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Thread: Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 2009

  1. #289

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    sally - Thinking of you today as your honour your angel . I'm glad you got the results in time to acknowledge her at the ceremony. Lilly is a beautiful name.


  2. #290

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    wow- you ladies are so lovely and supportive...thank you for all your kind thoughts

    sally- oh I am so sorry, big hugs and praying that precious lily has flown safely to watch over you

    jen- here's hoping this time the trend on your chart does mean something

    shortcake- I know the feelings of frustration and anger. hugs

    mel- glad you are feeling a little better

    coco- i hope the time away helps and sorry it is just so hard. I can relate totally. I took a week off after the last miscarriage and we went to yamba...but I wish every day I could run away for a while still.

    richichi- hope you are doing ok

    boble- I totally relate to you also. I stare at babies everywhere and one of my closest friends is pregnant...and I should be with her...even further along. It is just so tough. hugs

    cherished- sorry it is such a hard time. It is a huge emotional strain and I cry a lot and feel so down some days, like I want to pull up, but just cant. Hang in there.

    hannah- hope you feel a bit better soon

    zacharys mum- great news on the scan

    erybery- thinking of you

    to anyone I have missed, a big hello

    afm- looking forward to maybe getting some answers tomorrow. Also am using an OPK this month and just had my hormone surge and DTD, so am officially in another TWW. Hard to be optimisitic, especially with my one and only dodgy tube, but gotta try. We'd love to not have to go back to IVF

  3. #291

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    sorry - double post

  4. #292

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    Hi everyone. I hope you don't mind me joining.

    Last weekend my 4th mc occurred. It was horrendous, and while it was still happening my dh and i agreed we would not try again as the end result had been so upsetting (not more than before but very different) this time. Our DD would be an only child. And then, after the worst of it was over, I realised I do want another baby, very much. And my DD is proof I can do it, and that I can't know in advance what will happen, my next pregnancy might end too soon, but it could be the one that sticks. So, once the shock of this one is over, we will try again.

    When I told my bb group I would be leaving, one of my buddies asked me if I would like to join this group, as she too had suffered a mc (though she is far braver than me and is still able to post over there) and found a couple of our buddies are here. So, cherished1, here I am. Hi Eliza and erybery. I will probably be more a lurker for awhile, but we'll see.

    Sharrie.

  5. #293

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    Hosebeastess my friend I am so very happy you decided to join us and i am still shattered for you after what you and DH have been though After reading your post I just started to cry... I am not braver than you at all in fact I have been slowly melting down over the last week and now feel really depressed Like beautiful meh I have so much to be grateful for yet I still want more...

    Anyway I think I know what is at the bottom of my depression and I will chat with DH about it tonight... I know I will be ok.

    Coco have a lovely time alone this weekend, I will be alone for 4 days and nights and I will hate it! I am so low I don't want to away from him...I think I'll go out to the movies or go shopping...

    My stomach is a bit better today, don't think I will have lost any weight when I get on the scales tomorrow... Sitting on your butt all day for a week doesn't help!... Let's just hope that doesn't depress me even more!

    Hello to everyone else

  6. #294

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    Eliza - I will address you by your first name, otherwise I feel like I am talking to your cat now! hehe. Anyway, sounds like you truly need the break and what a great boss to let you take off now and until 7th April.

    Shortcake - Hopefully the OBS can shed some light as to what is going on?

    Jen - Thanks for providing an update on yourself. I think about you all the time, wondering if you are ok - sounds like you are doing ok atm!?

    Sally - Hun, so sad for you. Lilly is a lovely name. Hopefully the service will give you some closure.

    Possums - GL, sounds promising. Definately gotta be in it to win it, so they say!

    Sharrie - Welcome to our wonderful group. So sorry for your losses - My three angles will love some new play mates. We don't mind lurking, but please post to let us know from time to time how you are going & if need debrief or vent away. BTW - My DH had a gf named Sharrie in highschool.....

    Hello to everyone else.

    Nothing to report from me... I am at work tomorrow and have a busy weekend, but will try to pop in even for a quick lurk & hello
    Last edited by RhiChiChi; March 26th, 2009 at 01:43 PM. Reason: spelling

  7. #295
    mummy_of_3_boys Guest

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    hello beautiful BB ers,



    have had a cr*p day so no persies just wanted you to all know i am thinking of you.

