There was a delay in the approval of my posting so it seems it got lost in the previous page (it was only approved today) so I thought I would re-post:
Hi All,
I've been in and out of this forum for the past six weeks now - drawing comfort from your friendship and support of eachother.
I hope you don't mind if I join in - I'm feeling despondent today and I really could do with some positive vibes.
Basically it's been six weeks since we went for our 19 week scan only to discover that our baby had died at 17 weeks. I'm sure you can all understand what a torrential rollercoaster this has been.
As you can see from my story (which I wrote a week or so after this happened) - I was impatient right from the time this happened to try again.
To be honest, I thought I would be pregnant by now (I was all for ttc immediately even though I knew physically it was better for me to wait) but I didn't reckon on things being so up and down (both physically and emotionally).
I started tracking my bbt straight away and worked out I o'd two weeks ago. But then about 9 days later I started getting some pain and spotting. I went for a scan yesterday and everything looks OK and my hcg is going down slowly (it's around 40-ish). It was all a little confusing - I wish I could have a way to see what is happening inside my body!!
My ob is keeping an eye on me and I've got our follow-up appointment next Wed where we'll get the post-mortem results etc - although I'm not expecting too much from that!
I am now waiting for af and I guess I am just so frustrated and impatient. I have always been such a positive person but this has really taken a kick to my self-confidence and I find myself doubting myself.
Pregnant women and babies seem to have multiplied by a million since this happened and it definitely does not make it easier that my sister, sister-in-law and one of my best friends are pregnant too (the latter two are due on the same day I was - I know, I know - really hard!!!).
I guess this is all a waiting game and patience has never been my strong point. On the positive side (see, I'm trying) it's not a bad life lesson to have to wait for something you really want. And also, at least when we ttc again, my body will be more healthy and ready.
Hope you all have a good day
Lemonade
UPDATE - so since I posted my AF has arrived -I felt sooo much better getting AF. I was really really down the day before - so teary and emotional and felt so much stronger when I realised my body seemed to be going back to normal.
My BBT is also down this morning. The only confusing part of the puzzle is that my HCG levels are being stubborn. The test this morning was still 55 (and hadn't moved since a few days ago)
I spoke to the obs and she wasn't at all concerned. I am seeing her on Wednesday for our post-mc consultaion.
Have a great looong weekend - I definitely need it!
Lemonade - welcome! I have to dash off and can't reply in full just now but wanted to let you know, you are welcome here, I look forward to getting to know you, hoping your stay is short, and of course, so so sad for the loss and pain that brings you here in the first place.
Lemonade, I am so sorry for your loss. It will take some time to recover emotionally so try and rush it. Physically.. could you have some retained tissue? That would cause the hcg to not go down. So sad you had to join our group but you are very welcome. (((hugs)))
Friday evening, long week, tired crabby DH and even tireder and crabbier DS5 and 1. Bath and bed for all.
Hi girls, selfish post sorry.
I am back and not going so well today. I am exhausted and DH has gone back to work after wed/thurs weekend of heartache. I am really tired, teary and sad. Feel lonely and angry. God how do we feel so much at once. I will be back later to reply to others and fill you in on what we did for DD's anniversary. I hate that it has come and gone.
Love and thanks to all for your warm wishes. xoxo
Gigi - huge hugs to you, I'm not really sure what else to say, so I'll just say that I have been thinking of you and I hope you start to feel a bit stronger over the next few days.
angelic - glad to hear a new cycle has kicked off. hope the OPK's are useful for you.
Lemondade - I'm really glad to see you on this thread, I was wondering how things were going for you. I know what you mean about AF, for me it felt like the first step to recovering a bit. I hope the hcg levels aren't anything problematic, keep us posted.
dory - i'm glad you are feeling a bit more positive today. I hope you have a peaceful and stress free weekend.
crumpet - how did the interview go?? I'm sure you impressed them. The metallic mouth sounds promising!!! I'm crossing everything!!
Tenibear - I hope your balloon release was helpful and meaningful for you and Scott.
blessed - I'm so sorry about the separation. I hope you guys can work something out without too much more heartache
AFM - I am failing miserably at not obscessing about AF coming. I can't stop thinking about it! I would so desperately love to not see her for another 9 months, sigh, will just have to be patient and remind myself that it is likely way too soon for a BFP.
Hello everyone - still lurking here. I just lost a massive post and cannot retype as heading out. Just wanted to let Tenibear know I am thinking of you today sweetie. I am glad that you and Scott can spend some time with Ianto today.
Will have to repost on the weekend! Thinking of you all though.
Lemonade - welcome to this thread. I am sad to hear of your loss and understand your frustration with your physical recovery. I had RPOC so had to have a D&C about 4 weeks after the birth of our son - I don't recall the HCG level exactly (I think about 46 or so) but it was enough along with a scan to get my GP to refer me to an ob for the D&C. She was particularly worried about the risk of infection with RPOC. I hope your ob can work out what is happening for you at your next appointment.
Blessed - so sorry to hear about your separation. I wish you happiness for the future, whatever happens with your DH. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are.
Gigi1 - :hugs: hun I have been thinking about you all week. I hope you're doing ok.
Dory - sometimes I find the sadness in here a little hard to deal with as well which is why I only visit weekly at times. Often I am feeling good and then I just read something that resonates with me and I am in tears (like today). I hope you are looking after yourself and your precious bundle.
Crumpet - I haven't had the metallic taste (not associated with a BFP anyway). Sending lots of babydust your way!
CharlieB - still AF for me and trying not to over analyse symptoms. I have been tired most of the week. Have had the occasional twinge in the ovary region but so far no AF - here's hoping she stays away for the next 8 months for both of us!
TeniB - I hope the ballon release went well. Glad that Scott was able to change shifts as well. Thinking of you hun
Angelic - hi. I was wondering how you were going. Glad that AF has arrived but not sure about the painful part. I hope you have a relaxing weekend - it sounds like you need it!
Hi to SusieQ, samcougar, aries, cmgelles and everyone else!
AFM, looking forward to a relaxing weekend. It is cold and rainy here so a perfect couch potato day which is what DH and I both need. I am not feeling confident about this cycle. No particular reason - that's just how I am feeling. I am supposed to have CD1 b/ts on Monday which is when I am due but all of the clinics are closed in the ACT because of the public holiday. My GP was quite specific that she wanted AM CD1 tests not CD2 so I am not sure what I will do if AF arrives Sunday night or early Monday morning. Do I not do it and wait another cycle? It's just that my FS appointment is in 3 weeks and I wanted some test results to take to her. Oh well, it is what it is I guess.
Gigi big hugs hun. It does get easier as years go past but you never forget.
Chez it depends what you count as cd1. Sometimes cd1 can just be heavy spotting so is it cd 1 or spotting.... and others say if it starts after 6pm then count the next day as day 1.( I know a couple of women who do that for religious reasons, if AF starts after sundown then it is the next day)
I know I can spot for days before AF really starts so to me it is the day I have to wear a pad and not a panty liner.
I know what you mean about AF, for me it felt like the first step to recovering a bit. I hope the hcg levels aren't anything problematic, keep us posted.
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