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Thread: Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage Feb/March 08

  1. #73

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    Simba - I know about screwy bodies. sorry about the computer. you will be in YOUR house soon.

    TM - glad the progesterone is going well. I am at "full flow" somewhere between medium and heavy. I am on baby aspiring for my messed up MTHFR gene. I wonder if that causes screwy bleeding? Tomorrow will already be day 3 of my cycle so my temp should definately drop, right?

    Hope all you ladies are well.

    Barbara


  2. #74

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    Happy Easter everyone.

    Barbara - I am so sorry that AF has come. I know how much to meant for you to be preg for Anthony's date in April. All I can say is that I understand you being upset and I hope that April brings some better news. I can't offer any advice about why your temp is still high - could it be something to do with the aspirin?

    Hi to everyone else. Not much news from me. Had a very busy weekend. For some reason I started to get anxious again yesterday. I have got it into my head that I don't have enough symptoms. I get little thoughts that all blend together to create one big load of anxiety. It is all irrational but so hard to not allow myself to get stuck in a cycle of worry. I am seeing my Ob tomorrow so hopefully he will offer some reassurance.

  3. #75

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    hey everyone!
    our house settled today!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally! As of this weekend we will be in the house and i will have way to much space to think about but will have an awesome time furnishing! Can't believe it is finally here!
    katie - A bit of worry for any of us and what we have been through is going to be normal, but i can't believe though that your OB appoint is here already! I really hope that you can push aside those worries long enough to enjoy your visit to him. No symptoms are ok. In my pregnancies i am that horrible girl who everyone loves to hate as i don't get one ounce of morning sickness, i don't show until late (eventhough i want to) and all the constipation, sore boobs, etc i never got either. Just the great side effect of the boob growth spurt which lets face it i will not say no to! So that is quite normal too! And maybe (positive thinking!) it is just your body finally giving you a nice break so you can just enjoy being pregnant!
    barbara - :hugs: I have been thinking about you! our damn bodies are so screwed up sometimes! I don't know what to say but at least TM seems to have some good info. Some of you girls are amazing with what you know about our systems! i am learning things all the time just being on this site! Please take care of you!
    TM - keeping fingers crossed for you!!!!!!

    Right now girls i am waiting for my AF to arrive between now and the 5th due to my weird cycle last month. So wish me luck that it does not come! Not that DTD has been a regular occurance anyway! (again - no house of our own = less privacy!) immaculate conception perhaps? So i am not hoping too much as i don't want the disappointment of last month. Plus i am hoping the excitment of a new house ...well, you know!!!! TMI! I too am really conscious of jacks EDD coming up quicker than ever! I have one month and have asked for the time off already to do anything but be at work! So i still have alot going through my mind. Made easier by my now manager saying she had been conscious of when the date may be coming up so she could allow me the time! Even though she does'nt often acknowledge it (too difficult for her) it was nice that the silent thought was there!
    wish me luck house (yay!) cleaning tomorrow!
    xxx
    Last edited by jo76; March 25th, 2008 at 09:57 PM. Reason: spelling -i'm hopeless, its late!

  4. #76

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    Barbara - so sorry that af arrived for you. was so hoping for you this month. dont really know what to say but thinking of you and hope that your wait is not too much longer. take care of yourself - you deserve some pampering - a massage or some retail therapy couldnt hurt?!

    jo - so happy for you about the house. good luck with the move on the weekend. it will be so nice for the two of you to have some space to yourselves. fingers crossed for you for this month but if not i am sure next month will be hopefull with all that time to yourselves! so glad your boss has been supportive about jack's edd it would be so hard to be at work that day. lani's bithday and the day she passed away are still a while away for me 26th nov and 12th dec but i know they are going to be very emotional. even with this new bub finally here then i know that it is going to be a hard time. take care of yourselves - have you thought of doing something special to remember jack on that day?

    tm - have my fingers crossed for you - so glad that things are going better for you lately. when can you test?

