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Thread: Trying to Conceive after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth ~ March 09

  1. #91

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    Cheryl -- I wanted to write a note to express my support in regards to your mom. It's not an uncommon theme here, whether it be parents or other family members or friends, and lots of the girls here know that it's one that I've been struggling enormously with. Your story about grieving for your dad is especially familiar to me, as I could say the same about what happened after my sister died. Pressure to "get over it," bottle it up, a sense that it somehow isn't appropriate for a kid (in my case 10, in your case 15) to grieve openly, all leading to, as you say, all of it coming up with "compounded interest" many years later, like now when we're dealing with a new form of tragedy. I'm sure the generational gap is a big part of it, as you say; talking about miscarriage is still surrounded by a strange taboo today, so I'm sure many of our mothers are used to it being hushed up and are without emotional resources to handle a support role.



    I whole-heartedly encourage you not to try to force yourself "back to normal" at an artificial pace as I think you know that it will provide at best a temporary relief only to be replaced by bigger problems later. Talking to the girls here can be part of the outlet that you need; you can be perfectly honest about how you feel here and not be told to just get over it!

  2. #92

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    Hello Everyone,

    There is lots to catch-up on. I couldn't get onto BB on Sunday either and have been away for work.

    Welcome Cheryl, I am so sorry for the loss of you son Ryan, I went through a very similar thing to you. My daughter had a chromosome abnormality as well (mosacism), the physcial results of that was a serious heart condition amongst other things and she was not going to survive. I was induced at 19-weeks, it was the worst thing I have ever been through. I bleed for about 5-weeks and then had some 'sudden' heavy spotting every now and again for another week or so. My ob said this was all very normal. He also advised to wait for one cycle before trying. All the very best to you and I hope you conceive a healthy baby very soon. I also wanted to say that its bollocks that you should be 'over it' by now. You are grieving the loss of your son, you have been through one of the worst things a women could go through, so please don't feel any pressure to move on. I still have my moments and I lost my daughter in Oct 08. I think time does heal and it gets easier, but you will of course never forget him. Do things in your time and don't feel rushed.

    Nae Nae, I am soooo very pleased to hear that all is well and bubba is sticking nicely. Continuing to pray that your little one grows nicely.

    Diana, you poor dear, I would have been very upset at hearing all of that as well. It sounds like you have already made your decision, so I wish you all the best with that, it is not an easy one to make but I completely understand you wanting to cover all bases. As you have time, perhaps do some more reading on the subject to ensure that you are 100% confident.

    Beata, I'm really praying that you get the all clear next month to do the FET in June, you are almost there hun. At the rate I'm going I think I'll still be on the ttc train in June! I know I should be more positive, but this month of trying was not very eventful as my DH has been crazy busy, but things will be much better from this month, so fingers crossed.

    Teagz, glad that the wedding plans are coming along well and is not stressful. Not long for you either.

    Lan, thinking of you hun, how are you going?

    Cindee, how is your beautiful little girl going? I hope that she is doing really well and continue to grow nice and strong.

    Jo, not long for you. Wishing you all the best for the safe arrival of your precious bubs!

  3. #93

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    Hey girlies, a friend of mine sent me through a song called Spring by John Butler (who never ceases to amaze me, such a billiant artist) because it was a "nice sad song" she thought I'd relate to. I thought I would share it with everyone : )

    So Spring is in her belly,
    It's sprouted in her soul,
    and no one had to tell us,
    we did just know.
    and now life seems a little more, somehow, meaningfull
    and I looked at her like I always do and I see, beautiful

    Just the thought of you changed us,
    I remember exactly when,
    but as soon as you say hello,
    you say goodbye again,
    and now she feels abandoned,
    Forgotten and betrayed,
    well there ain't nothing I can do,
    Theres nothing I can say.

    But,
    Don't go away so soon,
    Im hopin to meet you,
    when will our paths cross again?
    I know we'll be the best of friends.

    Thought I'd like to meet you,
    See what you looked like,
    I bet you look like your mother,
    boy, you'd be shining in the light,
    but your not coming out to play,
    Not tomorrow or tonight,
    And now I hold her crying
    Yes I hold her body tight.
    Yes I hold her body tight.

    and I say,
    Don't go away so soon,
    Im hopin to meet you,
    when will our paths cross again?
    I know we'll be the best of friends.

    Don't go away so soon,
    I'm hopin' to meet you
    When will out paths cross again?
    I know we'll be the best of friends.

