TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

[angelicdragon]

Dory, I hope the cry did some good and don't feel bad for crying. pg hormones can grab you so many ways.
Thanks for asking, the thrush has gone so luckily only a minor dose this time. I have had diflucan before but it seems to take ages to see any benefit from it. This time I just had nilstat and drank yakult when I remember.

Cheryl, the medical seems to point to one glass of red wine of an evening being healthy and beneficial. But no more than one as it will then out do the goodness. Shame then that DH and I don't drink red wine. I went off all alcohol about 2 yrs ago, just can't drink it anymore so I have fruit juice or cordial. I hope you get by ok the nights DH is away. I know I miss having DH there if he goes away.

Crumpet.. sorry to hear about the BFN

AFM just briefly coz I have sick kids calling me.. I am down and depressed even with the zoloft and just have this inner gut feeling that we have just said goodbye to our last chance of another baby. Our neighbours have just had their 9th baby!! and I get the feeling we won't even see another 2 lines. A friend the same age as me is happily throwing up after getting her bfp 2 wks after me... I just can't help feeling down and bitter and just. urgh!!
Sorry for the downer but I can't post how I feel anywhere else
Jude

[CharlieB]

Hi everyone!

Hope you all had a good weekend

Well my big news is that AF has finally showed her face, just in time to fly east with me on Wednesday! Quite mixed feelings strangely enough - I am really happy to be back on track cycle wise, but it's also been another reminder that I should still be pregnant.
So we will definately be TTC this month, back to square one!

Other than that we are busy getting packed up and getting our business ready to leave for 10 days. Typical last minute panic!
It's my birthday over the easter weekend and I am really dreading it - I am quite freaked out about turning another year older, why can't time stand still until we can have a healthy bub!!!

Crumpet - sorry for the BFN Has AF arrived yet? I guess there is still hope if she hasn't shown up yet. for next month otherwise, we can be TTC buds!

Dory - I'm so glad that the procedure went well. I really agree with you when it comes to the fur babies, I was just telling DH that I don't know how I would have gotten through the last couple of months without them. They seem to have sixth sense when it comes to giving me that extra bit of support!

angelicdragon - I'm sorry your having a bad time. I really hope there is another BFP in the future for you.

blessed - well done on the move, and the exams, sounds like you well and truly earnt the bubbly!! your blog had me in tears, you have created a beautiful space for angels in your new home

Hi Gigi - glad you're enjoying the new camera! I hope your settling back into home and catching up on some sleep!

Chez - all the best with the study - I hope you manage to have some realxing time over easter as well though. And I was happy to read that you and DH have found some middle ground with the alcohol.

Anyway I should get back to work, big hello to anyone I missed.

take care
xxx

[dory]

Angelic - hugs, BIG HUGS. I am sorry you are doing it tough. Come here for a big snuggle.

Charli B - such a positive post.

Can I ask a question? I have been feeling a little hurt by a friend the past few days, and I am not sure why. I think maybe I feel like I am being ignored and then offered platitudes. My friend is on her own really difficult journey and maybe its selfish of me to want her to be here for me now, when she is doing it tough now too. Maybe I am just reading too much into things? It scares me a little that I am feeling like this. Try as I might, I can't seem to brush these feelings aside with my usual "logic". When I write it down it seems really petty and I feel embarrassed now. True friendship is not a calculation, but rather giving when necessary. Maybe I should just toughen up. Any tips or suggestions is the question, anyway, for how to deal with these feelings. Anyway, thanks in advance.

[Chez67]

Hi everyone

Gigi1 - you sound very refreshed and upbeat since your trip to the beach. What a wonderful distraction a hobby such as photography can be, even if you are taking photos of pg tummies! Still, I can hear your old confidence returning and that is good news. I hope you enjoy playing with photoshop. I am a raw beginner using it but have managed to get some success.

Crumpet - sorry for your BFN this month hun. I love your enthusiasm for next month - good luck!

Blessedatlast - whew! you sound like you have been very busy. I hope your exam results are good and you don't have to resit any, but at least you have that opportunity if you do - always nice to have a backup! And moving house as well. You sound like you are happy in your new house with how things are turning out. I am pleased for you and hope that this is the sign of new beginnings and good things just around the corner.