    dh and i had a really relaxing easter we got to see some surf at the pro at bells beach. dh got vip passes though his work so we got to meet some surfers which was fun. i have no symtoms really either katie so know how you feel - yesterday i was almost tempted to go and buy a test just so i could see the line i just dont quite believe it still. 2 1/2 weeks till my scan and then hopefully it will sink in then. anyway am enjoying some time at home - school hols this week and next so no work for me!!

    anyway take care ladies and sending lots of you all deserve it

  5. #77

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    Hey, girls, I had one of those moments recently that we all know too well. I was on another forum, completely unrelated to fertility, and one of the girls was going on and on about her best friend who's sonogram revealed she's carrying twins! I'm ashamed to say how jealous I was. Granted, it's not a forum I go on frequently, and most of the other users are not moms, so they wouldn't know how it would affect me (they do know about my mc). And besides, the world is not about to stop for me, but I had to confess my jealousy here, and then I'll be okay.

    The weird thing is, I'm not jealous when one of us on this forum gets preg, I guess because we've all shared the same trauma.

    I called my FS today because I've been on progesterone since Saturday and haven't had breast tenderness yet, but his nurse said it was "a little early" to expect that. I wish I had been in the habit of charting my BB symptoms, but all those years of NFP, it didn't matter--it's not considered a sign that it's a fertile day, so I didn't worry about it.

    Barbara: yeah, I would definitely expect your temp to have dropped by now. If it doesn't, let your FS know what's going on. Baby ASA might make you bleed heavy, but I doubt it would cause irregular shedding (but if you learn something different, please share!

    Katiegirl: you're entitled to more than a few moments of irrationality these days. but you know to call your doc if you really get crazy

    jo76: congrats and best of luck!

    Simba: I can't test until about 13dpo because the hcg shot I took takes about that long to clear my system, so I'd have no way of knowing if it were drug or "real" hcg

  6. #78

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    Katie - I think having anxiety is perfectly normal. After our experiences there is no way to avoid it. Just remember a mantra they say in the pregnancy thread. "I am taking this baby home."

    Jo - stay away AF!! SO glad to here about the house. Don't bet against the immaculate conception. A very good friend of mine swears she had sex only one time all month when she conceived her daughter. They were actually trying NOT to get pregnant. Your boss sounds terrific. I have less than 2 weeks and I don't even think hardlyany people even realize it (even my close friends)

    Simba - So lucky to be on holiday. I can't wait until our next school holiday. I am jealous of the beach stuff. I used to live on the beach in California and loved going down to watch surf and volleyball events. I think I may take your idea on the pampering. I certainly can use a mani pedi.

    TM - I still feel uncomfortable when I see a pregnant woman. I have friends who know my situationa nd talk about babies and pregnancy all the time. To be honest I am so happy for the ladies in here with BFP (yeah Katie and SImba) but am jealous none the less. Good luck with testing. I am feeling very positive for you.

    SO my temp dropped on Monday which was day 3. I feel like I am always waiting for something to be wrong, which is why I freaked out when my temp didn't drop. I am trying to stay positive (but it is hard) I think that I put this timeline in place to get pregnant for Anthony. I need to not look at it that way. it won't make my son come back to me. I need to look forward. more positive thinking. with that said I am a wreck lately with his due date coming. i think about hm constantly. I am trying to balance my thoughts and love for my son with trying to bring a new shild into my life but yet keeping the two thoughts separate. I don't think I am making sense. On another positive note I have now lost 19 pounds of pre-pregnancy weight. (29 with the 10 pounds I gained during pregnancy) still got a lot to go though. remember ladies keep it positive.

