Powelly - good to hear from you again...sorry that no IVF starting this month... but sometimes just having that break like you said can be the most re juveninating thing, for the body mind and soul. Have my fingers crossed for the next cycle..... and make sure DH is around at the vital times, no ifs no buts next time...
Kate - like Gi I am worried about you..... my counsellor says that grieving people are like sponges - they too readily absorb the grief around them, sometimes to their detriment. So.... be sure to look out for yourself and not give too much of yourself to your friend. You sound as if you have done exactly what was needed for her. I agree with Gi, the first funeral after your own angel is so very hard. I went to my best friends mum's funeral in between losing Nicholas but still being pregnant with Sophie, and it was the first since both Amelia's & Nicholas' funerals. Although sometimes the oddest things can happen. My friends mum was catholic so the service was catholic which meant incense... after a while my strong will was required not to gag or puke at the aroma of the incense which did take my mind off my own spiraling dark thoughts. And even more ironic? My friend was having the same experience... with not gagging. Strange the things you can share with your friends. Sorry that you didn't get your bfp...
Gi - I hear you so much on becoming even closer to DH than you thought, through the grief and adversity of having your precious child die and the struggle to make a life in the aftermath. I am so proud of you and your DH for being able to do that... it really says something to me about the commitment to each other and also your DD. But remember it's not just the circumstances you found yourselves in, you both have worked hard to reveal an even deeper love and respect for each other. I find that I have changed too - last night I was just a mess. I started to cry because one of the cats knocked over my glass of water ( I left it unattended, so my bad), and DH went to clean it up for me. Then I cried because I felt DH left me (to clean up the mess)... but in the old days I would have not tried to understand why I was upset and just react to the initial feeling of being excluded by DH or worse imply that DH was blaming me for something that he wasn't even remotely blaming me for. Instead I just thought about why I was so upset (and cried, of course)but then could tell DH what was going on rather than just reacting to something that (a) wasn't the real cause of my upset and (b) making DH defensive by seeming to make it about him rather than who it was really about which was me. I have to say though it was hard work as sometimes it's really hard to work out why exactly I am upset. That was last night. A whole bunch of other stuff was actually why I was upset, it was just it reached crisis point when I felt excluded/blamed. And bless him DH was so good with me when I finally worked it out and he had an inkling of what was going on for me before I did.
I am sorry you didn't get your bfp...I was really hoping... but I have enough hope for your next cycle....
Chez - so proud of you! A friend of mine was offered a donated egg recently and she turned it down. She wasn't ready for that journey yet. But she was really honoured to have been made the offer. It's not every day that you get the offer of such an amazing gift. I am hoping that you get an offer like that or that you have an easy enough time finding an egg donor. My friends SIL has children now as a result of an ED, but I am not too sure how they actually came to arranging the ED. I have to say I am completely in the dark as to how it's done.
All ok here. I have a cluster of symptoms that the Dr is now watching, and went in yesterday at my own request for a consult and have another pre scheduled consult tomorrow. So glad I live close by to the Drs rooms and hossy. Not that I selected the Dr's based on that in the first place, but it certainly has been handy, as it turns out. Will keep you updated. Am making sure I rest even more now.... just when I thought I might be able to become a bit more mobile and independent! At least I still get to enjoy lots of cat cuddles.....
Dory- How did your Dr's appointments go? Is everything OK? I know if I ever get pg again they are going to induce the baby at 38 weeks......
Don't worry about wanting to be mobile. You'll have plenty of time for that marching about the house rocking your baby back to sleep at 2am.......no need to worry about enjoying some "still" time now.
Chez- I am gald about your decision. Brave but good decision. My DH doesn't want that as an option.....shame.
Powelly- we might be doing IVF in the same month! We have decided to wait until next month as hubby will be away around the "crucial" time this month. Maybe we'll manage IVF "twins" together?
AFM-no IVF this cycle as mentioned. went away to a horse thingy (NSW state squad training as a groom) and expected AF to arrive whileI was away. I haven't ever been late before but since I had Ellen my cycle seems to have gone from 28 days to 30........this month 33! What the??? I thought for about 24 ours that I might have been pg and the BFN I got had been wrong.....no such luck! Well one more natural try this month then onto IVF.
