Powelly - good to hear from you again...sorry that no IVF starting this month... but sometimes just having that break like you said can be the most re juveninating thing, for the body mind and soul. Have my fingers crossed for the next cycle..... and make sure DH is around at the vital times, no ifs no buts next time...

Kate - like Gi I am worried about you..... my counsellor says that grieving people are like sponges - they too readily absorb the grief around them, sometimes to their detriment. So.... be sure to look out for yourself and not give too much of yourself to your friend. You sound as if you have done exactly what was needed for her. I agree with Gi, the first funeral after your own angel is so very hard. I went to my best friends mum's funeral in between losing Nicholas but still being pregnant with Sophie, and it was the first since both Amelia's & Nicholas' funerals. Although sometimes the oddest things can happen. My friends mum was catholic so the service was catholic which meant incense... after a while my strong will was required not to gag or puke at the aroma of the incense which did take my mind off my own spiraling dark thoughts. And even more ironic? My friend was having the same experience... with not gagging. Strange the things you can share with your friends. Sorry that you didn't get your bfp...

Gi - I hear you so much on becoming even closer to DH than you thought, through the grief and adversity of having your precious child die and the struggle to make a life in the aftermath. I am so proud of you and your DH for being able to do that... it really says something to me about the commitment to each other and also your DD. But remember it's not just the circumstances you found yourselves in, you both have worked hard to reveal an even deeper love and respect for each other. I find that I have changed too - last night I was just a mess. I started to cry because one of the cats knocked over my glass of water ( I left it unattended, so my bad), and DH went to clean it up for me. Then I cried because I felt DH left me (to clean up the mess)... but in the old days I would have not tried to understand why I was upset and just react to the initial feeling of being excluded by DH or worse imply that DH was blaming me for something that he wasn't even remotely blaming me for. Instead I just thought about why I was so upset (and cried, of course)but then could tell DH what was going on rather than just reacting to something that (a) wasn't the real cause of my upset and (b) making DH defensive by seeming to make it about him rather than who it was really about which was me. I have to say though it was hard work as sometimes it's really hard to work out why exactly I am upset. That was last night. A whole bunch of other stuff was actually why I was upset, it was just it reached crisis point when I felt excluded/blamed. And bless him DH was so good with me when I finally worked it out and he had an inkling of what was going on for me before I did.

I am sorry you didn't get your bfp...I was really hoping... but I have enough hope for your next cycle....

Chez - so proud of you! A friend of mine was offered a donated egg recently and she turned it down. She wasn't ready for that journey yet. But she was really honoured to have been made the offer. It's not every day that you get the offer of such an amazing gift. I am hoping that you get an offer like that or that you have an easy enough time finding an egg donor. My friends SIL has children now as a result of an ED, but I am not too sure how they actually came to arranging the ED. I have to say I am completely in the dark as to how it's done.

All ok here. I have a cluster of symptoms that the Dr is now watching, and went in yesterday at my own request for a consult and have another pre scheduled consult tomorrow. So glad I live close by to the Drs rooms and hossy. Not that I selected the Dr's based on that in the first place, but it certainly has been handy, as it turns out. Will keep you updated. Am making sure I rest even more now.... just when I thought I might be able to become a bit more mobile and independent! At least I still get to enjoy lots of cat cuddles.....