  8. #296

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    Hello lovely ladies I am glad I am not alone in all my feelings everyone else seems to be sharing very similar feelings wow I am not such a freak after all yay. Well the week started off well then at 4am yesturday morning my phone started buzzing it was my cousin she had her baby and then she told me she had called her the same name that we had chosen early in our pregnancy sorry Sally I know your beautiful angel was also Lilli(I had told her she is like a sis) so the week has been a roller coaster dh and dc are upset also we were healing and it feels live another hit to the stomach while everything is raw and I like to think it wasn't done to be hurttful I am sure it wasn't and I probably sound like a horrible person but I so needed it off my chest I just feel lucky she lives 3 hours away as I don't think I could face the family bizzare thing is they were all here for me 2 years ago when I nursed my mum with cancer, they helped me cope I don't know it's just all a little too hard right now I hope tomorrow is a better day I am looking forward to next week I will be throwing heaps of around goodnight and take care everyone and sorry for the rant.

  9. #297

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    CHarm that is horrible. Some times people dont think, not to be cruel they are just so caught up in what is happening with them they can't see past it. When its your turn I would use what ever name is important to you. that is a horrible way to wake up.

    Thanks for all my well wishes today.
    It was a lovely service and so so hard but a wonderful sentimental gesture.
    Very tired now so looking forward to a good nights sleep.

  10. #298

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    Sally - Just wanted to give you a big on what must have been such a hard day. Lilly is a beautiful name and I'm glad you got to say goodbye to your angel. I can only imagine how emotionally draining it must've been so I hope you have a good night's sleep

    charm - I am so angry and disappointed for you. People who have never been through what we are all going through just don't understand and can be so insensitive. When you have your forever baby, choose whichever name you like. As you said you live 3 hours away and if it's a name you love I say don't compromise.

    MO3B - Sorry you have had a crap day. Hope it starts to look up.

    cherished1 - We all have lots to be grateful for but it doesn't mean we don't still yearn to be a mother. Hope you feel better soon.

    Hosebeastess - Welcome but sorry you have to be here. I hope your stay is short but I am glad cherished1 directed you to our thread so we can be here for you when you need us.

    Jen - Sorry, forgot to say hi to you last night! Here's hoping it was an implantation dip

    Possums - You have to be in it to win it. Goodluck! Sending some your way.

    Mollycat - Everything in moderation I say!

    shortcake - I hope you get some answers from your ob. Goodluck!

  11. #299

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    I hope that i dont offend anyone by posting no personals tonight, i do think of everyone and i pray that we will all be enjoying that bfp and so much wanted little babe much sooner than we think but i just need to rant at the moment and i know that you exceptional ladies on here are the only ones who know what i am talking about and how i feel... Please dont be alarmed by some things you might reed, i just need to get them off my chest.

    Since we lost our angel baby in Nov 07, DH and i decided that we would wait until the new year to TTc again. Well that time has come and gone and then some. Time in which i was diagnosed with Depression, attempted suicide, lost a family member and then diagnosed with PCOS. My wake up call i guess, was when my attempt failed and i realised that i needed help. I sought that out and i was back to feeling normal again, i was eating well and mentally and physically preparing myself to TTC seriously (during the months when i was my worst, we half heartedly TTC'd if you know what i mean). It is now, like i said, more than 12 months since we started TTCing and i just dont think that i can cope with any more. My cycles are all over the place (Thanks PCOS, You are just lovely to deal with!!!), i have hardly any indication of if i am ovulating and to make things even more wonderful, my DH has had enough of me. If i talk (nag/whinge according to him) to him about TTC and when we should BD, he gets all annoyed and upset. I try to talk to him about it but he just doesnt want to listen. Last month he got all frustrated with me because i asked him to BD with me for 2 days in a row and then this month, well it just takes the cake!! We have been BDing like crazy for the last few days, almost 3 days in a row and tonight i asked him to BD with me again because i was having EWCM and thought that despite the rest of our BDing, i thought that tonight would be best because i was having most fertile signs. Well he said "i dont really want to, but you go and watch your show and i will figure something out". Usually, this means that he'll go watch porn to get in the mood.. Well my show finished and i went to him and he says to me "oh well, you took too long and i was turned on about 30mins ago but im not now so im going to sleep. Besides, i know you dont want it any way" !!!! WTF? i might not want sex because i am all sexed out but seriously? I am willing to do something that i am sick of at the moment because i know that it could potentially bring us closer to geting our forever baby! I am willing to lay there and be treated like a 'FleshLight' in order to achieve what we want...
    So what does he do, he rolls over and promptly falls asleep!! I just want to cry. Am i not enough for him, why does he get to pick and choose when he wants to BD with me even though i have said that tonight would be best? Why is this happening to me?

