Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 08 #3

[mollycat]

Megsmum - Too true - Sometimes you just gotta laugh.

Can't wait til 6pm when I've finished work (yes, I'm working at the moment). The kids are giving me a hard time today.



Jen - having trouble with java still. I'll keep trying.......

[nicjay]

Maybe thats it...... the male swimmers get the whip..... ok new smilie..... egg hold s the whip..... saying.... "come and get it boys".....below is a rush of blue swimmers pushing past each other..... a couple of *cough* light blue swimmers are winking at each other saying... "ohhh what the heck" and skip off together.... a few pink swimmers pushing past the blue swimmers... and the rest of the pink ones sittin down below having a coffee and a chat saying... "i aint going there girlfriend"

the pictures that conjures up!!!!!

mollycat -Sometimes if I don't laugh at this all, I think I might cry intstead! Have fun with the rest of your work day

Well ladies, as much as I could keep on going with this rolling on the floor laughing for longer, I really do have to go and get DD her dinner. The day goes so fast now that daylight savings is here. Will have to try and do the chat thing sometime maybe, just don't know when - DH gets the poohs if I spend to much time on the computer at night

Have a nice weekend everyone and talk again soon

[jenushka]

Hello lovelies - just a quick post as ds is climbing the walls and trashing the place .... just got results back from bt today and hcg is 103. It's official I've checked out the numbers on betabase info and the average for 13 dpo is 63 so I'm pretty comfy with that... And in the interests of being positive and zen I've given myself a ticker, even if it IS really really early!

Have also posted a pic in the gallery of my 3 hpts (1 is NEVER enough)

Be back later for persies...

xx

[dellydoo]

Jenushka I am so so happy for you - what a wonderful post to read after going through the mad interchange between Angel, Mollycat, Hannah and Megsmum. Ladies you are just hilarious.
Well happy happy Friday to us all (especially you Jenushka!!)
Hugs
A

[Tuesday's Child]

jenushka - Thats fantastic news! What a way to end the week!

Have a great weekend ladies!

[AJC]

jenushka - congrats on the hcg results. That's great, you sound as relaxed as you can be. Am sure everything is going to be fine and this is a sticky bub. Big

[Milla]

Hello ladies,

I was wondering - did any of you seek the advice of a therapist following m/c? I seem to have a hard time coping with it and I was wondering whether I shouldn't seek some help. I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time and crying every time I see a pregnant belly/baby/maternity wear shop.

I want my former life back!!

[Baby Angels]

Milla

I will say no to the therapist, i didnt go to one...... because i found that being open with the ladies in here was better than therapy...... for me anyway. Not saying there is anything wrong with therapists.. i have been to them in the past and they have been wonderful...... for me though it was because I had trouble listening to people who hadnt walked in my shoes. which reminds me of a poem on my web site called which i will put in here if it helps

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don?t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child

Now as for the feeling crappy part.... there is only one thing that will help that and its time...... TIME...... thats why i always say... One Day At A Time...... each day the fog lifts a bit more... each day we stand a little taller..... each day we grow that little stronger...... I remember only 4 months ago (which would be 6 months after losing my little angels) sitting in a coffee shop... little baby behind me crying..... that cry went through my body... i sat there with tears just welling in my eyes... then I lost it... My DH knew straight away and sat there trying to comfort me. It was hell..... Last week I was at another coffee shop.... hmm seems like a past time but its not... and this baby started crying... i froze up because of the last time.... but this time i was alright... i still felt it but i didnt lose it. Now I m coming up to a year since losing my angels.... this time last year I was the happiest person around knowing I had twins... I was soooo stoked.... Now a year later and I still live by the One Day At A Time.

I am not the same person I was a year ago..... But I m certainly in a better place now than I was 10 months ago. It was like being covered in a fog that just wouldnt lift... everyday was impossible to deal with.. every breath was impossible... the pain was far to strong that I thougth I couldnt go on...... Everyone in here has had it.... everyone in here knows..... and thats why i found being open with the people in here to be the best thing i could do...... sometimes we cry in here... sometimes we laugh....but we all know the pain of wearing those shoes.... and we all walk hand in hand together.... in those shoes.

You may not have your former life.... buy you do have a life... and its with strength and support that you learn to live your new life.

If I had my wish, other than the twins, It would be that through education people would be more aware of what happens to us when we have a miscarriage. What happens to our hearts.. our heads... our lives.... that somehow people would be more prepared when it does happen or that there was something out there to make it all better ...faster....