Dory - I hope you are getting stronger each day and have rested up. You are such a strong lady and deserve only good things with this pg. Re your friend - I had a similar situation last year and I found that it was easier to give her the space she needed to deal with her problems as I wasn't in a state to really be helping her. We haven't really reconnected to what we were before losing Ryan, but to be honest I don't really feel like I am missing anything in my life because of it. We still keep in touch but aren't as close as we were. I am not sure if that will be the outcome for you and your friend, but it is a possibility with any friendship as time goes on I guess. Ok I am rambling now... but I guess what I am trying to say is I hope you manage to work out something that fits with you and what you need at the moment but try not to be too disappointed if they are unable to do it.

Angelicdragon - I am sorry that you are feeling so down at the moment. I understand completely where you are coming from but that doesn't make it any easier I know. I wish there was some way that I could grant you your wish of another baby, and then I would send it to everyone here as well. I can only say that some days are harder than others and some days I find that I have to remember to reflect on the good in my life and be content with that otherwise I fear I will wake up and realise that I spent so much time focusing on TTC that I forgot to enjoy my life. It's hard, especially after loss and seeing others around us go on blissfully happy and unaware of the sadness inside us. I hope your days and weeks become easier

CharlieB - sorry that AF has arrived - talk about cr@ppy timing! I hope enjoy your holiday - Tasmania and Melbourne - two of my favourite Aus places. And happy birthday for this weekend. I hope you get to do something special!

AFM - another busy and stressful week. DH is only doing day trips this week but still he's home quite late so not quite the same as having him here for dinner etc. I am hoping to get some of my study done on Thursday at work as my boss has given me permission to do that. I also have a GP appointment on Thursday - that pap smear that I had to cancel and maybe some b/ts and referrals and stuff for another IVF cycle in a couple of months. It will be interesting to see what she has to say about that. DH is going to try to come to the appointment with me if he can get away from work. Other than that, I am trying very hard to take things easy as I can feel my stress levels building again and I know how bad that is for TTC. Oh and DH and I seem to be on the same page at last with the alcohol intake. He has dramatically cut back his drinking this week - I only hope he can continue with it!

Time for a shower before dinner - a frozen WW meal! Yum!

Take care all
oxo

[dory]

Chez - thankyou, such words of wisdom, and compassion. I agree space is the key. I think it was probably me being antsy, and being reactive to her style. I am not sure what the future holds, but at least I am not so angry or hurt. My mum told me the other day she thought I was brave. I wondered if it was just stubborn, but she didn't agree, although she said I can be stubborn. I don't see that what I have done is anything special, but its nice to receive the praise, does my ego good. All women who struggle with infertility and loss find an inner strength and I think are amazing, and you're one of those women.

Good luck with your appointment - got to look forward to those pap smears. Good news that Dh has been a good boy this week. Even if he's not this angelic every week, if he can do it more often than not, that is a good thing.

My DH is away tonight, hence I am in here, staving off potential lonliness. It's good for me to be alone and to know that I can manage it.

I watched Julie and Julia today and really enjoyed it. Anyone else seen it? What did you think?

[crumpet]

hey girls....

sorry no personals today feel a bit blah really......

i will say dory so glad everything is going ok after ur stitch......

still no AF but im expecting it today or tomorrow if my calculations are right, who knows suppose it will come when it wants to come.....

finding it a bit harder to deal with things all over again lately.... i still post in the may mummies thread and as happy as i am for all of them its making me a bit sad the closer my due date gets......

hi to everyone hope ur all well

[TeniBear]

crumpet, I'm the same in regards to the late-April belly buddies thread - two more babies have been born from mine, so everyone's getting all excited where I'm getting upset that I won't be holding a baby in a few weeks. Before that, they were wondering who would be first... I went away from the computer for a little cry before coming back and reminding them whoever's baby was next would be the second I think I'll have a nice big breakdown on Ianto's due date (23rd April)

[dory]

Crumpet & Teni - big break downs on EDDs are fine and I actually encourage them! It's a hard day to work towards, with so many feelings to process. Sometimes the anticipation of the day can be harder than the day itself turns out to be. And sometimes not. Just be gentle with yourselves and take care. My best recommendation - don't put too many expectations on yourself for the day, and just let it happen rather than having a "plan". I am usually a plan sort of girl, but I have had no plans, just some general ideas and what you end up doing will be perfect on the day for you. This my friends, is really hard stuff.

