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Thread: Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April 2009

  1. #253

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    Coco & Mel Ithink you will both be testing a few days before me... ohhhhh please let all be BFP



    boble, cheer up honey, we all love you and are hear for you

    Hannah, still so excited for you! When you are about to Pop early Dec hopefully we will all be close behind you

    I've had a pretty good day, doing house stuff (very rainy outside!) not hungry so I think I will just have a juice and a perhaps a little bit of what I make dh for dinner... Back to work tomorrow... Feel just so great that I have done lots around the house this weekend... You know the stuff you put off for AGES! Anyway enough about me.

    Hope you all enjoyed your weekend too xoxo

  2. #254

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    Just me... AGAIN!

    I'm wondering if anyone knows if your temp will peak a week or so after ovulation even if you are not pg? I believe that it will get a little higher after implantation, is this correct? Just wondering if this is another sign of pg which I can look for or if it doesn't mean anything anyway.... I know that on the cycle I did get pg my temp was 36.9 for 7 days after ovulation and than after implantation it shot up to 37.1, 37.2, 37.0 etc.

    Any thoughts?

  3. #255

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    Cherished1

    I am looking forward to that answer too though if you have a look on my december chart (because somehow I linked Dec/Jan) I didnt have higher temps? But that's just one person. Im going to go chart stalk though cos it's something else I can look at on fertility friend while waiting for my BFP

    Hope you all had a great easter!! Im so far so good on my chart, I have a poll on my chart because it changed my ov date to a day later...I made it change back because I didnt see a reason for it to change, So if you can have a looksie and tell me what day you think I ovulated that would be great! The confusion was caused by having positive OPK's many days in a row...which i had in december with the same brand so not going to use those ones anymore..Anyone have recommendations for internet ones?

  4. #256

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    Sally - Thanks, only time will tell I guess. Trying not to get my hopes up too much as my body has tricked me before. Mind you, I can't imagine the ferns! Not counting sore bbs as a symptom as I get them every month. I actually had what was like o pains yesterday. It was very weird as it didn't last long and I know I wasn't o. I was just a bit sore and crampy. Nothing today though. Now AF has arrived I hope you don't have to wait too long for your BFP

    Coco - I hope luck is on both our sides next week then! Good luck, isn't the TWW just agonising???

    Cherished1 - Jen would be the one to ask but I did temp for a while and from memory I think you usually get an implantation dip where your temp drops but I could be wrong? Hope this is your month! I think this thread needs a few more BFP's, there haven't been enough lately (except for the lovely Hannah).

    boble - I am on facebook but I hardly ever go on there now as I am always on BB! Hope you haven't o yet and there is still a chance.

    HannahD - Hooray for . Glad it has made it feel a little bit more real. I think what you have been feeling it just a survival mechanism, trying not to get your hopes up just in case. Just try to take one step at a time and enjoy (morning sickness and all), you deserve it.

    Rhi - Know what you mean about overdosing on chocolate! That and heaps of other rich food, think I have eaten my body weight in food over the last couple of days but yet I always seem to go back for more.....

    mrzbaby - Good luck with the OPK's. I have never had any luck with them but I think you are right to test every day from around o time, that way you can't miss it!

    Jen - I think you should call the Dr and make an appointment, that way you have something booked in and if there is a cancellation then even better. You have to start looking after yourself or do I need to fly over there and take you myself? I am scared of flying but I would fly over to California just for you. BTW, do you think we could get the mods to change noaf to NORB?

    smi - I think Nahla is a beautiful name, don't listen to anyone else. DH and I have already chosen a name for a boy and a girl (when we were pg) but we have never told anyone and don't intend to until we have our baby. We will tell people the sex if we find out but not the name for that very reason - people always give you there opinions and try to talk you out of it. You and your DH are the only ones that matter so stay strong

    mollycat - Just want to say well done on the weight loss and over Easter as well!

    Chappas - Wow, 16 weeks - so happy for you!

    Fifi - Sending some labour vibes your way, don't think a smilie exists for that one?

    sunny09 - It's not over till the RB shows!

    meh - Hope your Easter Hunt went well, sounds like fun!

