Sounds just like my sister! The good news is, my sister has now apologised to my mother for her behaviour as a teenager. The bad news is, nothing could stop her at the time and my sister admits that; she's no help whatsoever! (My dad grounding her was a nightmare for me, but at least I could stay out most of the time then.)

You sound like you're doing the right thing. You're not condoning her behaviour and letting her know your standards. If she can't live up to your standards then you don't reward her.

If you fancy a giggle at my 19-month-old (not -year-old): this weekend we asked him to bring us his shoes and coat. Normally this has him running to the door and trying to dress himself (so cute in pyjamas, hat and shoes in his hands!). Saturday, it had him look at us, lift his hand and "tabada hand". Talk to the hand? Already? At least we can answer "yes, that is your hand Clever Boy, now where's your coat?"