...That is, if I get DH back on side. He said on Saturday that maybe we should wait til after his birthday (July) to start trying again. He's worried primarily about the money side of things. Fair enough, I suppose, but what does he think we'll be spending money on when we have a bub? We'll be using cloth, so there's not much $ going on nappies. We won't be going out much, so there's $ saved. I'll (hopefully) be breastfeeding, so no money going on formula... He doesn't seem to understand. He's started a thread of his own, some of you may have read it. He doesn't want it to feel like we're replacing Ianto. I don't want it to feel like we're never having any more kids just because we lost our first.
He said that if I told him then and there that I was pregnant, he'd be ecstatic, so I think the problem for him is that while I want to actively try, he just wants to let nature run its course and let it happen when it happens. Kinda hard to let it happen if we don't DTD, isn't it?
Sorry about the usual lack of personals, one day I'll do it
Teni - it's so hard. It seems your Scotty Duck needs to work his way through those feelings. You can never "replace" Ianto. Never. You know that, but Scotty Duck needs to work that out for himself. I am not sure how he could do that. I know I struggled after Amelia when we were trying again with a similar concept. My worry was whether I would love the new baby less than Amelia. But what I thought was, people who have a living child already, might feel like that too,when the contemplate a second child, and they manage, and they love each of their children for their unique gifts and talents.
About money - I don't think there is ever a "perfect time" for a baby in terms of money. I think it can be a red herring to worry about and distract you. Not saying that genuinely thinking about money and how you as a family will manage is a bad thing, I just think its easy to make it a bigger worry than it either is or needs to be. To me, it says that Scotty Duck is really scared of being hurt again.
And then also I thought about my furbabies, when thinking about the "replacement concept'. My DH and I got two cats, who we adored, one who died, and we got 2 more. Not to replace our angel furbaby, no way. But we were ready for more? There is no way that our Kaspar cat could be replaced. But what did happen, was the new little fur babies, worked their magic and showed us that their personalities, different from Kaspar, but are still loveable and unique and I would be totally lost without them today.
I say, there is ALWAYS, plenty more room for love. So that's how I reconciled my fear f not being able to love another baby as much as Amelia.
Teni, Dory, I just wanted to put in my two bobs worth which may or may not help as each of s have a different journey.
I have felt a lot fo what Dory has mentioned but it have also occurred to me lately that i needed time to spend in my first daughter before I have to share my energy with another baby. At first it was a fear of replacement, then a fear for being hurt again...which still exists. But the very big thing for me that underlied it all was the the desire to spend time with her and only her. If she would have survived I would have spent the time with her until have another. I have found that really important for me.. I feel I don't have the space in my head or my life for another child yet and I believe that is changing atm and the reason we have not fallen pregnant yet.
I have foudn this really helped me.
Hi to all - just been catching up on what's been happening on here over the last week!
Cmegelles - Congratulations!!!! So pleased to hear you have your BFP! Obviously the holiday worked for you which is just awesome. Will probably stalk you on the pregnancy forum!! Have a H&H 9 months!!!
Aries - good luck with the IUI. Hope you get your BFP next cycle - let us know how you go!
Toomanyshoes - welcome to this thread. It must be so difficult not having answers. I hope you pursue seeing an FS to see if they can help. I hope your stay is short.
Crumpet/CharlieB - glad to hear that things are ticking along nicely for you both.
cTenibear - I love the fact you have added the c to your name!! Hope it brings you lots of babydust.
Angelic/Chez67 - thanks for the info on TTC after D&C. Did a bit more research on it and it seems there is such a difference of opinion around but to hell with it - I am going to start TTC right away.
Hello to Lemonade, Samcougar and Gigi.
Ended up having D&C this last Friday. Gyno put me on Provera to start my AF to see if he could flush it out when it seemed they thought RP was floating. After D&C on Friday Gyno said it wasn't floating at all but was quite firmly attached. Said it was an odd case as my HcG was less than 1 but still had RP. Anyway, he doesn't seemed too fussed about TTCing again this cycle. In fact he mentioned putting me on Clomid in a couple of weeks to kick things along! A bit worried about that as I have already been preg with twins naturally and it didn't end well....Hmmmm will have to think about that. He didn't seemed concerned. Said it increased chances of twins from 1 in 80 to 1 in 40. Still don't know how I would feel if I was preg with twins again. I imagine my anxiety would be sky high. Higher than with a singleton anyway. That might sound weird to some but makes sense to me given my personal history!
Anyway, have decided that we will defo TTC this cycle (though not sure when to take cd1 from day of period from Provera or day of D&C?). Never gotten prego first time trying anyway! Will have to do some serious charting/temping/OPKing to know when I am ovulating. Anyway, glad D&C is over as I feel a step closer to getting that BFP!! So excited that I am no longer an unoffical lurker but an active TTCer!!!
SusieQ - so glad that you are on the TCC train now! Sorry that you had to have a D&C but it seems from what you have written it was needed. Hope your pondering about clomid brings you to a resolution, I can understand your fears. Can't wait to read about your temp, CM, and OPK'ing.
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He doesn't seem to understand. He's started a thread of his own, some of you may have read it. He doesn't want it to feel like we're replacing Ianto. I don't want it to feel like we're never having any more kids just because we lost our first.
So pleased to hear you have your BFP! Obviously the holiday worked for you which is just awesome. Will probably stalk you on the pregnancy forum!! Have a H&H 9 months!!!
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