Monnie, a child psychologist was my next plan of attack. At first I thought what the hell is wrong with my child if she needs a therapist at 5, but then again, i'm happy to see anyone that might be able to help me come up with something to help.

If the behaviour was slowly getting better as she got older I'd at least be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but its not.

I was sure there was some sensory issues too, and was suprised when the pead. said there was nothing there to suggest it.
Maybe i need to video of her putting shoes and socks on and he might suddenly understand!

Nickel, thanks for your words, I know its hard doing it on my own, but i always tell myself that parenting is hard no matter who you are or what your relationship status and that i just should be able to deal with it. Its nice to hear someone say 'god it must he hard doing it on your own'

So many people say can't you just let her pick her own clothes? does it really matter what she wears?
Well i dont mind her picking her own clothes, but every now and then i wish she's wear something particular or nice and it never happens. People give her gorgeousl clothes and its such a waste. The other problem is that even when she is picking her clothes the carry on still happens. Today she put her leggings on and there was a loose thread so she took them off all angry and had to star the clothes dressing all over again.

The problem is, like you pointed out, she'll have a massive blow out, hysterical trantrum. When she calms down she comes and says sorry and everything is great, little angel child is back. Until 5 minutes later. I was talking to DP last night about it, saying i need to come up with something that teaches her to avoid the tantrums, rather than having them every half hour and being ok in between. I need a stragegy to deal with the things that CAUSE the tantrums, rather than punishment for the behaviours. This is the part i'm struggling with.

Christy, I hope Matilda grown out of it before Ashlea does cause she is damm impossible! She's so pleasant one minute and so unpleasant the next
But yes, if i give her the wrong fork, the wrong cup, blah blah blah its the end of the world.
I look at kids dressed in gorgeous little carpi pants, matching tops, nice shoes and a little headband and think IF ONLY! I see the sutest things and have to stop myself wasting money on them cause i know she just will not wear them. And there is my Ashlea, in a ratty old t-shirt that shes worn to death, a skirt I can't stand but she loves, and thongs.
I'm dreading winter cause winter means more clothes and more clothes mean shoes and socks and all of that means more arguments!

Thanks everyone for your replies, it really helps me feel better