Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[Hammi]

Oh thank you Debbie. That's very sweet of you to say. I know everyone in these forums understands loss. I take heart in what Katie said about people saying things more for themselves than for me.

Jen, you always know what to say. Hope this O day is The One for you and your DF.

Katie and Jo, how did your scans go? What did your bubs do? Can't wait to hear about them!

Hello to everyone else!

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. The scan went well and I can not tell you what a relief that was. My ob even picked up how nervous we both were. The baby has moved up a bit out of my pelvis (until now has still been very low) so it means that with each week the scans will become clearer. He did say that my placenta position and thickness (right between my stomach and the baby) means I probably won't feel 'reliable' movement until around 22 weeks. Typical! I am hoping I might get some flutters a couple of weeks before that but am trying not to stress about it. The baby gave a good kick whilst we were watching - probably telling us to get lost with the weekly scans! We forgot to ask for a measurement, and in my anal mind I am trying not to obsess over it. All looked good though. So big sigh of relief and crazy woman can have a rest for a couple more days.

[jen805]

Katiegirl--Great news on the scan! Glad to hear baby has moved up a bit, and that your scans will become more and more clear with each visit! So when will they be able to tell whether it's a boy or a girl? Are you able to get videos with each of your scans? I would think if you called the dr's office, they would be able to tell you the measurement that way you're not obsessing over it. I'm so glad you're able to get these weekly scans to help keep your worries at bay! Relax and enjoy, hun, it's going to be over before you know it! Sending you huge


Hi's to Hammi, jo, & Simba! Thinking of you all and hoping you're all well!

[jo76]

hey everyone!
we just got an update on our computer and now we just speed along! wo-ho!
All is ok with me, katie - appreciate your thoughts, my scan is coming up soon but not that quickly unfortuneately! Next mon i have my first OB appointment and then the week after, on the mon, i'll have the 12 week ultrasound eventhough i'll be a day off 13 weeks. So a little while to wait! I am exhausted this pregnancy, is anyone else the same? My husband will seriously leave me at this rate as his levels of understanding are at an all time low and i am wanting to sleep at 8.30 each night. I have a work styling session on tonight and won't get home from cheltenham till at least 10.30 so he was talking to me about my priorities at about 6.30am this morning. My problem with him at the moment is that if i asked he would'nt be able to tell me the due date or when my next ultrasound is i bet. So my husband is not my most favourite person right now and i am looking forward to a fun night of fashion styling! vent over!
hope you all are well!
really glad your scans are going so well katie. i have decided to ask for an ultrasound between my 12wk amd 12 week one for piece of mind, very much along your reasoning for your weekly. It will be a tough time to get through and i think for my stress levels will need the reassurance esp heading towards that 17-18 week mark. But just hang out for that movement, you have a very healthy bubs growing in there so you never know when they will decide to give you a nice kick hello!
jen - thanks for your thoughts also! I need that group hug right now. (pregnancy hormone overdrive i think!)
barbara and tm - not sure where you both are but i really hope you are both well! please let us know how you are going!!
talk soon now my zippy computer is firing away!
x jo

[Katiegirl]

Hi Jo - I was way off in thinking how far along you are! Blame it on preg brain - I actually think I may be suffering from this, plus also from an all time low tolerance with work. I was just working on an incredibly huge email to send out when my system crashed - so annoyed!

I would definitely encourage you to get a scan midway if that helps you. My ob said that my weekly scans are a good idea until I feel movement as I think he is fully aware how nervous we are. Poor you being so tired but having to work until 10:30! Is your DH annoyed that you are sleeping so much or working so much? Maybe he is just concerned for you but shows it by lecturing - typical manly thing to do! I would just remind him of the due date is I was you. I have to say that my DH is very different - each Saturday he wakes me by saying 'Happy 15 (or whatever week it is) Jbean (our name for this baby). I think because we don't already have children it makes it different for us. I heard DH speaking with an old friend and he told them about the baby and then went on to say how this is difficult for us and that we lost Nathaniel around this time. DH grew up in the country and this friend is from the country, and most of the men out there do not talk about feelings etc, so it makes me so proud to hear him being so honest with people.

Anyway - give your DH a change, and I say be honest and tell him what you need in terms of support and understanding. He came through on Mother's Day, so he obviously has his heart in the right place.

Jen - thanks for the congrats. It is so lovely how everyone gets excited for me. It gives a boost and helps me stay positive. Unfortunately my ob hasn't been giving me photos for with these weekly scans but I think I will ask for one next week. We have photos from our 6, 7 and 10 week scans (god I sound neurotic) and a dvd and photo from the 12, so we already have quite a collection. The 6 week is just of a jellybean which is where the name Jbean comes from. How are you going? I know your loss was still very recent and it must still hurt. You are so generous with your congratulations to people, I just hope you are getting the same back. Good luck with your testing, I guess this puts you in the TWW?