    Barbara

  7. #79

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    Hi Barbara - I totally understand how you feel envious about pregnant women. Even though I am now pregnant, I still find it uncomfortable when people talk about babies and pregnancy. We had friends over on Sunday for Easter, and one started talking about his girlfriend how has completed an ultrasound course which would enable her to do 3D scans. He kept going on and on about it, and at first I was ok but then I started to get a bit uncomfortable. He even said 'it would be for people who are having their first baby' - and to that my friend said 'or their 2nd' which I was so grateful for. He then went on about it being a 'reassurance' for people. I honestly thought he would never shut up. He was so blind to how uncomfortable I was that I actually started laughing. I think people forget how painful all these reminders are for us - especially considering that we would still be pregnant if we had not had our losses. When is Anthony's EDD? Nathaniel's is 23 April. We are going away that day for a 5 day break. We plan to get up and go to the beach and watch the sunrise - I will also take a white rose for Nathaniel. I also plan to go to Mass that day. We then have a midday flight for a 5 day break. I am thinking I might take off the 2 days before hand. It is so hard to know how we will feel leading up to it.

    So Barbara, I hope the next 2 weeks for you are okay. Take the time to grieve for Anthony. And know that you will get your next baby soon. I do feel that losing our babies makes us appreciate the next ones even more. We all know that you just can't take pregnancy for granted.

    for all of us.

  8. #80

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    Hey ladies - as usual itt seems pretty quiet in here.

    Katie - Anthony's due date is Sunday, April 6. I wish we could go away but I have commitments on saturday. I am going to paint my second bedroon that day (it was going to be his bedroom). And then probably eat a huge ice cream sundae, which will not work for my low-carb diet, but i don't care.

    Jo - Hope you are lving the new house. hope AF stayed away.

    TM - Are you ready to POAS yet? Good luck.

    Simba - how are you? hope all is well.

    Well as I said Sunday. I am freaking out one minute and being strong the next. My DH and I will be painting our spare bedroom that day. My cousin came over on Sunday to see the renos we have been doing and he said our spare room looked great so far and will be perfect when we have a baby. I almost cried. On Saturday I have to go to bridal shower. I think it may be a good distraction. Man I really wanted to be pregnant by now. As happy as I am for the women here it is still so painful. I remember when I got the all clear to TTC (we didn't that month becasue I wasn't ready) but I posted it in another thread. A lovely woman who m/c about the same time as me said wow she couldn't believe I was ready (which i wasn't) i saw that she is now pregnant. i am totally happy for her. she deserves it. but darn it so do i. sometimes i believe that i really was never meant to have children. and that god gave me ANthony so that I can say I was pregnant once and did have a baby. sorry for the downer thread, its a downer week. can you ladies say a prayer, light a candle, just think about, (or however you feel comfomfortable) my son Anthony on SUnday. It should have been the happiest day of my families life.

    Barbara

  9. #81

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    Hi Barbara. I wanted to send you a big hug as I know this week must be very hard for you. I will certainly say a prayer for Anthony and his mum and dad on Sunday. I will be at church so I will make sure I light a candle in his memory. Reading your post has really bought home how unfair it is that instead of this week being about waiting for your delivery, you are waiting for a date that now seems so cruel. To be honest, I have just shed more than a few tears for you. It is so unfair and I am so sorry that you have to feel this grief and pain.

    You will be a mother. Please don't ever give up the hope that you will have the chance to have another baby. Your time will come. It is very hard when people who have also suffered a loss express surprise that you are ready to try again. I think it is a very personal thing and something that you have to decide for yourself. Please be kind to you and your DH and remember Anthony for the beautiful soul that he is.

    I saw my kinesiologist last week and we talked about Nathaniel and also my fears surrounding this pregnancy. She told me that she believes that souls choose when it is there time to come to here and that some souls find they only need to be here for a short time in order to fulfil what they needed. I like to think that maybe Nathaniel decided that in his short time he had experienced enough love that he was ready to go back to heaven. Whilst it is hard to accept it also gives me some peace to think he was fulfilled. I don't know if that will click with everyone but when she said it to me it made sense to me.

    I am also starting to feel the effects of 23 April approaching. Some days I am fine and others not so. I think we just have to try our hardest to get through it.

    So a hug to you and know I will be thinking of your family on Sunday.

