reallyreally scared

[livvy]

Katypila -women need a man like a fish needs a bicycle!

this is so true! just remember that you are worth infinitely more than your ex. he's a shmok and that's all there is to it. there is more to life than sex with a bloke. even just on your own you can pretty often get a much better result lol. and to be honest (i don't know abut others here) but i totally lost interest in any form of sexual stuff in first trimester..

one thing that i was told to help get alot of things out and stop internalizing them, was to write it all down on a piece of paper, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense or is irrational or *****y or anything, just to get it all out. then rip it up and burn it. like a liberation of your feelings and thoughts.

can you talk to your mum or dad or siblings (if you have any) about your depression? or a best friend or confidant? and then there are some counsellors that are really great too!

do let us all know how you're getting on. you're right. people are really lovely here. and that includes you too. i sometimes post just to get my thoughts in order. it really helps. don't worry about how people might react to what you have to say, because we are all here to support you. and when you're ready you'll find yourself supporting people from your font of wisdom too.

just remember you are beautiful inside and out and i know how cheesy that sounds but just by what you've said already we can all tell that you are a caring and wonderful person.

love liv x

[satya]

I wont sugar coat it, at times single parenthood is really hard, mostly it's rewarding, but sometimes incredibly hard. Don't forget you will get baby bonus & will be entitled to other Centrelink payments so financially you should be OK as long as you stay with your parents. As others have said a baby doesn't take up a lot of room so you should have no reason to move out at first. Later you might like to have your independence.

Don't forget that you've got months to get used to the idea so hopefully you will come to terms with it. If not there is always adoption. Very few babies get adopted out these days so if you went down that road you would be providing an infertile couple with a very much wanted baby to cherish.

Once you get yourself booked in to a hospital for the birth you should ask to see the hospital social worker because it really does sound like you could do with some help.

[livvy]

and don't be afraid to ask! it can be daunting, but you are brave and you deserve it. it's so worth having the help. this is the time to really focus in on you, because if you can be well then baby is too.

go well hun x

[livvy]

hey hun!

how're you going today? i hope you're doing okay and are getting some of your thoughts together. i skipped class yesterday, which was a bit naughty but hey! and had a sleep on the couch instead. was having a day of feet up doing nothing lol whilst waiting for midwife to call me back. how're you getting on with your day? what is it you're studying? i hope you're not finding it all too tough at the moment.. it is possible i promise! my first trimester was totally exhausting.. couldn't get through all my readings for uni as would just get home from work and fall asleep lol. couldn't even be bothered getting out of bed to talk to my flatmate, so we'd have conversations via text until he worked out i was in my room lol and would come speak to me if just to say "you want pizza for tea? my shout".

but yeah. just think, you'll be second trimester for all of summer and that is way better! no sickness, not much tiredness, better skin lol. i even lost two kilos between weeks 14 and 18 lol! but have got alot bigger since then lol!

anyway. give us a bell if you need anything or just want to chat or vent or whatever! am around pretty often.

and one thing that my ex's sister said to me (who has had 2 terminations and 3 children) that we are blessed really, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. to be able to get pregnant and have children is a gift that not everyone has , and you've got that gift. and remember adoption is an option too, and a pretty amazing one. to be able t share your gift with someone less fortunate. my cousins are adopted, so i think it's pretty special. you can watch them grow from a distance if you don't think you're ready for this then.

hope you're having a lovely day! i don't know where newcastle is, but i hope it's sunny!

love liv x

[Stevie]

Hi sweet,
I just wanted to give you my support. Im not single, so i dont really know where your coming from in that respect, but i can tell you if the father to my baby didnt want to be around.. i would rather him out of my life. and the babies. I am freaking out about having a baby too, but i think its all pretty normal, your creating a little human that you will look after for the rest of its life, thats an extra heart string you have created, its not all going to be fun and games, but i tell you what, i havent even had this little princess yet and i already love her more than i ever thought i could, and i know when i finally meet her i will somehow love her MORE
Do yourself a favour tho sweet, dont worry yourself about the labour, this is my first so i dont know what im in for yet, but ive only honestly just started looking into it the last few weeks, i purposely didnt think about it before now coz i didnt want to spend 7-8 months freaking out about something that HAS to happen.
If you ever need to talk, im here. and this place (BB) is seriously the best place for you to come, all the laides here are awesome.