    Now its a month since your visit
    and your memory lingers on,
    Somehow feels like your around,
    even though i know your gone
    and in these times when you feel so low
    Aint nothing you can do
    But we're still thankful for your visit
    Cause we changed cause of you,
    Yeah we changed cause of you.

  4. #94

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    what a beautiful sad song, touches so very deeply and resonates with the soul.

  5. #95

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    The last verse gives me goose bumps...

  6. #96

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    Hi Girls,

    I'm very frasturated ATM as belly either crashes on me or I can't get on. Just a quick post in case I lose it again....

    Teagz, that's a beautiful song, thank you. Just a quick note about SANDS, the meetings have helped me heaps since I've been attending, but it's really full on. You have to tell your story every time you attend (cos there's always unfortunately someone new) so it really saps all your energy sometimes. It's the only place (apart from the psych) where I fully open up with lots of detail about my loss, so in a way it's my outlet to let everything out, and these girls have all been there so they understand. I don't think I'll go once I'm pg though.

    Cheryl, I totally understand where you're coming from about your mum. My mum really disappointed me when we lost Josh as she kept pushing me to get 'over it' and leave him in the past, as thinking of him is only holding me back in the past. I was so upset every time she said it. In the end I told her that she didn't understand, and that was really disappointing as I thought she would be the one to understand the best as she is a mother helself. These days we don't talk about Josh as I don't want her to say anything hurtful to me again. Really quite sad.

    Diana, I think you should do what feels comfortable to you, and listen to your intuition. If you feel better if a stich goes in, then do it, as you won't relax at all during your pregnancy otherwise. The other thing you can do is seek another opinion, but ultimately, do what feels 'right' to you.

    Megan, thanks hun. Don't worry if this month wasn't so great with TTC, there is still next month and we could be cycle buddies with Teagz in June!!! Really looking forward to June now, I'm learning to relax a bit and concentrating on other things to take my mind off 24/7 from TTC and babies!!!

    Sooooo, Teagz, Megan, Cheryl, Dee & Lan, lots and lots of good positive baby energy and lots and lots of and to you all. We really need a new BFP in here soon, we are overdue girls!!!!!

    Hi to Theresa, Jo76, Jas & Laney, I hope your pgs are going well and you're enjoying them now!

    Tildy, Jo and Sue & Helen, hi guys!! Jo, Sue & Tildy, not long for you girls!! Good luck to you all, I hope everything goes smoothly for all of you lovelies

    Rozie, thanks for your comment about your uterus after c/s. I really can't wait to find out how mine has healed, so I'm praying it all looks good on 4th of May. I was thinking about it today, and they didn't touch anything inside as the fibroid was growing more on the outside of the uterus. I think the issue with mine is that the wall is somewhat weakened by the incision so they just want to make sure it has healed properly. I don't think inmplantation is going to be a problem, as even when I had the fibroid, it was never protruding into the cavity. Fingers crossed hun!
    Hope you're really enjoying your beautiful little boy, I so wish that will be me one day!

    Big hugs and lots of love to you all

    Beata xxxx

  7. #97

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    It's funny how we'll get a huge run of BFP and then it's a drought again
    52 days beata!
    Thanks for the info about SANDS, I did look into it a while ago but the lady who ran it liked to have one on one sessions first before you join the group and I hate that phsychologists feeling - I have a fear that they are just going to tell me my life is warped and I'm living it all wrong XDD And I quite like my life, depsite having to live it without my little boy.

    Chez, I can't beleive what your mum said to you. I won't even go on a tagent on how horrible it is.. Just keep in mind that we are all here for you. We'll look after ya right up until you're holding your little bundle! After that we'll just live vicariously through your joy hehe
    I have a bit of an oposite affect on my mum. She had a still born bub between my brother and I, Jamie, then lost a baby at 16 weeks, then finally had my brother. We were all terrible babies and each one of us came out with our chords tied in knots around our necks. Poor Mum, it's a wonder she hasn't got more wrickles and gray hair! She totally understands what I feel like and seeing me go through everything brings back her pain for her babies and she'll have a bit of a cry with me. Somtimes I wonder who's meant to be comforting who. It is nice though, that she gets it, even though we set each other off a bit.
    You'll sometimes find that the last person you'd think would be helpful, will be the best shoulder to cry on. I have a friend who is as far away from having kids as you can get, and she's been amazing. But anyway... I'm on one of my tangents again!

