Girls firstly thanks for i think i may have saved a fortune on counsiller fees but i had a revelation last night or should i say at about 3am this morning when i was still lying awake pondering!
I am scared, very scared, im pregnant and this bub has to come out some how ! im terrified of another vb ( and in reference to history i meant a bit more recent, my mum almost died giving birth to me, in a rural birthing centre in S. Africa, my aunt and MIL both lost children during childbirth again in country locations and a good family friend who is also a midwife ended up with a child with severe diability and hydrocephalus after trying to have a vb without knowing she had placenta previa) this is more what i meant about more info today in regards to even are parents generation! and i am absolutly terrified of having a CS to me both have risks that i have to consider. I would like to also say that i have 2 very best friends both pregnant with their 1st and i would never say not to have natural birth nor harp on about my experience as everyones is so different. My advise to them has been simple be informed, be educated, be impowered but know that if things dont go to plan it doesnt make you any less of a woman and more importantly a mother!! I have felt like i have had no control over this whole process ive already taken such risks injecting myself with drugs everyday, a case of OHSS, surgery. There has been nothing natural about any of it !!! To be honest studying homoeopathics and natural medicine it goes against every grain in my body and i feel so "let down" by my beliefs. So as for my revelelation after all that ranting and raving:
Im angry and sad i feel so much of this wonderful process has been taken away from me and to end it with a CS just tops it all off, i can get as angry as i want with insensitive comments, having CS risks thrown at me at every turn and to be honest in another website which i abruptly left i almost felt abused, but its NOT their problem its mine and if i was feeling strong enough i probably wouldnt care what other people said. Im also jealous i want to have a beautiful empowering birth i want to rave about the wonder the beauty the joy, that i know it can be. BUT,I have been given such an important gift and gone through so much to have it. No matter how this child comes into the world i know it will be so loved, so wanted and needed. The birth of my son was horrendous i couldnt hold him for 3 days which i know isnt long, i expressed till i could feed him and when i finally picked him up it was the most wonderful moment. I cant imagine that i could possibly love or bond with him more, no matter what happened in the beginning. I heard the most wonderful analogy yesterday. A wedding is one day and no matter how great that day is or how awful it is or how things go wrong, it is ONE day and does NOT effect the state of the relationship be it good or bad!!
Today i feel empowered this baby is going to come into the world in whatever manner it does and i now know that it will not change the love or bond i will have with it, to me thats all that matters.
Sorry SB for hijacking your thread and once again thanks for the wonderful counsil (where would i be without BB)