    How am i supposed to get him to want to BD with me when, whenever i open my mouth to speak he goes soft (literally!! sorry if tmi)? I dont know what to do to get him to want it, does he not want to have a baby as much as i do????

    Maybe i should just give up? myabe my dream of having my own baby to love is too much seeing as its never going to happen.



    Btw, Maca powder tastes revolting!

  12. #300

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    Abbey big ! I'm sorry that you have been going through such a rough time right now. I truly hope you get your forever baby soon and that things start to get better between you and DH.


    AFM- Still no af. I'm just waiting until April 10th to get in to see my GYN. I'm on their cancellation list so I might get in sooner. My friend recommended a book to me called Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler. Ladies I'm not sure if any of you have read this but this book is wonderful! Last night I started reading it and I'm to chapter six and there are so many wonderful things it explains so well. Just wanted to share that with you!

  13. #301

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    Possums--I hope you get some answers today! *hugs* Wishing you a speedy TWW!



    Hosebeastess-- I'm so sorry for your losses It never seems to get easier, does it? I, too, have had 4 m/c's, and I'm just so devastated that we've all come together under such tragic circumstances. You're surrounded by women that understand what you're feeling, so if you're not up posting, but feel the need to vent, please know that you're in a safe place to just 'let go'. I'm glad that you've already found some familiar faces here among us.... when you're ready, I hope to get to know you better while on this bumpy journey!



    cherished--I'm sorry your DH will be gone for 4 days, during a time when you're not up to being alone. A m/c is such a lonely feeling, sometimes the last thing we want is to be alone.... are you close to any friends or family members that can shop or go to the movies with you?



    Rhi--Hope you have a great weekend! *hugs*



    MO3B (Sexy kink twin!)--Sorry to hear you had a [email protected] day yesterday! *hugs* Hoping for a brighter day for you today! Then back to the gutter!



    No, charm, you're definitely not a freak! If you are a freak, then we must ALL be, and you certainly won't be lost for company!

    I'm sorry to hear about your cousin... the same thing actually happened to me--with a cousin, no less! This was some years back with one of my other m/c's, but she and I were pg at the same time, and I had told her that I like the name Jacob if it was a boy. So, of course, I m/c... then I went in the delivery room with her while she gave birth to her son... Jacob. It's truly amazing how thoughtless some people can be--not to say she did it to spite you or intentionally hurt you (same with my cousin), but you have to wonder sometimes what people are thinking.... or if they're even thinking at all! Like you said, it's like a blow to the stomach... a kick when you're already down... don't apologize for venting--that's what we're here for! Big *hugs* and hope that today is a better day for you!



    sally--I'm happy the ceremony went well, though I'm sure it was an emotionally exhausting experience. It's a beautiful tribute to honor little Lilly, and I'm so grateful you had the opportunity to recognize your angel!



    Mel--Sure, I see how you are.... just forget about little 'ol me! I hadn't even realized it, so I'll let you off the hook--just this once! lol...



    Abbey--Oh, honey, I think this is something that a lot of us can relate to--I know I do! I had some similar issues with DF, and it's so frustrating! One of the things I realized, though, is how the only time I ever felt inclined to be with him was if it corresponded to O.... and he knew this.... so for a while it seemed like he wanted to be with me the whole entire month EXCEPT for when I was fertile--then there was always some excuse he would come up with! I learned to not refer to our time together as "baby dancing" because men can't think about sex and 'making babies' at the same time.... it's a total downer... eh, no pun intended! ROFL... Anyhow, DF was feeling like nothing more than a sperm bank, and I pretty much acknowledged that by my actions... or lack of action, however you look at it! I decided that we needed to spice things up, and we started watching movies together, instead of him waiting until I went to bed and ultimately tearing us further apart. It's something that has worked for us.... in fact, he'll be home in 20 mins for lunch and is expecting some "sexercise" as he jokingly refers to it! LMAO... sorry if Anyhow, maybe you and DH can try to find some way of focusing on enjoying each other's company, instead of making it out to be about BD'ing--and trust me, I know that it's hard--but there will be a day when you actually look forward to spending that time with him (tho it may not seem like it now). I wish you the best of luck, hon!



    Shortcake--Glad you're enjoying your book and gaining some insight! I just received a book in the mail (thanks Krystie!) called Natural Fertility, but haven't had a chance to start it yet. I'm looking forward to checking it out and learning some helpful tips! More AF vibes coming your way! *hugs*

  14. #302

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    Hey all,

    Just lurking but wanted to reply to Abbey.