  10. #82

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    hi barbara - will definitely be thinking of you and anthony on the 6th. it will be such a tough day for you, i hope you get a chance to do some special things to remember him. i have been feeling a bit wierd about posting in here - i dont want to make things any harder on you but also dont want to ditch you either. i know it must be frustrating when people in this thread and others get pg - i know you are so happy for us but i understand that its hard. i would find it hard and i would be jealous so dont feel bad about feeling that way. i am now feeling so jealous of the ladies in the other thread that are so much further along than me so i dont think that feeling ever really stops. we always want what we dont have!

    i am feeling well - no symptoms as yet. not really expecting any as i didnt really get any last time. will be having my scan on the 12th so will know for sure my dates but think i am now about 7 weeks.

    anyway take care and sending you a bucket load of

    hope everyone else is well, hugs to you all

    sim
    x

  11. #83

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    I got a BFN yesterday. I'm sad, but I'm coping.

    Anthonysmom: sending cyberhug (and prayers and everything else). It's such a journey to conception sometimes, and it's so easy to fall into a slump--you know that. And you can't really talk somebody out of feeling that way. But I just wanted to say I'm pulling for you and you're not alone. Hope that helps.

  12. #84

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    ladies - thanks for all your kind words. i will post more later. right now I just feel like lurking.

    Simba - Please don't leave. I am truly happy for those of you who have gotten your BFP. It gives me hope. It reminds me of why we keep trying and that happiness is achievable. SO stick around. I'd love to hear about your journey.

    barbara

  13. #85

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    TM - I am sorry about your BFN. our time is coming and you are right we are not alone.

    Barbara

  14. #86

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    Hi

    I hope it's alright to 'pop' in.
    Firstly, I'm sorry for all of your losses. I feel a little funny being here - I see some of you have had much later losses than mine. I don't want to gate crash - so please let me know if I am in the wrong place.
    A little about me: I have had 4 losses in the past 12 months: 6wks, 4wks, 12wks, and 4wks. We have been TTC since DH VR in Aug '05, no BFPs until 17months after VR and now 4 losses. I have spent the last two years BBT charting and peeing on sticks if I get to 12/13DPO. I think I've just had enough of all of it. I have an RE/FS who has done most of the RPL tests but I seem to be 'normal' so far. I'm currently in the 2WW and feeling mixed about wanting to be pg; I certainly don't want disappointment again! I should add that I really don't feel we can take a break as I am 38 and not getting any younger!

  15. #87

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    hello everyone!

