well, its not the best of news and still puts me in limbo land.
The results came back that yes i am pregnant, but in 10 days the levels have only risen from 29 to 73.
The dr was very shocked and said he would have expected them to be in the hundreds by now, and really so did i.
So he said its good the numbers are rising, it could mean that im only very early pregnant, or its just really low hcg.
I got a positive test weeks ago, and if anything i would only be a week difference and he was talking 2- 3 weeks, so the time frame doesnt fit with everything else.
He said we could do another hcg blood test, but said he would rather just wait to see what the scan says on monday.
He said hopefully we see a heart beat, or even just a sac.
well just as i was typing all this i went to the loo and i have started heavy bleeding, and have passed a clot, i dont think it was baby, but bleeding is just like af.
Oh Darl, thats really sad news. I guess still wait and see what the u/s says on Monday. If you are in any pain it is safe to take paracetemol. Grab a heat pack and hop into bed.
as much as i am trying to stay strong, the bleeding is far too much like af, and i have mild cramps on my left side, im trying to fight back the tears, but my eyes are just burning, hubby wont talk, so all i have is this post, im sitting in front of the stupid computer crying.
Hubby and i are fighting, i asked him to stay home tomorrow, and he wont, he said he has to work.
I was alone when i had my first angel baby, i dont wanna do this alone again.
I cant do it.
I am so sorry that you are going through this and feel so alone.
I wish i could give you some comfort and a big hug IRL.
Please know that i am thinking of you.
Just a thought - Maybe your DH doesnt know what to say or is struggling with his own feelings ? I hope you are able to have a talk.
Oh hun, I am so sorry you feel so alone ATM, many hugs to you sweetie, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that all is well with your bubbie, please stick little one!!!
Lisa - my beautiful friend... i have just Pm'd you.
As for D, sweetheart, sadly he is dealing with this the only way he knows how... this is very similar to way back in oct/nov last year. I believe, as i said to you then, he struggles, truly struggles with seeing you sad or dissapointed..and definately hurting. He doesnt know how to handle seeing you this way, in himself i mean. Or, the fact that he has no power or control over what is happening, he is your man and he cant stop what is hurting you right now. For some men, that is more than they can bare. And doing what he is doing (by going to work = going into cave), is his default mechanism.
I truly hope before the early hour's of daylight tomorrow, you both have been able to talk, or he has been able to see and been able to put his fears/feeling's aside, to be able to be there and hold you through this. If it wasnt for the K's you KNOW i would be there in an heartbeat!!
What i said in my PM stands.... as it has for the past 7 months and will continue to do so.
I am for a positive outcome to this babe, from the utter core of me!
stick baby - stick like no other baby has ever stuck before!!!
Last edited by Papillon; May 6th, 2009 at 01:37 AM.
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Im so very sorry you are going through this and feeling so alone. Just know that although it doesnt help the your DH is dealing with it in his own way. It took about 6 years for my husband to break down over the loss of the twins, he kept it to himself for all that time not wanting to hurt me anymore than I was. The thing is I thought it didn't effect him at all and felt wrong for greiving myself so I'd hide it and cry in the shower. I did that for years we didn't talk about it or acknowledge it in anyway until I hit a wall and was a emotional mess. Now they are apart of our family we celebrate them with living roses, candles, tattoos, names, their brother and sister include them in our family tree.
For years I thought he didn't care but men are just so very different than us I'm sure yur DH just doesn't know what to do.
I hope things turn around for you and everything turns out alright but if not just be kind to yourself and do what you need to get through it regardless of how DH deals with it.
Takecare, BIG HUG!!!!
Missy
Oh anila. i just found this thread. I'm so sorry you are going through this uncertainty. Just hold on to that bubba.bubba hold on to mumma. if you need anything today let me know as im free.
lots of sticky vibes for you hun.
Anila, I am so very sorry you are going thru this, I wish I lived near you and I would come and look after you today so you didnt have to be alone. I truly hope your DH did stay home for you. My DH has never talked about our Angels, just what we went thru to have our DD"s. I often felt alone in my grief from the loss of my Angels because I felt as tho I couldnt cry in front of anyone need alone him. I hope DH supports you thru this most difficult time sweety. Lots of hugs.
I just want to say a big thankyou to everyone here for all your support, however i dont think it is looking very positive, i have continued to bleed and loose clots, i am thinking that maybe the clot i passed last night was infact my baby, the blood is heavy like af but hasnt yet fully come onto the pad, im not sure if thats because i have been lying down.
Hubby went to work today and although i harrased him with texts messages telling him i needed him to be here with me, he said he couldnt, i told him i hated him, and i dont.
I cant stop the tears, im still in my pjs, the house is just feral, the kids are fighting, and i dont want to be going through this.
I have never delt with loosing my angel baby almost 11 years ago, i think about that baby every single day, and it hurt that i was alone then, that my partner at the time would rather go off and cheat on me than be there for me, so im hurting even more that my hubby choose work over me, its a job he hates, he looks for excusses everyday not to go to work, and i give him the perfect one.
I wanna see a sac and a heartbeat on monday, but i know, i feel it, my baby has gone...
I so wish I could be there today, even if it was to do a bit of housework for you so you could relax (and believe me, I hate housework, so thats a big thing!!)
And DS could run wild with your kids so I wouldn't have him hanging off me
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Hopefully it all turns out okay. You know we will all be here for you 
ing for you too... and sending you lots of hugs and comfort 
I am 
stick baby - stick like no other baby has ever stuck before!!! 
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