Why do LTTTCers seem to prefer a c/s?

[Jennifer13]

Bec, it is so good to hear that women who conceive the natural way also tend to feel the same sorts of pressures. You have just reduced the "I am an infertile freak" feeling by many, many times.

Could it be something so simple as ALL women need to be more honest about how pregnancy, birth and parenting effects them so that LTers get a better idea that what they are feeling is NORMAL, even though it may be magnified somewhat?

Oh boy, BW, you don't need to feel 'different', like Bec our DD was a complete accident and because I 'chose' to have her, my DP wouldn't hear a word of complaint then (and still to some extent now) because it was my 'choice' to be a mother. Like he was somehow just carried along in this tidal wave of parenthood with no say!

Can I just say, despite having suffered depression in the past, despite an emotionally very difficult unplanned pg (altho not physically), the birth I did not want, a relationship that's still troubled, etc, etc (I'm sure you can insert your own difficulties into a list like this!) it did not make me an inadequate mother who couldn't cope. Everyone has difficulty coping sometimes for their own reasons. I didn't have trouble coping because I've had depression in the past, I had trouble coping because it's damned hard work (largely unappreciated and not supported enough!). I didn't resent being called upon by my baby when I really just wanted to sleep (and I had no right to complain apparently, since mostly she slept well) because we didn't bond immediately after birth. I resented being woken up because I quite like my sleep and I'm kinda used to it! Plus, I don't operate well when I'm tired.

It IS the same for everyone, but for LTTTCers I would imagine there's that extra layer of guilt (internal and external) that the reality of your dream should always be perfect, and if it's not, is it you?

But it'd be kinda like saying you waited 25 years to meet your husband and you have no right to complain when he annoys the ***** out of you for behaving in what might be a completely normal way for him/a man, but annoying nonetheless!

[nic]

The clinic we went through was QFG, and they have a committee called "Friends of QFG" you get quarterly newsletters, with notices of meet ups for various outings (last newsletter I still have is from FEB, and it has on the front, dates for...a cuppa and a chat, play and a chat, a guys get together for men only, a yet to succeed breakfast for ladies only.
They request that babies and children are not taken along to the activites unless it is the play and chat outing.
They have email addressess in the newsletter, so you can contact other people, and a country contact section for us 'country girls' as well.

Is this something unique to QFG or do other clinics have something similiar operating?
Unfornately because we live so far from the clinic, I was unable to go to any of the events, but had I lived closer, I would have certainly taken advantage of them.

Nic

[butterfly_warrior]

Nic, I think it's pretty unique to QFG, I've not heard of anything similar anywhere, which is a real shame. It sounds absolutely fantastic and something that is needed in many other places.

BW

[briggsy's girl]

monash have similar for their ivf girls but the newsletter is all about cycling. meet ups are few and far between. my paid membership expires next month so i wont renew

[Kmn]

I have stayed in contact with the lovely clinic staff - had lunch with them a week before bub was born, and he has been back to meet those who made him. We'll keep on visiting every so often - they like to see "their" babies!

[scooby]

Hi
I think all those suggestions are great, i would also love some kind of education program for family and friends as there is that "well now your pregnant, get on with it attitude" My mum who has been pretty good through the whole thing really surprised me yesterday as i was saying how it was going to be such a shock to the system again getting up and down all night for feeds and she was almost annoyed with me saying something that equated to just be happy your pregnant! I think they truly need to have a firm understanding how we feel, why sometimes we want to talk other times its please can we talk about something else,, the trials of many different things e.g. family events, secondary infertility etc.

[numa]

Hi all

I just stumbled on this thread, and have managed to read all of it although my eyes are now feeling like this !

DH and I are hoping and trying to prepare as much as we can for a VB. I'm also trying to keep an open mind, as I don't want to feel like a failure if I don't get the birth I want... But we have bought the Pink Kit and are working through that, and DH heard about this thing called Epi-No which we bought (it kind of makes me laugh, but I'll try anything). We've discussed with our Ob that we really really want a natural birth.

But the fact that we have chosen to go with an Ob in the first place already has medicalised our pregancny and birth more than going with regular midwife or birth centre care (I guess?). I actually would really prefer to be birthing in a birth centre, or even a part water birth. But being an IVFer and also being on Clexane for Factor V Leiden, I felt like I needed more continuity of care. I wanted to see the same person every visit and also someone very knowledgable. I wasn't sure I would get this as I heard with a birth centre you will see whoever is on the day you visit for a checkup.

Its true you leave your IVF clinic in such a fragile and scared state - is this baby going to stick around? am I going to miscarry? You want someone to 'hold your hand' so to speak. But I agree that this is where some kind of support group or service would be invaluable. Somewhere where we can also find out what our options are. I had been advised by my FS to go with an Ob, and I didn't even know how to find out if I was eligable for a Birth Centre model. Its also so hard to book in with an Ob of choice even at 7 weeks when you are still grappling with the idea of being pregnant, you feel slightly ridiculous booking an Ob and choosing where you will give birth!

I feel like I do trust my body to be able to birth and breastfeed, but I have no natural innocence around pregnancy and birth having been through miscarriage and IVF. Hence, I want this precious little bub watched closely, just in case.

The challenge will be to balance staying true to our wishes of a natural birth with trusting the Ob to do her job. I guess its our responsibility to educate ourselves as much as possible. And then, just hope and trust - it got us this far didn't it!