    Now I think I have caught up and hope I haven't missed anyone!

    AFM - Went to see one of my good friends today and her 8 month old daughter. They live a bit of a drive away from us so I hadn't met her yet. She is just so gorgeous and instead of feeling sad I really feel it has given me the courage to keep going as the reward at the end if just sooooooo worth it. She kept crawling over to me and DH for cuddles which was so nice. My friend also suffered a m/c and seeing their happy ending has really made me feel positive again which I really needed!

    Hoping maybe baby is a good sign but not pinning all my hopes on it as I have been let down a few too many times. I have had the worst heartburn since Friday but not counting that as a symptom either as the meds I am on for my adrenal deficiency can cause it.

    All in all I am sick of waiting and just wish I could test! I have never been a patient person and one week feels like forever at the moment......

  5. #257

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    Smile

    My friend sent me this right after my little one and I wanted to share it with you guys!


    What is now my Normal... I know this will touch the hearts of all bereaved parents. Also, this is a great thing to pass along to those who just can't seem to understand the depth of our pain. From the heart of a bereaved Mother... This is now what "normal" is...

    Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life. Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything. Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly. Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away. Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening. Normal is staring at every baby who looks like he is my baby's age. And then thinking of the age she would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen. Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart. Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal". Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special my baby loved. Thinking how she would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it. Normal is having some people afraid to mention my baby. Normal is making sure that others remember her. Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better. Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural. Normal is realizing I do cry everyday. Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone's loved one. Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child. Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother. Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food. Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have three children or two, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have two children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby. Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy children that break your heart when you see them. Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.

    And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal". author unknown

  6. #258

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    Ive read that once before. It just makes tears pour from my eyes. There is no other way to explain how heartbreaking it is and how you feel and this makes it clearer at least a little to others...

  7. #259

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    Ok so I'm going to attempt persies this morning!


    Mel-Send you lots of no af vibes! Thats exciting that you got to cuddle with your friends baby. Crossing my fingers for you! It sounds hopeful!

    coco-I buy my OPK's a a pharmacy in town. I'm not sure which ones are good online but I know my friend buys hers off ebay and they are pretty cheap and she says they work well! HTH!

    cherished-I'm not sure if it will peak or not. I did not temp when I got pg before. I hope someone can answer this though.

    Boble-Hope your feeling better today.

    Hannah-Sorry to hear that your nauseous. But thats great that its making it feel real to you. Aww and thats wonderful that DH is getting excited.

    Rhi-Hope your recovering from your choclate overdose!

    mrzbaby-I'm praying you O soon & that you catch that eggie!

    Sally-Yay for AF arriving. Send you lots of baby dust.

    Chappas-We love having you around. Wow 16 weeks already. Thats so exciting.

    smi-That is a beautiful name. How exciting.

    Jen-I would go ahead and make an appointment. Then at least you have a date. And if a cancellation comes up thats wonderful.

    fifi-Sending you lots of easy labor vibes.

    sunny-I pray its not af. Hopefully you get a BFP instead.

    meh-I'm moving April 24th. Less than 2 weeks. Isn't packing just exhausting!?!

    Erybery-How are you and bub doing?

    Hello to everyone else! Sending lots of &

    AFM-Not to much going on here. I'm now officially in the TWW. It says I o'd 3 days ago. So I'm praying we caught that eggie. Just packing things away.

  8. #260

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    DH and i have been fighting tonight right in time for when O should be (in 2 days i think-ish).... i just don't feel like he is "into" being with me (sex wise) which just makes me feel like absolute crap.... I feel like sleeping in the other room because laying here next to him is really not making me feel better - just worse

    also, tonight.. while i was feeling down i reaslied that i just feel so empty inside.... and that I often start eating to try to fill that void - like i am confusing this emptiness for hunger????? no wonder i have put on 10kgs since my m/c straight after our wedding (the 2008 one).... which of course doesn't make me feel "sexy" or wanted or anything like that. Does anyone else feel that emptiness?

    sorry for the downer girls

  9. #261

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    Boble- I too have put on weight since my m/c and no it doesn't help because it does make us feel less attractive. maybe you and DH need to take a vacation to help you both relax. And I would defiantly talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe he doesn't realize how bad you are hurting.