If it helps at all hun... below this text is the words angel babies angel babies.... if you click onthat it is actually a link to my web site which is just a personal website i did for my angels..... I m told through the what has been sent to me that it has helped many just to be able to go through it... .you are more than welcome to go through it.... its there to help if it can....

[Milla]

dear angel

thank you so much for your sweet, uplifting message. I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this place. I feel like a fool after visiting your wonderful website - what you had to go through is a million times harder than what happened to me and I couldn't look at the website without crying.

Thank you again, also for the wonderful poem.

I thought that I was over everything after my D&C, that once it's gone from the body it is also gone from the heart. Unfortunately, it took me 2 months to realize that it is not as easy, and I think I just hit rock bottom this week. But as you say, time is a healer.



thank you, thank you, thank you - your message made me change my mood from "crappy" to "inspired"

[jen805]

Hey girls! I'm sorry I didn't get to post this am before I had to get to work! It was another crazy, hectic day! So I have lots of posts to read to catch up before I can do persies. Will be back later, have to figure out what's for dinner first! for all!

[nicjay]

Hey there Milla,

I had a similar thing happen to me too - I was OKish for a couple of months after my last m/c then fell in heap suddenly. I think it was mostly the approach of Christmas and some family members refusal to acknowledge my m/c and the expectation that I would be "back to normal" in time not to mess up their Christmas

Anyway, enough about me. The ladies here are a wonderful support of course, but I decided that I needed to find someone to talk to about it as well and was feeling like Angel, didn't want to talk to someone who had no idea what I was going through. I noticed you're in Europe so I don't know what you have available, but I went to Sids and Kids here in Aus. They have lovely counsellors that have all suffered a pregnancy loss and it helped me heaps to talk to them. I was wondering do you have some sort of miscarriage organisation over there who you could get some help from if you think you need it? I hope this helps you a little anyway

[AJC]

Milla - this is only my personal opinion: I went to a psychologist after my second m/c last year. It totally did not work for me - I felt like she just starred at me waiting for me to talk. I think I was expecting someone who would talk about feelings and how to handle them. I considered going to see someone else as I figured this woman was just a looney but then I stumbled upon this website and this forum/thread in particular and I found talking to other people who had actually been through what I was going through (or similar) helped the most. The ladies in here have been the most supportive people and important people in my ttcaml journey. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for my DH and family but the ladies in here are who helped me through my darkest days.

[joey123]

Hi girls,

Was just doing a bit of chart stalking and OMG Jenushka!!! YAY!!!



Congratulations!!

Looking forward to seeing some more BFP's next cycle!!

AFM - Going great, if being 'sea sick' 20 hours a day is great!! Got to see little Aussie's heart beat on Thursday. Ahhhhh

[Tam83]

Hi lovely ladies sorry I have been gone the last few days, I have been lurking though just not enough time to post.

Jenushka that's wonderful news congratulations. I that this will be a little sticky jelly bean and that you have a wonderful healthy pregnancy.

Angel Babies So glad that you are back and doing much better then the last time we spoke. I loved your poem it brought tears to my eyes, it is exactly how I feel. I always think to myself life is so unfair and I just want someone else's life that can fall pregnant and have a healthy baby but then something always reminds me that life can be so much worse. Yesterday I was doing a hospital guard at the Children's Hospital and I was around other sick children who were in the wards and I thought to myself life could be alot worse. It still hurts everyday but I think I will have to try and live the life I have been given.

Milla I dont think it's a bad idea to see a therapist if you feel the need to. Maybe go once and see want you think. I myself haven't gone to see I do struggle almost everyday to hold back the tears in my eyes and some days are harder then others. But the days just seem to keep rolling on by so I just take the good days with the bad and just keep hoping that the next day might be even better.

Jen
How you coping with the TWW? that this is your month.

Dellydoo There's nothing that I can say that will make you feel any better. I am happy that you can start TTC again and hopefully get you BFP and have a healthy pregnancy.

Larz Goodluck with your u/s on monday I can understand that you would be feeling really nervous. I hope everything goes well and you have a wonderful time at your niece 1st B'day party.

Megsmum Thats great news about your 20mm follicle Tell your DH to get ready for the race on sunday to catch the

WTH I hope you get great news at your u/s and that the increase in the puregon has done it's job.

To everyone else sending you lots of sorry I couldn't get around to posting to you have to get ready for work.

AFM AF is due today have had some slight cramping but nothing to extreme doesn't feel like she is going to be on time this month. So I will just have to sit back and wait for her arrival and then I can start my first cycle on clomid/

[Easha]

Hi Ladies,

To the Friday night chat crew..... Im sorry......... I fell asleep Hope you had a great time.