    AFM, So far, I'm not sick, my bits are gerat (sorry for TMI) and I feel physically normal. Those herbs are the shizzle. The next couple of months are going to fly by I think, Easter weekend, the long weekend for Anzac Day on the 25th of April, then DF and I are going away on May 15 for Jayvan's birthday for another long weekend. Then I'm heading North for 3 weeks, leaving on the 22 May and getting back on the 15th of June. Oh... I'm going to miss you all so much! xx

  8. #98

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    Tilda, Berry1, Teagz & Beata thank you so much for your wonderful words of support regarding my mum's comments. I haven't heard anything back from her since I sent the e-mail telling her to essentially back off and try being supportive and understanding. I guess I'll wait to see what her next move will be. I expect she will try to phone on the weekend but as we are leaving first thing tomorrow morning for our escape down south I only have to get through today!

    Yesterday was very exhausting day for us both, physically and emotionally. I started the morning with an AP session but I found it dificult to relax as I was concerned about my GP appointment later that morning. As it turned out, my GP has scheduled me for a D&C next Wednesday which I am defininitely not looking forward to but she and the ob/gyn that she has referred me to has convinced me that it is probably the best thing to do. So now I am on 2 lots of anti-biotics, still off the alcohol because of them, and waiting for Wednesday. We were very impressed with the new ob/gyn our GP referred us to (the last one we sacked before the induction - a very long story - and used the public system) as she actually listened to us and treated us individuals and answered all of our questions, even though we kept asking the same types of things over and over, she was very patient, understanding and seemed genuinely sorry for our loss. Very refreshing! Oh and she said we should start trying as soon as possible after my first period - the whole dating thing again and that we should use BC before that - but I don't care because the chances of us falling pg first time around are probably less than us winning lotto, and we don't even buy tickets!

    We also spent 90mins with a psych which was emotionally very draining, and I think beneficial for me. DH didn't really connnect with her so I am not sure what we can do to help him - he's not into support groups.

    Anyway, that's my update. I hope everyone has a relaxing Easter and maybe the Easter bunny will bring some extra special for everyone!

    Hugs to all
    xx

  9. #99

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    Hey Cheryl,
    I'm sorry you have to do a D&C but so excited that you can TTC very soon! And never say never to falling pg on your next cycle hun! I have adopted this motto now, and feel a lot more empowered as anything is possible really!!!
    I hope your mum comes around. I gave up on mine but only b/c she is very stubborn and I can't see her taking a new view on things. She truly believes that my grieving and thinking about Joshua is keeping me from moving forward. What she doesn't understand is that I CAN move forward, whilst thinking of my little boy, he'll always be a part of me wherever I am in life. I'm just so blessed to have all of you girls and my 2 closest firiends (they both have had losses so they also understand) to be there for me and understand where I'm coming from.
    As for your DH, mine also isn't into support groups. He went with me to my very first SANDS meeting, but then felt I needed them more so he didn't go after that. My psych often asks about him, but I tell her that he only really feels confortable talking to me about Joshua and that's fine with me. I just recently found out from his younger daughter Jayde that she had a younger brother who died at 17 weeks gestation. I was initially upset with DF that he never told me about Michael, but he said that he didn't feel the need to and it was in the past. I then understood that he grieves very differently to me.
    Enjoy your trip hun and thanks for your Easter wishes. & to us all!!!!!!
    B xxxx

  10. #100

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    Hi lovelies,

    Teagz, you'll be away when I'm possibly doing my transfer! Oh no!!!!!! You simply must find an internet cafe while you're away (if you can tear yourself away from your own agenda ha ha) as I'll need you here for support hun! It's now only 51 days to go for our BFP, it's starting to feel more real now....yey! I'm so glad you're feeling heaps better now and your girlie bits too

    Diana, I suppose you must be at your busiest now Continue to look after yourself and just think this crazy time is almost over. Big cuddles coming your way and lots of belly rubs for you little one

    Nae, I pray your little beanie baby sticks like super glue and that the next few months are a bit more uneventful for you hun. Big hugs sweetie

    Megan, I truly hope the next cycle brings you a sticky little baby hun

    Lan and Dee, always thinking of you girls and praying hard for your BFP's as well

    Hi to everyone else, I hope the Easter bunny brings everyone a nice little surprise

    Love B XXX

  11. #101

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    Hello,

    Cheryl, I'm glad that you have found an OB that you are comfortable & confident in, that is very important. I hope that Wed comes and goes very quickly for you hun, I know its a horrible thing to anticipate, but the sooner its over the sooner your cycle will get back to normal and you can try again. It won't be long until you will be joining us ttc'ers. I really pray it happens for you super fast

    Beata, not long at all hun. You have been so amazingly patient with it all. I pray that you get your BFP on the first transfer

    Teagz, nice that you and DP are planning some time away in the near future, DH and I really need a break soon as well. We may go away in June as its our wedding anniversary

    Well, AFM, AF arrived today, which I did expect so wasn't as upset this month, but it still is disappointing. I am find the whole thing quite difficult, but I have no choice but to be patient and to solider on. My DH's work has really settled down, so it will be much easier for us to get to business this next cycle. Really praying this is it. Praying for a January baby

    Dee, how are you going? When is your next transfer? I really pray the next one is successful for you.