You are both a lot braver than me, I have never had the courage to join a belly buddies group and I don't expect to either.

[crumpet]

crumpet, I'm the same in regards to the late-April belly buddies thread - two more babies have been born from mine, so everyone's getting all excited where I'm getting upset that I won't be holding a baby in a few weeks. Before that, they were wondering who would be first... I went away from the computer for a little cry before coming back and reminding them whoever's baby was next would be the second I think I'll have a nice big breakdown on Ianto's due date (23rd April)

its hard isnt it...... im very lucky the girls are great but i dont want Gus to be forgotten in the group thats for sure....like u he was the first born, just coz he didnt survive doesnt mean it doesnt count!! im sure the girls will be great about it though, its just my mind doing its usual "wondering"
ianto was due the day before my birthday!

Crumpet & Teni - big break downs on EDDs are fine and I actually encourage them! It's a hard day to work towards, with so many feelings to process. Sometimes the anticipation of the day can be harder than the day itself turns out to be. And sometimes not. Just be gentle with yourselves and take care. My best recommendation - don't put too many expectations on yourself for the day, and just let it happen rather than having a "plan". I am usually a plan sort of girl, but I have had no plans, just some general ideas and what you end up doing will be perfect on the day for you. This my friends, is really hard stuff.

You are both a lot braver than me, I have never had the courage to join a belly buddies group and I don't expect to either.

thanks dory.....
im defiantly not planing anything, i feel sorry for Dh coz its his birthday the day after Gus was due, happy birthday to him....... i dare say its going to be hell but ill deal with it as best i can i suppose

[Gigi1]

Oh girls (Crumpet and Teni) , it is so hard to face these pregnancies around you/us. And BB is one place i guess you have more power than ever to avoid whatever you care to. Go easy on yourselves. Don't do what you are not comfortable doing just for the sake of others. People that matter will understand. Thinking of you as you reach these dates. It is a stuffed up situation and there is nothing more I can say right now. I was going to say it gets easier to deal with/ manage. But today i feel like screaming so that is from another space entirely. Thinking of you.

Cheryl, hun be careful hun and rest up. I need to take my own advice. I have been so full on with other things and people I have just forgotten my own wedding anniversary. The balance is out in my life right now. Have to work at getting it back. I am feeling good hun, better than before health wise. I am happy and busy, pulled and twisted. Sometimes the balance is almost perfect and then the next minute i feel it building, moving towards out of control again. I guess what i mean is it is never far from the wobbles, like a top spinning. Can be such a fine balance and now more than ever i have learnt that i need to take care of myself, I can't just let myself go for too long. Thinking of you hun and rest up when you can. xoox

Dory, I have to say hun that I have let relationships go a bit. I have not been able to handle them as well as i would have liked to. I still have my wonderful friends but need more time for me these days. Like Cheryl, i don't feel like I have missed out necessarily...most of the time. I do miss what was that will never be again.
I am not sure I can help as i have needed the opposite really and that is to be left alone more and friends have wanted to be there. I have told my friends where I am at, as best i can, who I am atm and hope they understand and give me time. I have found that most people get it. Some people don't and to be honest i don't mind to leave them behind for the moment. I have not had the energy or balls to fight or justify. More than ever I have become someone that backs down. I hope that changes as i don't want to be a victim but i just can't be bothered right now. I would rather leave them behind. God this sounds horrible. Our needs have become so much more important. However every now and then I have found i explode emotionally. God i sound nuts don;t i...really I am not. I love my firends and find the juggle hard these days.
Boy that was a ramble. I think to give her space is a good thing. It sounds like it is taking your energy/thought and time...and that you need for yourself right now. Oh i wish we were good at practicing what we preach. I seem to get into trouble when i need things, support, reassurance and acceptance from someone else. I am trying my hardest to find it within myself...trying!
Oh hun, that was not helpful at all for you.

Angelicdragon, My hopes are still there for you hun. Thinking of you and hope you are feeling a bit better.

CharlieB, Sweety, sorry Af arrived but glad it gives you some regularity. Thinking of you and wishing the very best.