    Abbey - there is nothing wrong with you. I think for men to perform almost on command would be difficult and a turn off - you are not the turn off. I know that sometimes this is how my dh is (as he was last night). He didn't want to dtd b/c he was over the pressure of performing on demand and we have been just going through the motions for me to fall pg. Even I am having difficulty enjoying sex, b/c in my mind I am doing it ultimately for a baby, whereas I should also be doing it to be close to my dh. I gently reminded him that there is such a short window of opportunity to fall pg, but I left it at that b/c I think neither of us would have been satisfied last night. IYKWIM. So, we have agreed tonight we will be dtd, but I will try to make it not just about dtd. I will try some flirting and mucking around prior to bed time.
    I don't think in your heart you want to give up, but maybe just for the moment put it on hold (harder to say than do) and go back to enjoying each others company - it doesn't even have to be having sex. What about making like a date night? - ie: dinner, & a movie & just talking - not even about a baby, just chatting like he is one of your friends. (or whatever is enjoyable for you & dh) This could lead to sex, but it might just take off some pressure for you both - I assume you feel the pressure of dtd to give yourself a chance of falling pg? Maybe dh is also picking up your feelings of just dtd for pg and this is turning him off? Do you have a relationship where you can talk about the feelings of ttc? This is difficult for me & dh as I am highly emotional and tend to hold back then blurt everything out.
    I don't know much about pcos, but one thing my gf did was cut back on sugar & I mean she was so strict that she even limited herself to natural sugar (fructose etc...). This seemed to help with her cycles plus she lost a fair bit of weight (she was fairly overweight). Not sure what the meca powder does. Can you consider clomid when you have pcos? I read last night a thread that Nicilic started in Feb 09 (?) She has pcos and has changed her diet and this has reduced her cycles - the last she quoted at 30 days, but I didn't take much notice about O. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you PM'ed her for more info....
    Abbey, you are not alone in this - this is something dh & I are encountering atm but I am trying hard to not make it seem like I only want to be with him for a baby. So hard for the likes of many of us since O is hard to pinpoint; you just want to dtd to not miss the small window of opportunity to fall pg
    Hugs babe xx

  15. #303

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    Oh Abbey, I'm so sorry you and DH are having a rough time . But there is nothing wrong with you. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a man who could think of sex and babies at the same time. Perhaps your DH just wants you to want him.

    It wasn't until I'd come off the pill that I'd realised how much my sex drive had been affected by it. DH loved the fact that I actually wanted him again. Then I miscarried and now I'm being treated for depression. For months I 'endured' sex so as not to miss an opportunity to fall pregnant. But one day DH said to me that he missed his wife (well, actually his words were "sex goddess" lol) and I realised that I had been treating him as little more than a sperm donor. Now I make an effort to make sure he knows I love him and that I do want him. Its not easy though as the months go by and there's still no baby. I try to remind myself that I should be enjoying the time DH and I have together now because a baby is going to change all that.

    I think Rhi's suggestion of having a date night without any expectation of sex is a great idea. It sounds as though you and your DH need to reconnect. All the best hun.

  16. #304

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    Hi, I am new here, but belong in this thread after m/c my 1st baby (IVF) 2 weeks ago. I am still devastated and am off to see a grief counsellor next week as I am having a hard time functioning. Of course I am seeing beautiful pregnant women and gorgeous babies everywhere I go. Every ad on TV seems to be about babies or families.

    My DH has been wonderful but I know he is hurting too and just trying to be strong for me.

    Sorry for the lack of personals but I hope to get to know you all and be able to post more individually soon.

    Possums, not sure who you are seeing in Newcastle, but I am through Hunter IVF and they are wonderful.

  17. #305

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    ohh... wow. I had a little teary moment then reading your posts ladies!! You dont understand how much it helps me to know that there are other people out there who are experiencing exactly the same thing as me. I was truley ranting last night and this morning i see a little clearer and have a better view on it. to you for helping me out!!!

    For now it seems that i am not ovulating any more (did see some EWCM yesterday morning and night, but now, back to almost nothing) so i am not going to push the DH to dtd with me again. If i dont fall this month then i know why...

    Thanks again!!! you really are whats keeping me sane!

  18. #306

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    Hi I would just like to say that I LOVE PACIFIC FAIR!!!

    note...big shopping centre on goldy *aaahhh*

    2nd note....still only spotting and it is 14dpo... no hope for double line is there?? lol

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