    How are you feeling Diana? I hope you are well.

    Hey Lan, always thinking of you. Hope you are doing ok hun.

    Have a wonderful Easter everyone.

  12. #102

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    girls i am still here just a few things in my life that i'm trying to sort out will be back with personals in the next couple of days but i'm still keeping tabs on you all.

  13. #103

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    Megan, sorry AF arrived this month. I truly hope May is your month hun . I admire your determination and strength and patience. And I know all of this will pay off for you soon hun, don't ever give up sweetie!! .
    B xxx

  14. #104

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    Hi girls,
    Happy Easter to all my beuatiful friends!! I hope everyone has a nice day and eat lots of yummy chockies!
    Love
    Beata xxx

  15. #105

    Default DD, Nae Nae and girls...

    Hi girls,

    Just wanted to say hello and see how you all are. Teags, and beata and Berry - hello. Hi to all the newbie's and sorry that you have found your way to this forum. We're all very lucky to have eachother here - it really got me through some bad days talking with you all.

    Nae - we're so much alike, its so scary. I'm on dial up as well, and I also had a little bleeding at the 4.5 weeks point. I went to the emergency ward CONVINCED I was losing the baby and had an ultra sound, and yep, everything was "so good, so far". And we're due one day apart!

    DD - if I didn't know better I would think you were tapping my phone lines. I have had the same response from my new PB. He believes there was a possibility of infection and or placental bleeding from when I lost Grace. BUT, he hasn't ruled out an incompetent cervix either. I told him that I didn't want to get to the point in this pregnancy where I was in the waiting period (i.e that day by day, are we going to make it) because that was very traumatic. But he has assured me that there is no less success rate in putting a stitch in before the cervix shortens or when it just begins to shorten - (and he is an exceptional (and expensive) high risk and Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialist). Sounds like this thing happens more frequently than we realise. Anyhow, I am really sorry for the both of us that this happened but you have something very important to focus on now in this current pregnancy. Give all your loving energy to that little beanie inside you. I hope with every part of my body that this Christmas is the best ever for all of us and our husbands/partners.

    AFM - So far, all is good - going in for fortnightly ultrasounds just to put my mind at rest. The worry sets in about two days later - its killing me.The morning sickness seems to be subsiding(ish). I am on Maxalon (a very safe anti nausea tab) and I reckon if I came off it I would know the true brunt of how bad it really is. I did my morning up-chuck this morning and because I feel good now (in the PM) I am getting all worried. It really is hard on the nerves being pregnant after two losses.

    I am going to have a lie down now, my biggest hugs go out to everyone. Much love, Jasmine. xxx

  16. #106

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    Happy easter everyone, sorry I've been MIA. Went away for Easter and just got Back.

    Beata, I will work out how to do the internet thing on my mobile for when I'm away. I don't want to miss out on your transfer at all!!!

    Hi to everyone else, I'm off for dinner at the IL's but I will be back tomorrow to do some more personals.

    Special to berry and chez. Sorry about AF, Berry. And Jos, sending huge sticky vibes. You're almost double digits!

    Loves loves xxx

  17. #107

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    Beata & Teagz, thank you for your kind words of support. I didn't expect this month to be successful, but the whole ttc thing in general is getting me down. We are going to plan better next month and cover all bases, so feel good about having a plan I must say I am so glad to have short cycles about 26-days, it means I don't have to wait long to try again. Has anyone elses cycles changed since going through a loss? My cycles use to be more like 29 - 30 days. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced that and if it is normal?

    Dee, nice to hear from you. I hope all is well.

    Jasmine, great to hear that everything is still going well for you. I can understand you being anxious in-between scans. It will be a relief I am sure once you are well and truly into the 2nd trimester.

    Lan, hope you are doing well.

  18. #108

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    Just popping in to wish everyone a Hoppy Easter,

    hoping you all had a good day, for me it was a bit hard but you get through it don't you. Having lots of chockie eggs was a bonus

    Love to all

    Nae x

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