[livvy]

hey hun,

just thought i'd check in to ask how you are.. you've been quiet for a few days and i have to say i'm a little worried about you and bub (sorry! probably completely misplaced!).. is everything okay? i guess i just worry because you sound as though you're in a really fragile place. and it is scary and lonely. but that's what bb is here for. there are so many wonderful people here who have so much insight. mostly because they've been there.. there will also be a forum for women with the same due date as you, and you never know maybe there might be someone in there that's local to you, someone to have coffee with and find a whole new support network locally to you!

i hope you are okay and bub is too. it'll all work out as the universe has planned it and it'll be okay. you'll see.

[brydz]

Be strong sweetie.

You can do this. You and your baby will do good

I have a friend who got pregnant to her ex, they tried to live together in a house and take care of their little man together, but still not be together.
Yesterday I found out he kicked her and the baby out. What an ass. She is better off without him.

And one of my 2 best friends is pregnant, her ex dumped her after finding out she was pregnant, didn't want to be a father, pulled the have an abortion line etc.

I think they will both be fine. And I think you will be.

at the moment I'm in limbo, waiting for AF to come, and if it doesn't and it turns out I'm pregnant I'll probably be in the same situation as you guys as well! IF i turn out to be pregnant I would keep it for sure, but the father is a close friend and I don't know how much he'd want to be involved/not involved. Will have to wait and see.

[Dotty_R]

Im 24 single and pregnant
Im reallyreally scared about being pregnant and being a mum alone, ive been crying almost non stop for days and even now i can't see the computer screen through my tears
i know who the father is and he knows that I'm having his baby . he says he wants nothing to do with it. over and over the other day he was saying i should get an abortion. as if my reasons for keeping the baby are stupid. I can't kill something that is alive inside me I dont think im irrational. or stupid. he thinks the child will be soo messed up because it wont have a dad and because im mentally ill, like im sub human .

my eyes sting my nose stings i dont know if i make sense i cant eat cause i want to vomit Im so tired Im scared
Im scared
really really scared

Hi,

My partner had been saying the same things since I was 6 weeks pregnant, im 20 weeks now and he said he would leave if i was having a girl, we found out its a boy and he made no difference,

he says he hates the baby, he hopes the babys stillborn, and just today he left me,

Iv been crying my eyes out all day,

i dont have anything wise to say to you, because this is still very fresh for me, but if you ever want to talk, Id like it alot.

[Stevie]

oh dotty r you poor poor thing

you guys can do so much better. real men dont walk away from the responsibilties.

If you ever need to talk, im here

[livvy]

hey dotty honey,

i see you don't have any private message thing available.

sweetie i have to say i'm really worried about you. what would ever induce anyone to say anything like that is just plain appalling and sick. in my opinion you need to walk away now. it does not need to be permanent but he needs to think that it is. call me a manipulative b**** if you like but i just think that you need to make a really strong statement. how he reacts will show you what you need to know. i'm only 23 and have been having issues with my ex, but nothing as bad as you hun.. what you're experiencing right now is just not acceptable on any level.. do you have anyone to turn to? family? friends? a counsellor? even your midwife might be able to give you some names of support agencies. because you need all the help you can get. he is not worth the strain. your wellbeing is so important right now because everything you feel, your beautiful baby feels.

please dotty, let us know how you are. how's your pregnancy going? is everything okay with bub? is he busy? does he bring happiness to you? i know i would be lost now without my bump. he keeps me company when things are scary or sad.. seems to know when i need him, he'll make his presence known.

you need to show the father just where he stands. if he doesn't want to hang around so be it, but make sure he knows he can't come back. he won't be allowed to push or baby around. just cut him off. either he'll embrace the isolation or be desperate for you to relent. look to others for your support now, like your friends and whanau. you deserve it. i can't emphasise this enough. you deserve all the love and support in the world right now.

and katypila, hun, please let us know how you are. i know you were still just in teh first week really of knowing, so i guess anything could have happened. are you still pregnant? i am a great believer in the will of the universe. if you are then this is how it's meant to be. that's why i'm pregnant (to a man who i care about but who can get f***** if he trys to push me and baby around). but if you're not then maybe the time isn't right, and there is someone waiting just around the corner to make you incredibly happy and want you to be his life partner and the mother of his children. but if you still do have your gorgeous baby on board, then there is a reason for that. maybe s/he will be your life calling, regardless of who the father is.

you know hun. if you ever need to talk i'm around, and i check my mail most days. so if you want to set up your private message service i would love to hear how you're going. and just remember: que sera sera - what will be will be.