Hammi - thanks also for the well wishes. How are you going as well? I am sure you miss Hamish but I hope you are doing okay.

Simba - I will see you on Thursday night - do you remember what time was agreed upon? I emailed Moira but have not heard back.

Hi to TM and Barbara - I hope you are both well.

Well best get back to work and continue to be frustrated with the system!!!

[Simba]

hi all just a quick one from me.

katie - i had 6.30 in my diary so hoping that is the right time. i got an email today from moira but it didnt actually say the time but i am pretty sure that its 6.30. we will aim to get there then but it was a bit of a mad rush last time so will see how we go. glad to hear your scan went well.

hope everyone else is well, the tiredness has really kicked in for me so i am off to bed.

take care

sim
x

[Anthonysmom]

hi ladies I haven't been around in a long time. i just posted this in the Preg thread but want to put it here too.

As for me things have been crazy. i have been lurking quite a bit. just not ready to write. i thought things were going so well. my progesterone had started to go up after taking prometrium and i was feeling good, just exhausted. this is such a wonderful website for so many women. since i got pregnant 3 women have had miscarriages. it totally freaked me out. i also had apotting and lots of discharge (sorry TMI) for awhile. then i got busy b/c i was on my cousin's wedding last weekend. he got married at a casino a couple of hours away so DH and I made it into a mini vacation. on the ride up my ob called and said my HCG was doing well (122,500 at 7 weeks) but my progesterone dropped from 20 to 13.5, even though i am still taking pills. he is concerned, but said since i have had a positive u/s and my hcg is going up we can still have a positive outcome. he said i should be in wait and see mode. the whole wedding weekend was ruined for me. i am now freaked out. i have an u/s tomrorow at 11:30. i am hopeful but prepared for the worst. on the good side, i am exhausted starving, nauseaus. i am just so mad. once again my child seems to be very healthy inside of me, growing and thriving, but it is my body that is failing. i have so many doubts about if i can do this. anyway know that I am here. please send me good vibes tomorrow. oh and my due date is now New Year's Eve, so I have been calling doodle bug "Evie" especially since I think its a girl.

Barbara

[Katiegirl]

Hi Barbara - so glad to hear from you. I am going to pray like mad for you. Is there nothing else they can give you to help with the progesterone? I am sure all will be fine and you will have a beautiful baby to see in the New Year. Please keep us updated! I was so glad to see your ticker.

Hi Simba - I got the email as well and without a time. So we are going to aim for 6:30 as well. See you tonight.

[jen805]

Anthonysmom--Oh, Barbara, I'm sorry you have to be going through this! Is there anything else your dr. can do that would increase your progesterone? Good luck tomorrow with you u/s, you're in my Sending you positive You can do this, hun, just relax and focus on the positives--your previous u/s and BT's. Evie's a beautiful name--New Year's Eve, what an awesome EDD! Take care, and please let us know how things go tomorrow with your u/s!

[AJC]

Anthonysmom - Sending bucket loads of positive vibes to you, and I love bub's name 'Evie', that's adorable. Hopefully you'll see a healthy little hb and you'll wonder what on earth you were worrying for (although as women ttc is seems to come so natural to us).

[jo76]

hi!
i'm gonna cut right to the chase!
barbara - you have no idea how happy i am to see your post. (and i don't mean that to be insensitive in light of your post subject -i really hope you understand what i mean!)
I was hoping you would come back and i am glad you have! i really want to send you a bucketload of hugs for your ultrasound also! There are so many pluses still on your side right now so please hang onto that hope right there!i really hope the ultrasound gives you a gorgeous view of your baby "evie" (which i LOVE by the way!) and puts your mind in a much more peaceful place. I am glad your docs are monitering your levels also so you know where you are at. I am the same, still scared to hope to much but i am reaching a point that i really have to believe in this baby i am carrying and what it means for our family. we are here to support you at anytime, lurk if you wish but vent if your need to also! take care and lets both practise those positive vibes huh?!?
katie - you know that work girl - well the saga of guessing continues! Last night apparently she said to my mgr (who knows) as i was in the car behind, so do you know if jo is pregnant yet. Worse was that another girl from work was in there and asked why she thought i was pregnant? so she begins the list and my mgr just goes if you want to know just ask and she was saying that she could'nt do that and the other girl was like she is too skinny, shes not showing. and so the dectitive work continues. So now i have deecided to keep it a secret as long as my belly decided to be on my side with that!As for the DH advice, true about mothers day so thank-you for that. For me this pregnancy is no different or any less exciting than my others so i have the expectation for him to be the same i guess. i still find every moment amazing, (in my nervousness and even the annoying peeing 3 x a night) and i still trawl preg websites for updates and pictures etc. It could be my first or 20th child and it would not change the experience for me. So i think that is my line of thinking, i will talk to him tho.
hey to everyone else -sorry for lack of personals!
xxjo

[jen805]

jo--Sounds like you work with a couple super-sleuth, Nancy Drew wanna be's! You should keep them in the dark for as long as possible!