  10. #262

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    mrzbaby--Thanks for feeding my chart stalking hunger! (and not naming names while you're at it! )



    Hannah--Who would've ever thought that feeling would actually be a comfort? I don't know if I should wish you were feeling better, or wish you continued m/s! Either way, I wish you the happiest, healthiest pg'cy possible!



    boble--I'm sorry to hear you and DH aren't getting along. Unfortunately I think that 'emptiness' is something we can all relate to.... we've all got this hole in our souls, and we keep trying to fill that void with anything we can, whether it be food, alcohol, whatever vice helps us to "forget" or feel numb. I think it's so hard to learn to live with and love the things that we cannot change in our lives. I heard a song on the news today about just this... here's the link:

    YouTube - LeAnn Rimes- What I Cannot Change

    Chin up, hon--we'll all get there one day--and until then, we've got each other!



    cherished--Some women experience a temp drop around the time of implantation, with elevated temps after... but I've discovered that it really varies. Here's what ff says:

    Implantation time and signs

    Not really sure if it's helpful or not, or if it answers your question, but I HTH!



    coco--I would say that you O'ed on CD11 based on your temps.



    Mel--Yes, you MUST fly here and take me to my appt--that's the only way I'll go! j/k... I actually called just a few minutes ago and made the appt... the next available is July 1st! I should've scheduled the one for May that they wanted to give me a month ago! Oh, well... at least I'm still on the cancellation list. I'm glad that the baby cuddles you received have given you a renewed hope and determination! *hugs* Sending you some anti-RB vibes! (mods, we need an appropriate new smiley for RB!) Going to PM you my fb details--would love to add you to my contact list!



    Shortcake--"And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal"." All I can say is, Wow.... other than that, I'm at a loss for words.... it just sounds so much like what I consider to be 'normal'. Thanks for sharing that...

    Nice shiny, red coverline! Hoping your TWW ends with a BFP!!



    MO3B--Hope today is a better day for you!

  11. #263

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    mollycat--

  12. #264

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    Thanks Jen - Can you believe FF tried to change my O date. I promptly changed it back. There's no way I could do another TWW like this one. Must be the promise of drugs (or at least the script) lying beside my bed.

  13. #265

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    Hey all,

    Am at work today, so no time for perssies.

    Just wanted to pop in and give hugs, NO A/F or A/F vibes, sticky vibes and anything else that we need at the moment. Hope you all have a great day!

    Speak soon

    xx

  14. #266

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    Boble - Hun I agree with Shortcake, you have to speak to DH about how you are feeling. Men react differently. Some times my DH lashes out at me in such a strange way that I almost never know if he was trying to upset me or not. ALso all I read about terminations and baby loss is males react much later so maybe when you talk to him your both going to find the same underlying issues. You do need to talk, especailly so your next baby is created through 100% love and hapiness, then it will be the most perfect baby ever!

    Im too unorganised to chart, I keep forgetting to take my yemp first thing... Maybe charting isn t my thing???

    I went to visit my girlfirend with her 10 week old girl. hard to see her, she had bad morning sickness (she is very dramatic and not really 'tough' so its hard to tell how bad it really was, she wasn't ever put on a drip etc but it wasnt me so I cant judge) and now Poppy has 'colic and reflux' and she says she screams all the time. Lucikly in my group of friends Im called the baby whisperer so i worked my magic and she slept for 2 hours on my lap...

    She asked alot of questions about the baby and abnormalities and the termination etc, I guess it is interesting because its so rare and no one has ever heard about it.
    All I could see was that look of shock the entire time I talked and that final sigh when we stoped. You know that sigh of 'Thank god that didnt happen to me'
    Its hard to have people want to hear and understand but still be able to walk away unaffected...