    well, i have been around but have'nt been up for posting which in reality probably would have taken a load off my shoulders but....
    so here i am anyway...i have had a weird last few weeks. moving into the house has been great! its so nice to have my own space finally but Dh and I have been fighting alot about the lamest things so it has had its moments too!But the best thing is from the day we moved in it felt like home so that has been a comforting feeling in all the upheaval.
    I was having a bad day the other day and said to Dh i bet you can't even tell me when jack was due and he was like sometime in may. He must have seen my face as he corrected it to sometime early may but i still blew up at him for being so uncaring and such a pig and being all about himself when it was obvious that his wife had some things going on. He said you can be sad and not forget but you have to move on which just about killed me to hear him say and i realised that we really do stand very differently on this subject. I don't think he really understands that my grief on some days is so real and confronting and immensly painful and he was like "i have dealt with it in my own way and moved on" WTF!!!!!! Needless to say i got alot of my chest (including your a insensitive B@@@@@D !!!!! comment!) and we are in a much better place. He said i don't talk to him anymore (true!) but i also said he does'nt ask! MEN!
    As for AF this month, well today is the magic day it was due after that huge ****-up of being 10 days late last month. (due on the 25th, arrived on the 5th) so i have been planning for it to come on the 5th (today) and nothing. At all. So now i am wondering what the hell my body has instore for me this month. I highly doubt i am pregnant (back to that immaculate conception theory! lol!) and i hope i'm not as for the last month i have not taken any of my folate tablets or eaten well, hardly drunk any water (living on soft drinks - so not me!I'm a 2.5 ltr a day water girl). Eaten so much sugar and choc over easter i am surprised my teeth have'nt fallen out!Really bad. But then i am hoping my Af makes an appearance soon as i can't go through what i did last month and not so close to Jacks EDD approaching. (may 3)
    I am seeing my psychic on monday. i just really feel i need to go back and see her as the last time i did was 3 days after Jack was delivered. The last time i saw her she bought up Jack and scary personal things and i left feeling very comforted. I know that its not everyones thing but she is like a mini counselling thing for me. And I just feel i need to go, so whatever makes us happy right?!?
    So now you can see where my poor head has been at, on daily countdown to get AF which has'nt turned up, fighting with DH and moving! PHEW! Days of our lives - eat your heart out!
    so to you guys!
    SNOWIE - a loss is a loss at ANY stage of pregnancy. Granted for mine I got to deliver a child and hold him etc but I really believe you grieve for your child and what could have been all the same. So gatecrash and join us! Some here have had some great news that we should use as an inspiration so I hope you continue to chat!
    TM - sorry also about your BFN! Still keep up all that your doing! i think your are quite amazing! keeping fingers crossed for you this month!
    barbara - I'll be thinking of you! I have had you in the back of my mind for a week as I knew anthonys date was approaching!Please take care and have some time for you! You will need it! I am sending you so much love and hugs! Know that your son will be in our thoughts also. You won't be alone! We may not be there for you in person but we are here in spirit! Lurk if you need too (as i have been -sometimes its a comfort in itself) but we are here to support each other so lean on us! xxxxx
    Katie - sounds like everything is going so well for you which i am so happy to hear about! I can't imagine how excited you must have been to hear that heartbeat.
    Simba - i really don't know still what we will do for Jacks EDD.I have the weekend off and am really at a loss. i am sure what is right will come to me soon. Glad to hear your preggie symptoms are staying away! Now you can just enjoy it and all it brings. I think what you have done for Lani sounds wonderful and at least you know if you need to see her things that are carefully placed away. It must have been hard so I think you are very courageous!
    good luck to those that are happily preggers and good luck to the rest of us catching that dust!
    take care and i'll be back in the next couple of days updating the AF situation if there is any!
    xx jo

  16. #88

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    Barbara - I am thinking of you and your DH today, as well as your beautiful angel Anthony. I have said a prayer for you and will light a candle today at church. Take care

  17. #89

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    This is my first day of full flow, and it's not nearly as bad as last month--haven't had to change my sweatpants even once. I'm just feeling grumpy. But I called my FS to let him know we're back for another go-'round. But it's only Saturday so I guess he'll call back day after tomorrow.

    jo76: I wish I had some profound words of comfort, but I don't. Just sending an enormous cyberhug. It's such a roller coaster we're all on, isn't it?

  18. #90

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    Hi TM - be meaning to say that I am sorry AF has reared its head again. You seem to be doing ok though. I hope next month brings some good news for you.

    Jo - I think it is very natural to go through some rough patches with DH after a loss. My dh and I have certainly had our moments but after our last huge fight (this was a few months ago) things have been so much better. I think clearing the air allows for better communication in a way - plus it is good to let off steam. It must be upsetting to realise that your DH doesn't remember the due date - but that is probably quit a male thing - being hopeless with dates. It doesn't make it any better though. I am on the countdown to my due date, but try not to think how pregnant I would be etc as that will just make it harder. Don't be too hard on yourself about what you eat. Sometimes we just need some comfort and you shouldn't feel bad about it. I hope AF stays away - will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    Snowie - welcome and I am so sorry for your 4 losses. Please know that you are welcome here - this group is for women who have had late losses or multiple mcs so we are all in the same boat. I think you are very brave to be able to keep moving forward after all you experienced last year. I hope you find comfort and support here with us.

    Well I am 9 weeks now, and still nervous. Will this sense of dread ever go away? I am trying very hard though to be positive but the scary thoughts do sneak in. I have another week and a half until my next scan. I have had the laziest weekend. I slept for about 3-4 hours yesterday and then just watched movies. I need to do housework today but have managed nothing so far! What a weekend.

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