[jo76]

ha ha Jen! I agree, Nancy Drew is def the person she is being! Hmm, like you suggested, it is my turn to have fun with it. This will the one time i hope my belly stays hidden as long as possible! then i can go "oh, by the way, i'm 6 months preg..." and watch her collapse in shock! ha! And since we are absolutely no closer to telling my inlaws i don't think she will be the only one!
to any of you who are going to the open day for belly belly, have fun without me! i was going and now i have been called in to work so am shattered that i will miss it and have to change my rsvp! Fill me in if anyone goes! i would love to hear about it!
First OB appointment is on monday, argh! - will update you then! Am excited and nervous, will be interesting to hear what he says!
take care all!
x jo

[jen805]

Hi jo--Oh, I wish I could go to the opening day for BB! Sorry to hear you got called into work--does that mean you'll be stuck working with Nancy Drew? Good luck on Monday with your first appointment-how exciting! Are you getting an u/s done, too? Everything's going to go great, I just know it! Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend! Take care!

[Katiegirl]

Hi all - I am not going to the BB opening. I figured there would be too many babies etc for me. Shame you have to work Jo.

Also Jo - good luck tomorrow. I can't wait to hear your good news. What hospital are you booked at?

Hi Jen - how is your TTCing going. Do you have any feelings about this cycle?

As for me, not much to report. I still get emotional and scared at any given moment and my DH is very good as helping me through my tears. I am starting to feel pregnant in that my back hurts and the belly is starting to get heavy. Last night I woke up and I must have been in the one position for too long because I had such a hard time moving - muscles really low in my pelvis were not happy! I will ask my Ob how I can stay comfortable sleeping without actually hurting myself or pulling a muscle. I actually don't mind being uncomfortable as it means I am getting bigger...but I already have a pretty big belly (it has popped the last week or so) so I wonder how huge I will be at the end....there you go some positive thinking

[jen805]

Hi Katiegirl! Thanks for asking about me Not really sure what to think about this cycle. I'm sure I must have O'ed, but not sure when. AF due next Sat. Haven't felt anything symptom-wise--the only thing was I had a pinching sensation in my armpits this morning. I know it probably sounds silly, but that's actually how it started for me last time. Although I do have to admit that I felt it last month, and of course, it didn't turn out to be anything. It's definitely weird, though. I also have been thinking all day that my bb's feel different--not tender or swollen, nothing visible. They just feel different inside, that's the only way I can describe it. It sounds really lame unless I end up with a BFP! But I'm not planning on testing anytime before next weekend--I don't want to see any unnecessary BFN's! DF and I certainly BD enough and at what I thought were the right times, so


I remember how uncomfortable I used to be at night when I was pg! I can imagine what you're going through, poor thing--have you tried laying on your side with a body pillow propped under your belly? I always had insomnia really bad, and would wake up early every morning starving! Are you having fun with those symptoms as well? I'm so happy for you, though, and I know you wouldn't have it any other way! So sweet of your DH to be so helpful and supportive

[Katiegirl]

Hi Jen. I also didn't test until 4 or so days after AF was due. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just my cycle playing games. Though my first test was a BFN! I was silly and tested in the late afternoon after drinking loads of water all day - so my urine was very weak. It was such a shock though as by then we were very late and had started to get my hopes up. But next morning with FMU I got a faint positive. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and I am hoping for the best.

We are madly cleaning today as my brother is staying the night - he lives in Brisbane and has a meeting in Melb tomorrow. I wish I could find the energy to just keep this place tidy 24/7. I am looking forward to finishing up work so I can get this place sorted - we have so many cupboards overflowing with what I am sure is useless stuff!

Anyway must keep cleaning. Have a great weekend everyone.

[Hammi]

I just got my period today - my first since Hamish's birth. I really wanted it to happen so I know that my body is functioning normally. Also I'm hoping to start TTC after about 3-4 cycles.

It's now almost 7wks since we lost Hamish and most of the time I'm normal. Like nothing's happened. I laugh, I smile, and when people come up all teary and tell me how sorry they are for me I feel exceptionally calm and rational.

But at times I think about my little boy and how he looked like us and how he used to kick and kick and how he's gone I feel so sad. Especially because we'll never know for sure if he's OK, where he's gone, if he knew how wanted and loved he was.

Sometimes I think about a new baby and feel excited and hopeful but then I'm scared to go through all of this again. Then at times I don't want a new baby, I just want my little Hamish. I wish I could put him back in my tummy and grow him big and fat so he doesn't look so small and frail...

Usually when I look at his photos, I see my perfect boy resting peacefully but lately I look at them and I see death and I'm horrified. Reality is horrific. My baby's not supposed to die.