    I must just be a little down today but in 10 days maybe we be will pro-creating and that will keep my mind off this....

    xxoo

  15. #267

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    Mel! I had the same feelings yesterday too Yay!!! In highnsight the ONLY way I would have picked up on my bfp was by these points:
    a) Sunday 9DPO I thought my breasts (which as a 10F i normally HATE) Looked great!!! I was thinking "whoaa they look a bit like fakies" very pert and firm for once..

    b)Monday 10DPO I was emotional, down or agitated or something I picked up my mum and went to the beach and I burnt an avril lavigne cd and listened to one of the songs I relate to over and over...

    c) Tuesday 11DPO I was soooooooooo tired (yes, all the o's were necessary) and VERY thirsty and hungry, like I had to eat RIGHT NOW and I was peeing alot..which i put down to me drinking alot..

    d) Wed 12DPO Tired and I thought my favourite fayreform bra was strangling my breasts and cutting off my breathing space.. Then that afternoon I did a test and thats when I got my bfp.

    If you look at my chart for that time though, (its marked as december because I linked cycles) http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/i...hp?d=2009-2-14 I didnt have a textbook temp flow...so I would not have guessed...

    Good luck!!!

  16. #268

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    coco - Wow, you've done so well to remember all your symptoms. I fell pg in Oct 2007 which seems so long ago and I although I can remember the symptoms (tired, hungry, peeing all the time, sore bbs) I can't remember what happened when. I really hope we can be belly buddies together but I tend to talk myself into symptoms every month so I am trying not to have too much hope until I see those 2 lines! Good luck

    boble - Sorry to hear you have been fighting with DH. I think this journey is so stressful and it is bound to cause tension from time to time. When so much emotion is involved everything always seems so much worse. Sometimes males seem to hold all their emotion inside because they feel they have to be strong for us (bless them) but I have tried to really encourage my DH to talk to me about when he is feeling down about it. Sometimes I forget he went through it too and it must have been so hard for him to watch me in so much pain, physically and emotionally. Hope it all works out sweetie

    Jen - Yay for making a Dr's appointment! July seems so far away but since we are now at Easter it won't take long to come around. Hopefully you will have your BFP by then so you won't need it!

    sally - I gave up temping because I would forget and take it at different times and it ended up making me stress and confused me even more. I''m proud of you for holding your friends baby and for being so strong when answering the questions she was asking about your angel, it must have been hard

    Shortcake - Good luck with the move!

    Mollycat - How dare FF change your date!

    Better go DH is pacing around the house waiting for me! He wants to go and look at a new car today (a family one) but I am undecided. I know as soon as we take one for a test drive we are in trouble..........

  17. #269

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    Morning all!
    Just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone for those vibes. She still isnt here. I still have the same mild symptoms as the other day when I thought I was getting it. I did another test and this time got a VERY faint positive line. For a split second I got excited and happy, then snapped out of it. I dont trust the test and will have to re test in a few days. I just want to be prg like so many of you, and feel cheated by my miscarriage. The last few days have been very emotional and when I read that poem posted by shortcake I almost died!
    Im guessing my AF should be due within the next 7-10 days, guessing because my cycles are probably messy. When I was prg before I got a strong positive result 6 days before my AF was due.

    Congrats Hannah on your morning sickness, sounds strange but enjoy it! Its a fantastic sign that your baby is healthy and growing.

    Love to all and

  18. #270

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    Hi girls, not up for perssies today...

    Have you all had good friends over the years who you just grow apart from? My best female friend for 9-10 years got married last weekend and didn't even invite me I just ran into her mum down the street and chatted with her about it, she is lovely. Anyway, we didn't even have a falling out, I just stopped hearing from her. I know she made some new friends (who are total bogans!) so I had kinda just put it down to her 'knowing' that I wont fit with them so just left me out to make it easier on herself in social situations..... I was so hurt over it and had finally made closure for myself when I saw the new year in (after months of tears). Than I got pg and was over the moon! than having lost the bub too and her wedding coming and going with still now word from her and than seeing her mum has just made me really upset

    The good news about all this is that on Sat I saw that she had added me as a contact on messenger under her married name (obviously a group invite which was a mistake to have me on it) so I wrote a quick response and than thought, GREAT now I can really get full closure letting her know how hurt I have been so I sent her a really nice email telling her how I felt and wishing her well... Feels so good to know that I am the 'bigger' person and that I hold no anger about it all.

    Thanks for reading xox

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