Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[jo76]

ha ha Jen! I agree, Nancy Drew is def the person she is being! Hmm, like you suggested, it is my turn to have fun with it. This will the one time i hope my belly stays hidden as long as possible! then i can go "oh, by the way, i'm 6 months preg..." and watch her collapse in shock! ha! And since we are absolutely no closer to telling my inlaws i don't think she will be the only one!
to any of you who are going to the open day for belly belly, have fun without me! i was going and now i have been called in to work so am shattered that i will miss it and have to change my rsvp! Fill me in if anyone goes! i would love to hear about it!
First OB appointment is on monday, argh! - will update you then! Am excited and nervous, will be interesting to hear what he says!
take care all!
x jo

[jen805]

Hi jo--Oh, I wish I could go to the opening day for BB! Sorry to hear you got called into work--does that mean you'll be stuck working with Nancy Drew? Good luck on Monday with your first appointment-how exciting! Are you getting an u/s done, too? Everything's going to go great, I just know it! Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend! Take care!

[Katiegirl]

Hi all - I am not going to the BB opening. I figured there would be too many babies etc for me. Shame you have to work Jo.

Also Jo - good luck tomorrow. I can't wait to hear your good news. What hospital are you booked at?

Hi Jen - how is your TTCing going. Do you have any feelings about this cycle?

As for me, not much to report. I still get emotional and scared at any given moment and my DH is very good as helping me through my tears. I am starting to feel pregnant in that my back hurts and the belly is starting to get heavy. Last night I woke up and I must have been in the one position for too long because I had such a hard time moving - muscles really low in my pelvis were not happy! I will ask my Ob how I can stay comfortable sleeping without actually hurting myself or pulling a muscle. I actually don't mind being uncomfortable as it means I am getting bigger...but I already have a pretty big belly (it has popped the last week or so) so I wonder how huge I will be at the end....there you go some positive thinking

[jen805]

Hi Katiegirl! Thanks for asking about me Not really sure what to think about this cycle. I'm sure I must have O'ed, but not sure when. AF due next Sat. Haven't felt anything symptom-wise--the only thing was I had a pinching sensation in my armpits this morning. I know it probably sounds silly, but that's actually how it started for me last time. Although I do have to admit that I felt it last month, and of course, it didn't turn out to be anything. It's definitely weird, though. I also have been thinking all day that my bb's feel different--not tender or swollen, nothing visible. They just feel different inside, that's the only way I can describe it. It sounds really lame unless I end up with a BFP! But I'm not planning on testing anytime before next weekend--I don't want to see any unnecessary BFN's! DF and I certainly BD enough and at what I thought were the right times, so


I remember how uncomfortable I used to be at night when I was pg! I can imagine what you're going through, poor thing--have you tried laying on your side with a body pillow propped under your belly? I always had insomnia really bad, and would wake up early every morning starving! Are you having fun with those symptoms as well? I'm so happy for you, though, and I know you wouldn't have it any other way! So sweet of your DH to be so helpful and supportive

[Katiegirl]

Hi Jen. I also didn't test until 4 or so days after AF was due. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just my cycle playing games. Though my first test was a BFN! I was silly and tested in the late afternoon after drinking loads of water all day - so my urine was very weak. It was such a shock though as by then we were very late and had started to get my hopes up. But next morning with FMU I got a faint positive. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and I am hoping for the best.

We are madly cleaning today as my brother is staying the night - he lives in Brisbane and has a meeting in Melb tomorrow. I wish I could find the energy to just keep this place tidy 24/7. I am looking forward to finishing up work so I can get this place sorted - we have so many cupboards overflowing with what I am sure is useless stuff!

Anyway must keep cleaning. Have a great weekend everyone.

[Hammi]

I just got my period today - my first since Hamish's birth. I really wanted it to happen so I know that my body is functioning normally. Also I'm hoping to start TTC after about 3-4 cycles.

It's now almost 7wks since we lost Hamish and most of the time I'm normal. Like nothing's happened. I laugh, I smile, and when people come up all teary and tell me how sorry they are for me I feel exceptionally calm and rational.

But at times I think about my little boy and how he looked like us and how he used to kick and kick and how he's gone I feel so sad. Especially because we'll never know for sure if he's OK, where he's gone, if he knew how wanted and loved he was.

Sometimes I think about a new baby and feel excited and hopeful but then I'm scared to go through all of this again. Then at times I don't want a new baby, I just want my little Hamish. I wish I could put him back in my tummy and grow him big and fat so he doesn't look so small and frail...

Usually when I look at his photos, I see my perfect boy resting peacefully but lately I look at them and I see death and I'm horrified. Reality is horrific. My baby's not supposed to die.

[jen805]

Oh Hammi, While I'm relieved for you that AF is proving you're body's getting back to normal, I know that it's a really hard thing to cope with. It's like part of you wants to be happy that things are getting back on track, but most of you is still heartbroken over the loss of your precious angel Hamish. I've noticed a couple times when people would find out, and like you said, come up all teary and apologetic, I would be telling them that it was ok--that I'm just hanging in there--very calm and rational like you said... but it's like I'm consoling them for my loss! I think in my case it's easier to cope like that--most of the time I have to really focus on not thinking about the child I lost (while I've lost 4 total, the last one was definitely the hardest) and just focus on the child we're trying to create right now. I, too, feel excited and hopeful and scared about going through it all over again, but I feel more scared NOT to try, like I would be giving up on something that I so desperately want! It's so hard to not dwell on what might have been, or could have been... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and smarter, and a valuable lesson is usually learned--it just usually takes time for that lesson to become clear, and you're able to realize what it was that you needed to learn from that experience. I'm sorry you're down, hun. Know you're always in my thoughts and prayers.