Hey Joey - glad to hear everything is great with you

AFM - Just passing the time again, had a temp increase again today, certainlyinterested in my temp tomorrow. Although I dont think I am in with a chance this month, little symptoms, BD only twice, another part of me is for a miracle.

Have great weekend lovely ladies

[Baby Angels]

Milla..... Dont ever feel like a fool.... What your going through at the moment, unfortunately, is completely normal. Your emotions are no less important than anyone elses and what you feel right now you need to allow yourself to feel. Be truley honest with your emotions... scream... cry... yell... tell the world its now fair. Please Please dont try and put what your feeling away because you think someone else had it harder.... Be truley honest with your own feelings..... and let them be..... Time is the healer... but time will take much longer if your hiding.

As you can see by the response by the ladies in here... you can say what you need to say in here.... we have all been there.... we have all felt what you feel right now..... your second little Angel was only in August and then another one in May...... Dont try and "get on top of it" or "pull yourself together" as a lot of people will say or think. Step through each day.... breath.... and then take another step...

It really is One Day At A Time hun.... and we are all here to take the steps with you.

[Mannie2903]

hi lovely ladies,

Jen - sending you lots of hope next month brings you a

Angelbabies - I love that poem, I hope you don't mind I would really like to send it a girlfriend of mine who lost her bub at 23 weeks in July. I understand how you felt and feel, I find it hard to chat to some of the pregnant ladies at work about their pregnancies as they dont know that I had m/c, I still try and keep a smile on my face while hiding the pain and sorrow inside, when they walk away and I go back to my desk I try not to shed a tear, its hard but I keep telling myself my time will come, be patient, God will send me a healthy baby eventually.

TAM - don't work too hard!! once the witch has come and gone its a new cycle with lots of promise especially taking the clomid am you get your sticky bean this month!

Easha - don't give up hope, my DH and I only did it twice and we fell when I was pregnant for the first time, it only takes one

Milla - I have gone to a therapist in the past (not for my m/c though) and she was great, however for my m/c I didn't see anyone I found this site enough and going to church and praying to God helped me.

Joey - ooooh how wonderful to hear the baby's heartbeat, thats fantastic news!! rest up and the next few months will fly by!! look forward to getting fat!!

Jenushka - great news on the HCG results and look forward to seeing your new ticker!!

AFM:I'm home alone, as DH has had to work overtime since this week's market falls to make sure his clients don't go into margin call, anyway I'm really ****ed that he's had to work today too, all day!! I know its his job but feels like I haven't seen him properly in days! Not that we could DTD anyway because I'm still spotting and I think this will be a really long cycle. I've joined Fertility Friends and I've bought an OPK kit which I used for the first time on Thurs night and it was negative, my temps have started to stabilise and are low at the moment, I've also been using Maybe Baby (i don't use it religiously because it doesn't always work, but haven't got much else to go by, with temps being everywhere and no CM because of the spotting....oh poor me!! sorry to dump this on you ladies but I thought my cycle had regulated itself after August natural m/c but doesn't look like it! Can't wait to see the gyno/ob on the 28th, boy will I have heaps of questions for him! But looks like this cycle may not be the one!! damn anyway have a fantastic day ladies

to everyone I've missed lots of to you all!!!

[Tuesday's Child]

Milla - I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now. I haven't been to see a therapist. DH suggested we go and see one together but we never got around to making an appointment. I struggled for a while after my m/c which was also my first pregnancy. I wasn't prepared for the bond that formed the minute I discovered I was pregnant. I didn't even realise how strong that bond was until I lost my baby. I struggled for a while trying to understand how I could feel such overwhelming grief for something so small that had been in my life for such a short time. After coming on this site and chatting with some of girls, I realised that I needed to let myself feel whatever I felt. Once I gave myself permission to feel like crap, I was then able to be more honest about my feelings with the people around me. If people at work or at home asked me how I felt, then I told them I was having a bad day. And you know what? They were actually okay with that. Then I knew that I had people around me to support me, so I didn't have to be strong for anyone.

Sorry, I've started rambling. In short, let yourself feel whatever you feel. And don't ever think your grief is any less than anyone else's on this site (another mistake I made which only made things more difficult). Also, you're life is now different. And you are different. Looking to get things back to what they were is just another struggle. I found that once I stopped fighting it so much, the fog that angel talked about started to lift. Not immediately, but gradually it happened.

These are all things I realised after coming onto this site. But, on the other hand, speaking to someone can't hurt either. You can always go once and see how you feel afterwards.