Dear and lovely friends,
How are you all. I have to say I am a bit lost today so I will do my best with personals. I will have to catch up later if i miss anyone.
Kate, How are you doing hun? Dory is so right about the 'sponges' analogy. I think i got used to handling so much i tried to do it all. I ended up a bit bitter and angry when i needed the space for me and no one would give it. Funny how we are all different but there is some much in each persons story and experience that speaks to us all. I hope you are doing well today sweety...and if you are not, good on you. Just feel everything that comes to the surface, don't be scared. I think it is important to give ourselves permission and ackowlegde when we are sad. But hell if you are feel good then that is great too. I have gotten to a stage where, everything is how it should be...I TRY not to question it. Exist in the now, love and be loved. Boy, you poor thing...you probably didn't ask for all this advice and opinion. Sorry hun...been thinking of you.
Chez, How are you going? I agree with Kate, brave but good hun. I think is a a wonderful choice as i have said before. I hope all is underway for this next step and it is moving smoothly.
Dory, Yes it is so true...you will not be still for long my love. You are not far from having to run your little toosh off after your earthside bubba. So rest love and enjoy it as best you can. Now is a time to get some projects underway...learn to knit....paint a couple of paintings....catch up on dvds....sew something. Pick a hobby hun...any one and be a master at it. You are doing a great job. I have to say if i was TOLD to stay put, i would really struggle!!!
Powelly, i think you asked me where i was at re cycle...forgive me if it was not you. Maybe it was Suz...I am on a differenet page now and i can't remember. I will update below but no, I am not pregas...as much as it gutted us this month, I have been so so busy with projects and distractions, we are doing ok.
ChrisW, Hope you are recovering nicely hun. How are you going and did the op go well...Sorry if i missed your update. Been thinking of you.xx
Beata, Hope, SusieQ, Miss Tess, Samcougar other lovely ladies that pop in. Hope you are all doing well. Oh and Cmegles...has anyone heard how she is doing? Crumpet, Teni- if you still drop in...hi. i know i am missing someone.xxxx
AFM- Well we are CD7 now and in light of last months early OV...I will start testing today/tonight. I have had to take a couple of days off my exercise adventure through AF but i was also renovating through most of it. My body is quite sore so it seems i got some work out in there.
We almost instantly...even a couple of days before, started jsutifying and comforting ourselves as to why we didn't think and then later, knew we weren't pregnant. I am still working with chemicals renovating, the unit isn't finished, My weight and fitness needs a little more time to come under wraps...etc etc. That helped us get through it.
It also helped a bit, i guess, that we have had lots of action and new things going on in the house. This week we have had an aircon installed, i finished renovating a big old cupboard, our oven has been installed and built in, all the lighting has been done. We have not had an oven since Sept last year...so yep it has been an exciting week and full of lovely distractions.
Dh has been studying his little butt off which is great as i don;t have to nag him. He has his exams this week coming.
The garden is also coming along, a few things planted this morning. My SIL birthday is this week and I have sorted her gift. I looked after my nephew on fri and he slept 3 1/2 hours!!! Little star. I am having the girls in the family around for morning tea/lunch on thurs for SIL bday.
Ahhhhh...big sigh of relief to get it all down. It has been a crazy busy week....and there is plenty more on the quotes/emails and phone call front, couple of trips to bunnings, a movie with my nephew ...Tinker Bell...a MUST SEE! It was so lovely. I feel like i have not stopped. It certainly feels good to have my health doing well. Boy i need it.
So now, MY part of the month starts. Well I would normally say that a few days ago now...as AF is a time of rest for me. It just didn;t paly out that way this time. I will have to get some rest in the next couple of days instead. So now some counting down of days...waiting and a few moments to collect myself. My energy will have to be shared a little between renovating and nurturing the potential of life!
Love to you all and hope you are all (except Dory) keeping yourselves busy too. Little projects, slow one, or big gigantor ones...thinking of you all.xoxo
It seems as though my journey is taking a different path than the one I expected. Last Thurs I got my diagnosis of Asherman's. Even though I suspected it, actually having it confirmed made me feel physically ill. The specialist couldn't tell me how bad it was until I have a hysterscopy done which is planned for the beginning of Sept. So the wait is killing me.
