But birth is not going to "happen" to you - YOU are going to HAPPEN to BIRTH! You've done a lot of research, you have fears, yes, but it hasn't stopped you learning about your options.

It sux that your choices are not as broad as other women's, but you still have the power to choose and that WILL make a difference. When all our options are limited, frightening or not quite what we want choosing can be so hard, but you know you seem well-informed and are managing to be calm in the face of this.

I have confidence in you Scooby. You will make the right choice for you, and you will get the best birth you can. Whether that be a vaginal birth where you prove the "short perineum" theory wrong, or a c-section which is calm and blissful (i myself was born that way) and you recover well from. Your eyes are open, your baby cannot ask for more.

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