[rhyb]

Dotty R honestly this is when we wipe our hands clean and be strong for our kids. We can do it by ourselves and believe me my son doesnt miss out on anything cz I dont allow it. My friend Joel will play ball with Aiden and play cars with him on the floor for ages cz sometimes Aiden just likes to have a guy around but he never cries for Joel or Daddy cz hell make do with me
We play in dirt and kick the ball and do all that stuff thats refered to as father/son stuff and hes not phased.
While its great to have a 2 parent family its not necessary to raise a gorgeous well rounded child.

[Dotty_R]

Thanks everyone.


This morning i started bleeding and ended up in hospital with a partial placenta abruption, He said he didnt care and would even answer the hospital calling him,

He msged me shortly after and told me he was leaving me,

Its fairly sad, I can honestly say when we were TTC i never imagined this is where i would be now,

today as the lowest of lows, when someones ment to care about you most they leave you.

[livvy]

yeh. that really is s***. last time i spoke to bub's father he told me outright that he hated me and didn't give a s*** about me (but he does care about bub.. i think). he's selfish and petty and deserves all the bs that his 21year old (but she seems to act about 12) gf puts him through. i had spotting a week ago and freaked out and sent him a txt as he'd said he wanted to know stuff about bub and he didn't reply. just didn't care. so i don't see how he sleeps at night but, now, quite frankly i just don't care. it does get better. i promise.

has the bleeding stopped? did they scan bub and check that he's okay? you have all my love.

[rhyb]

Sorry my post sounds harsh but I guess when I post these I am them at myself (if that makes any sense.) See this is my second pregnancy and second time being a single parent. After I split from DS' father I tried a casual relationship with another man when DS was 10 months old. I ended up pregnant and now Ill have 4 kids and Im only 20 in November. I put the hard word down to sort of remind myself that Im strong I can do this and so can everyone else in here cz were amazing mummys.

[Dotty_R]

This is my 3rd child and im 23, its my new partners first child and his 25, he whinges that he wont be able to live his life and its annoys me,

16yos accept their responsabilitys yet a 25yo cant?

[livvy]

yeah i say just get rid of him. you and your family can do so much better. he's not worth the stress on you and bub. my ex is 26 (almost 27) and he acts like a child sometimes. but all i can say in his defence is that his sister had her first at 18 (with two terminations prior to that) and he was just 15 at the time, so when she got ditched by that waste of space he saw just what it meant from her side which is the only reason i think he feels that he has to hang around. it just makes me angry that he thinks he can treat me like dirt and still expect me to bend over backwards to let him in. and your bub's father should know better too. he's 25 for goodness sake. he's just a waste of space. let him f*** off and don't let him back.

but how is bub?

and rhyb you aren't sounding harsh! i am totally there with you on that. strength is what we have cos lets face it, if the continuation of the human race was up to men they would just curl up into a ball, cry and never have sex again for fear of getting pregnant. in fact they'd probab;ly think they were dying with their first period.

[Dotty_R]

yeah i say just get rid of him. you and your family can do so much better. he's not worth the stress on you and bub. my ex is 26 (almost 27) and he acts like a child sometimes. but all i can say in his defence is that his sister had her first at 18 (with two terminations prior to that) and he was just 15 at the time, so when she got ditched by that waste of space he saw just what it meant from her side which is the only reason i think he feels that he has to hang around. it just makes me angry that he thinks he can treat me like dirt and still expect me to bend over backwards to let him in. and your bub's father should know better too. he's 25 for goodness sake. he's just a waste of space. let him f*** off and don't let him back.

but how is bub?

and rhyb you aren't sounding harsh! i am totally there with you on that. strength is what we have cos lets face it, if the continuation of the human race was up to men they would just curl up into a ball, cry and never have sex again for fear of getting pregnant. in fact they'd probab;ly think they were dying with their first period.

Babys ok, just waiting atm to see what happens, his being a complete **** about it

[livvy]

good to hear that baby's okay. you just need to have some time out and look after you and your wee ones. is there anywhere you can go? i found a cheap return fare to adelaide and went and stayed with some family friends for a month, came back he was being a total arse still so stopped speaking to him for 6weeks. and now he takes me a little more seriously, because i've shown him that i mean it when i say if he f***s about with me and baby he's out for good. now at least he seems to be trying to be nice-ish. and i figure that's a start.

and there are better people out there. when i first joined here i posted about my horrible ex and there was one woman (who's in my due date group too ) who said that she left her ex when she was in first trimester and moved across the country and met the man who is now her husband when she was 15 weeks pregnant. her little girl is two and they're expecting their first baby together just a few days after me. so it really does happen and she is fabulous and really gave me hope that it would be okay after all.

see if you can go stay some place with your family.. if its possible for someone to take the reigns on looking after your other two while you just have some you time.. is it a possibility?