My problem is that my mind races three steps ahead and I am already imagining being infertile and my DS being an only child. I think this has been made worse by the consultant mentioning IVF Surrogacy. I think he was just trying to lay out the options but of course this is all I can think about.
There are many positive outcomes to Asherman's though so I can only hope I am one of them.
So the plan is surgery and then a month or more of estrogen therapy to rebuild my lining (if possible, it was measly 4mm at cd12) and potentially more follow up surgery (2 or 3 surgeries in all is what he mentioned).
So my lovely ladies, this will be my last post in the TTC thread. Good luck to you all on your TTC journey's, I really do hope that you all find the happy ending you are searching for.
Thank you all too, for your kind words and for the support that you have provided me in an incredibly dark time of my life.
Wait wait wait Suzie....Don't go so fast.
My god hun, this is horrible news. I am so sorry you are faced with this.
Can we go back over your history...if it is not too hard for you to do so. I am so sorry my memory of your details are foggy. When you lost the twins, and when your daughter was born- Can I ask why she was premi?- Did you get to find out? I can remember that you had to have her placenta removed manually, and then i think 2 more D&Cs for further bleeding and issues. Is this correct hun? Have you had any other D&Cs before the twins? Was your pregnancy with your little boy...by the way- HAPPY BIRTHDAY to him for this weekend, was your pregnancy with him text book?
I guess what i want to know is, how has so much scarring come about for you and is it hopefully they can remove it without making more? Were the D&Cs done blindly or by ultrasound?
I am so sorry for so many questions but I am heartbroken for you and I don't think you should leave here when it can be such a place of support when you need it most. I want to understand what you are goin through as much as anyone can and be there for you. When do you come back to Aus? Are you in London? How long have you been over there?
Again...too many questions I am sure.
You have taken me back to 18months ago when I was getting ready to leave London and my baby girls life was hanging in there. I remember needing to talk it over, over and over again to find myself. I was at home there and my pregnancy was handled well there, when things went wrong they were lovely, but I am happy that DD was born here how we wanted. I think what i am trying to say is that...make sure whatever procedures you go into, you are 100% happy with your care, you have had the time you need to process it all and you have choices and support.
God listen to me...you have probably been there for years and everything is perfectly fine. If so PLEASE ignore me. I don't know what has come over me. I have this need to just spit it all out in case it is what you need to hear. PLease please ignore this if it is too much and crossing a line.
Anyway i will let you be in peace. Love and thoughts are with you.
Hm xoxo
Susie Q - oh sweetie.... I am so sorry that you got news that devastated you so much..... big hug my sweet. Give yourself time to adjust to the new blimp as you're still in shck and it's raw now. And then do as you do, research the topic, ask questions and give yourself time to process everything. Please don't feel that you have to leave here. This particular thread is my spiritual home on BB, mostly because of the amazing women who honour me by sharing their journey's. At this time in your life, I would be so sad that you didn't have what little support we can provide. But if you feel you have to move on, I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart for all of the support and friendship you have so generously offered to me in my bleakest and darkest hours and also the odd wit and sense of humour you have offered on those "good" days. You will never be far from my heart or my prayers. Go gently my friend.
And thanks for your support. Dr's app went ok. Not pre-eclampsia yet, but have all the little tell tale symptoms, just not serious enough yet, so traces of protein in my urine, oedema, visual disturbances, headahces, grumpy ( not like me at all) and slightly higher BP but not enough to be a "real concern, but enough to get some advice to take it easy and watch the symptoms. LOL about getting enough mobility in due course.
Gi - I wanted to write yesterday and tell you I was so sad to hear you were having a rough day. I was too. The demons I was fighting were pretty overwhelming, but then I managed to find a way through, which is good for me. I hope today has been a better day for you. Hugs my friend.
