Hi
My name is Judy and I am 43.
I have 4 living children (ages in my signature) but..
we had a baby girl stillborn at 31 weeks on April 5th 2002. Annabelle had the cord around her neck twice and her arm was caught in a loop of cord as well. It was so tight it left marks across her chest and face as her arm was over her head. I had 12 hr solid labour and then had to have a C sec as I couldn't get past 3cms.
It took us 5 mths to concieve her after my DH had had a vasectomy reversal.
I must admit I fell apart and tried to escape the pain in any way, even at one stage trying to leave my family but after a week in Melbourne I was back in Hobart.
After Annabelle and I was given the all clear to TTC again after 4 mths but had 2 chem pgs .. I just couldn't cope so that is when I went to run away and also went on the mini BCP. I kept hoping for an accident though and was on antibiotics at one stage and would forget to take the pill..
anyhow after we settled back down to a new normal life I started charting with Fertility Friend. I finally got a healthy BFP after 3 more chem pg and Samuel arrived safely at 38 wks on September 14 2004. (Induced a 38 weeks due to decreasing amniotic fluid)
PPAF returned Janaury 2005 and as we wanted a closer in age sibling we started TTC straight away. In November 2005 I finally saw 2 lines and my first beta at 13dpo was 143, but the next one was only 178. I was sent for scans to check for ectopic pg (all clear)and in the end I m/c at 6 wks.
Then nothing until 2 more chem pg in consecutive cycles in May and end of June 2006. What lovely dark BFPs and for nothing.
Then in August we got great news, not only dark lines bu a beta at 13dpo of 123 which more than doubled. At 7w3d we had a healthy heartbeat. I had morning sicknes and felt finally we are getting there. At 11w3d I started spotting but I tried to ignore it as I had severe bleeding at the same stage with my 3rd child. The next day it was heavier and I was cramping so we went to the ER and finally had a scan. Imemdiately we could see no heartbeat. I had felt slight flutters starting at just on 10 wks and at 10w6d I no longer felt anything so it was then that Joey Francis had passed away. (the cruelest comment was when I started crying and the sonographer told me she often had people in there with no children and at least I had children at home. Yes I do know but this was MY baby. You can't distinguish the love and desire of a child over other children no matter how many or how few)
I was sent home to come back in the morning and see my OB for a D&C but half an hour after getting home I stood up and passed the baby and started hemorrhaging. I could see baby quite clearly on the pad I had in place TMI. After going into shock and the bleeding not easing off my husband took me straight back to hospital and I was admitted. I ended up having to have a D&C in the end anyhow on the Monday evening and finally allowed home Tuesday. I had very low blood pressure (60/47) and had lost a lot of blood so I had been kept in
Somehow by miracle we got another BFP straight away but I was spotting all the way thru. We had a scan at what was supposed to be 6 wks but measured 5w4d but we still had a measurable heartbeat of 92.
I had to go back the following week to confirm dates and the scan then showed 7w1d and no heartbeat. I went straight to my GP who phoned my OB and we then went straight to him. He did another scan to confirm no heartbeat and I asked for a D&C that day as I did not want the labour like pain and hemorrhaging I had had with Joey.
3 hrs later I was in theatre. Once again I was kept in and had to have the bed tilted overnight (feet up head down) due to low blood pressure.
This time being confirmed m/c #3 he did testing. After all these months of telling me my m/c and chem pg were due to age and chromosone abnormalities the test came back as absolutley clear and Ethan Edward would have been a perfect baby boy. His due date is near, July 20 2007.
That was December 1 2006 and since then we have had no sign of any hope.

I am the stage of my OB saying if we get another BFP he wants to see me at just on 6 wks for a scan and he said no betas.
My thoughts.. two way on the betas - they can double beautifully and mean nothing at all. but if they don't rise at least you know right from the start that it is not good.
The early scans.. he wants to check viability and that formation is ok but why bother when Joey and Ethan both had great heartbeats and met meausrements within allowable limits of +/- a day or two.
The only solution they could come up with Ethan is that I had a subchorionic bleed which eventually caused a placental abruption and seperated the forming placenta from the uterine wall.
He did say if I had another loss he would run the whole spectrum of blood tests for clotting, immunity etc. he offered after Ethan but he said I had to NOT be pg to run the tests and after those months of BFPs in a row I was so sure I would be pg in no time. HA!!

I am really sorry for the novel if you have got this far.

so where do I fit in..
TTC over 40 and losing hope

Judy