AFM,
Well, DH and I forgot out wedding anniversary yesterday...just remembered now. Oh dear, never mind. We don't get upset about these things. Everyday is a day to celebrate our love together.

Tired now.
SOrry for those i have missed. Got to go and get dinner going.
Love and thanks to all.

HM xoxo

[dory]

Gigi - thankyou. Every day is a day to celecrate your love - I like that a lot, it resonnates with me, becuase I agree. I don't think you are a victim at all, just your priorities have changed. Don't be so hard on yourself and rest up! I am getting much better at that - its just practise. It is hard to put yourself first isn't it? Hope you are not so tired today.

[Gigi1]

Mwua!

This time next week, a good friend will be in hospital after her c section. She is fearful and trying to accept this but finding it hard. I am trying to get myself ready to go to see her. I thought i might give my visit purpose and take her some food as i know she will also be suffering with hospital food and she loves her food. So I am trying to think of what I can take. If I get there and don't want to go in, at least i can leave food.
Anyway, that is today. This thread is so busy now, it is too much for me to leave it a couple of days...i struggle catching up.
Love to all hm oxxo

[blessedatlast]

Just a quick selfish post to say it is official: I am intelligent.. Yes Ladies, I passed my Anatomy and physiology exam and chronic health.. Woo Hoo!!

[dory]

Blessed - AWESOME. Congrats, but you know, its just confirmation of what we already knew?

[Gigi1]

Ditto Dory! Well done Blessed, you are a star!

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Blessedatlasst - yay Well done! You must be thrilled! Make sure you treat yourself for all of your hard work!

Dory and Gigi - thanks for your kind words. I agree, we do have to learn to treat ourselves better and put ourselves first sometimes. I find recognising when I need to do that is the hardest. I will endeavour to do that more often.

Crumpet and TeniBear - I find the build up to my EDD was very hard so I understand what you are going through right now. We decided to mark Ryan's EDD with a quiet picnic beside a lake in the late afternoon. We watched the sun going down and cast a flower into the water and said some quiet words and then sat there and watched the flower float away in the fading sunlight. We took some photos to remember the spot (we were in France) and to remember the day. We have shown my ILs who were respectful of the time, but no-one else. I guess it should be as public or private an event as you want - whatever feels right. I know some other ladies who released balloons with messages written on them, and written their baby's name in the sand at the beach. I hope you both find some way to recognise the day and be at peace with it.

Hi to Samcougar, aries, my2boys, charlieb, angelicdragon and everyone else.

AFM - had my GP appointment today. Pap smear was done but as I'm CD5 there was a tiny bit of blood which might render it invalid. If that happens I have to wait 3 to 6 months before another one! Oh well. Came out of the Dr's office with a handful of paperwork - more b/t day 1 and 21 usual tests, plus referrals for two specialists - one for IVF and one for a colonoscopy - yay! I get one done every 5 years because of a family history of bowel cancer so my GP has recommended getting it done before starting IVF again. I'm lucky that my GP is lovely - she was very encouraging about trying IVF again, so that was good. DH even made it to the appointment which was nice. DH hasn't had a drink since last Saturday night - he is such a wonderful caring man. I really hope that what Dory says is right and that even if he can't do this all of the time that it may make a difference!

Anyway, time to order pizza for dinner - our treat to ourselves for such a busy week!

Take care all and have a happy Easter! I hope the Easter bunny brings a fertilised egg to all of us
oxo

[Gigi1]

Enjoy you pizza hun and aren't our men just gorgeous. Glad all is being sorted for you. That is a bucket load of tests and I hope they all go well. You are a trooper!
xoxoox

[Miss.B]

Hello my beautiful friends,

I'm sorry I've been MIA, but have been so tired lately with the new wee man in my life. But every time I whinge to anyone about it who is willing to listen, I remind myself how lucky I really am!

So, I've dropped in to say hello and to say that I often think about you ladies and I pray that soon you'll be seeing those two lovely lines!!

Welcome to the newbies, and I'm so sorry you have lost your precious angels I hope your stay in here is a very short one.

So I'm spreading loads of baby dust and sticky vibes in here, and hope this group gets smaller and smaller!

Lots of hugs to all,
B xxx