Oh dear, I just read over my post again to Suzie and I fear i was a bit overboard and sad. I think i just let my head race ahead three steps too. Sorry hun. I know you will handled this far better than I. Dory...calms me down like no mans business. It is lovely to have a friend whose words say....SLoooww down chicka. One step at a time and all will be fine. Adjust, regroup, be kind and be strong.
Dory, glad you are feeling bit better today hun. Those symptoms seem a bit sucky. I am sure you are handling it like a goddess! and not a Diva!
Stay put sweet cheeks....you are cooking a bubba!
Love to all. xoxo
CD10 for me today and I am a bit pensive today. Going through a few boxes of books and things to put in our cupboard. Old things in old boxes gets me pensive.
xoxoxo
Dory, your comments are always so on the mark. I was completely in shock. In my last post I probably wrote down about 0.1% of what was actually going through my brain.
Gigi thank you for your concern sweetie. Ah, where to start with answering your questions. My daughter was born premature due to complexities surrounding the twin. Well this is what they think happened. We found out at the 12 week scan that there was a second sac/foetus which probably stopped developing around the 6/7 week mark. They said the body usually absorbs this and I may get some bleeding. I did get some bleeding at the 13 week mark and then it stopped unfortunately it started again at 17 weeks and never stopped. Bubs was doing well though and I was told that some people just bleed through preg. We had numerous scans and nobody could tell us why I was bleeding other than the twin reabsorbtion. Anyway, I went into pre-term labour due to an infection. They can't tell me what sort of infection it was other than they could find no 'bad' bacteria. The consultant's explantion was that sometimes with the bleeding, the good bacteria have a nice warm environ in which to grow and multiply and they overwhelm the system. It is the only explanation I have but at least it is an explanation and something which they believe will not happen again. I had a manual extraction of placenta and then 2 further ERPC's for retained products 4 months later. Probably the last one caused the damage as the consultant did tell me he had to get a bit agressive in order to remove the last of the RP's which were firmly attached to the wall. He was the one that mentioned Asherman's to me. The stats say that 40% of Asherman's cases develop from D&C's 2-4 weeks after delivery. Wish I was in the other 60%!
No other D&C's. Had an emerg c-section for DS as he was undiagnosed footling breech. Anyway, that is another story. But my periods returned after bfeeding fine so I suspect that didn't cause any problems. I think any scarring would have shown up on the u/s with my daughter when my uterus got bigger.
Anyway, I am in the best of hands here. I am seeing what is called an A-lister (the asherman's group rate surgeons) here in London (DH and I have been here since 2001 - how time flies!). I am going privately so I can get immediate treatment though luckily my DH has private insurance through work. There is only one A-lister in Oz and he is in Sydney so a long expensive way from Perth so I am hoping I can be treated successfully here. The other good thing about my A-lister is that he worked in Perth for a year so knows people who could perhaps assist in my recovery. Don't know, will have to see what happens, hopefully if I need two or more surgeries I can get them all done here before Xmas. Otherwise we may have to rethink our timing on coming home. So everything in my life is completely up in the air at the moment. At DH's insistence, I am trying not to stress out too much as I just have to wait until surgery. There is a fantastic international and UK asherman's community which are an incredible support. I have learned so much just in the last few days from reading others experiences. I can only hope I can provide an inspirational story for others. Fingers crossed.
I hope that answers everything Gigi. I definitely feel calmer after my extensive research. It is just out of my hands now and I have to hope this surgeon is as good as everyone says he is.
At the moment I am on a different path and as you can imagine talking/reading about TTC would be a bit much for me. Oh how I wish for a TWW now!! But I will pop in from time to time to make sure you are all doing OK. I will definitely be stalking Dory for her birth announcement. I will let you know how I get on though....maybe a few days later though after I have processed it and am no longer in shock!!!!
Good luck all....and I wish with all my heart that if or when I do return that none of you are here and you are all in the preg thread. Lots of babydust.
Hello Im Linda i havent been on for a while.I was taking a break from clomid.Now im seeing a new doctor.He seems to know what hes doing. Last saturday i had to get a trigger shot and im also taking clomid too.The doctor found 1 big folical the egg!! So i was just wondering if anyone had concived while on clomid and and had a trigger shot.We have been trying to concive since last oct when i had my misscarriage. Its been a long journey.Im in the 2 week waiting period.Crossing my fingers.Baby dust all over for everyone!! bye
Linda - welcome, but it's sad that to be here you've lost a precious little one. Congrats on the follie - as my FS said once, "go home now and ravage your husband". Hope you caught that eggie. I can't help with similar experiences with clomid or trigger shots. Hope you get to keep the crazy lady at bay during your tww and your bfp is coming up.
Suz - you know what? Your post felt so much calmer, I will miss you but understand that you're on a different path right now. Go well my friend.
I have been stalking for a while now but have not been ready to pop my head in til now.
I had my 4th miscarriage (in 13 years) in June. I was meant to be 11.5 weeks but baby had passed away at 9 weeks. Two of my miscarriages were at about 5 weeks and the other one was another missed m/c at 9 weeks (baby had passed at 6 weeks).
I also have had two beautiful babies in between all of these losses so i know (and am so grateful!) that my body CAN do it. I have had some testing to see if i have some other problem but so far everything has come back normal.
We are TTC again. My DH is just about to start working away so it may prove difficult to get the timing right but we will see how we go. I was a bit worried about Asherman's as well Suzie, as after my last D&C they said i had a small fibroid on my uterus and they could also see some "white spots" which they couldn't explain and didn't go into further.. i don't think they were very experienced sonographers so, after doing some reading, i think i should probably get that looked at again.
I am so sorry to read of all of your losses and really hope that in time you all have beautiful, healthy bubbas in your arms. Life is so cruel sometimes but it also can be so rewarding.
Goodluck to you all and i look forward to getting to know you.
Stoked - Welcome. Hope your stay on the TTC rollercoaster this time around is brief and you get your bfp and get to hold your new bubba in your arms soon.. and I am sorry for the loss of your babies.
Oh Suz, That is much calmer...and i feel calmer for you too. Thank goodness you feel supported. I think i got a bit mad for you. I was angry that you are going through this after everything. I think you know exactly what you need. You are so right...i forgot about that side of things...the experts available. And wow a connection to Perth too. That is synchronicity at it's best. I am sure you are in brilliant hand and I can't wait to go on the journey with you at another time. I too foudn it hard to be in here at some points when everyone was falling pregnant so easily. So I totally understand hun. I wish you the very best and hope you have beautifully healing surgeries. I hope you get to go through another pregnancy. Good LUck sweety.
Boy I miss the UK and so glad you are in London. Oh and ...mega cool re the private cover...we didn't have that however in emergency situations...you tend to get the best- as all the drs have to do time with NHS if i remember rightly.
Good luck sweety and catch you soon in anther time and place...xoxoxo again apologies for my little freak out!
Stoked- Welcome hun and so sorry to find you here. Sorry you had to say goodbye to your bubbas too soon. I see you had a homebirth- I am envious. How lucky you are. I hope you are not here for long hun. Welcome and good luck. Hope you also find some answers re the ashermans and white spots. That sounds s bit different hey?
Linda- Sorry you have had such a hard time and such heartache. I can't help you with any advice for those sorts of things. My experiences have been different. But I wish you much luck and may you have the baby you deserve hun.
Dory- love, hope you are feeling well today and BP is behaving itself. xoxo
AFM- CD 11 EWCM present and all action stations in this house. Fingers cross full moon has some special magic for us this month. xoxoxo
Gi - baby dancing in the light f the full moon.... superb. Loving day 11 and the EWCM.... all the best and thinking of you both. Now don't be on here too much when you have something much more important to be doing.....hehe
Gigi, my homebirth was the most amazing experience of my life! I would love for every woman to be able to experience it! However, due to a big bleed and retained products after having my bub, and also retained products AFTER my d&c after the m/c, i may not be able to have another homebirth, but i have my fingers crossed that i will be accepted into the program again and that eveything will go well. I couldn't imagine having a baby in the hospital again.. seems a bit strange now! Goodluck with the BDing! With the full moon tonight might just be the night! Fingers crossed..
I have to say to you and Dory, you are both lovely ladies, you always know the right words to say xx
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