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Thread: TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~Jan #2

  1. #37

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    Hey everyone,

    It has been really quiet around here huh!

    Spring - I am so sorry you received Harrison's certificate. They don't provide them in Melbourne (instead we get "stillborn" written on their birth certificate) so I can only imagine how awful it was. So confronting and heartbreaking, and the absolute worst way to start off DH's weekend home... I have 100% confidence that you will never have to receive another one of those again. Thinking of you both

    Clare - Good luck for your scan on Thursday, let us know how you get on.



    Bailey - Im glad going back to work wasn't as bad as you thought, the hardest bit is that first day not knowing what to expect. As hard as it is, I think it is great that you are starting to be able to talk about Asha and I really hope it is helping you

    Not much happening on my end, kids are being sensational this weekend - especially the youngest :eek:, so I don't have too much to complain about. Pretty confident AF will be visiting on Monday - I did HPT on Thursday with FMU and got BFN. So pretty much considering it was only 5 days before AF due I would expect at least a shadow of some sort but there absolutely nothing. Also, I am starting to get the usual PM symptoms. But, I am going to do another test tomorrow morning and if - let's not fool myself - when I get a BFN again I will know for sure I am not pg this month DH says I should hold out for Monday to see if AF arrives but Monday is exactly 5 months since Nicholas was born and I worry it is going to be tough, and considering I will be at work I don't need a nasty little surprise all on the same day because I will fall apart. But I will live, and I will go and have the hysterogram on the 13th Feb and then try again next month

    On a different note, I went with my sister yesterday to help her out with some stuff for my nephews 3rd birthday party tomorrow - well we took him to Red Rooster for lunch and he was telling all about what he was going to have at his party. It is a Wiggles theme and he told me he was going to have Wiggles music and I asked "are you gonna dance at your party" and he said yes, and I then asked "can I dance with you at your party" and he got this mortified look on his face and said "you will embarrass me", lmao. I was totally devastated!

    Anyway, on that very depressing note... I hope everyone else is well.

    Mel

  2. #38

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    Hi everyone

    Sorry I have been MIA for a while. Had a very rough week and just needed some alone time to deal with it. One of the issues was AF - the wicked witch arrived It hit me much harder than I would have thought. I also just found that everywhere I looked I saw babies and I just couldn't control my emotions. I feel like I have gone 10 steps back but I am trying to claw my way back.

    Spring - I'm sorry that the death certificate for Harrison arrived. I thought we would get one because on the letter from the funeral place it said that we would get it within 10 working days of the funeral and it never turned up. I got my mum to ring and they said that it was a mistake on the letter and that we don't get one because on the birth certificate it says stillborn. It was awful because for weeks I was dreading going to the mailbox in case the death certificate was there. I hope you had a nice weekend with DH and I hope he is back very soon.

    Mel - I still have my fingers crossed for you

    Hope everyone else is well.

  3. #39

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    Lynn: Oh I am sorry that the wicked witch showed up. I hope she has been kind to you. I know what it is like when something seems to set you back but you will get there hun. Perhaps a break from BB was a good idea but just know that I have missed your posts so I am glad to hear from you.

    Mel: How was the Wiggles B'day party? Wil just seems like a real sweetie, did he overcome is embarassment and dance with Aunty Mel? Have you tested again yet? Don't give up all hope. The first line I got about 2 days before AF you would need a microscope to see. DH thought I was imagining it. I know tomorrow is going to be a tough day for you. It is Harrison's 4 month birthday on Tuesday so just know that I am thinking of you. If AF does show up give her a big kick in the butt for me.

    Me, well, DH left this morning and I know he won't be back for at least 2 weeks.. I have been feeling sick all day and nothing I eat makes it better. I am hanging out for something really fattening, like hot chips, but I am trying hard to keep those kilos off. Nevermind, a night in front of the TV for me.

    Big for tomorrow Mel. I hope you are feeling a little better today Lynn. Hope to hear from more of you soon, I feel like I am hogging this thread.

    Luv
    Spring Angel

  4. #40

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    Spring I'm so sorry you aren't feeling too good. I will be thinking of you and Harrison on Tuesday. With DH away for a while, if you need someone to talk to or want to catch up let me know

  5. #41

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    Hey Girls, I hope you are all well.
    Dream - Thanks for those OB recomendations. I am a little early as I haven't even started TTC but I just want to be prepared I guess. I have a couple of people recomend Jan Dudley, so I might look into her.

    Spring - Oh I am so sorry to hear about you recieving your certificate for little Harrison. I didn't know that they sent out such things. The reason I didn't order Asha's birth certificate was because I didn't want to see that horrible word stillborn on it as Lynn and Mel said, though I have since realised that with any subsequent children I may have their birth certificates will have it on there anyway under the siblings section. I know what you mean about lightening hitting twice. It doesn't matter what numbers they give you anymore does it. I mean, it does help to know that the chances of it happening again are so low, but who would think it would happen in the first place?? I hope you're coping ok with hubby being gone again and I will be thinking of you on tuesday. Asha would have been 3 months tomorrow so I know how those monthly milestones feel.

    Mel - Fingers crossed for you tomorrow and I hope you didn't embarrass your nephew too much!! My almost three year old never lets me dance either, he says my singing and dancing is "esgusting" which is how he says disgusting, cheeky bugger

    Lynn - I am sorry to hear about AF. I hope you're feeling a little better.

  6. #42

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    Bailey - thinking of you and your precious angel Asha today. Big hugs to you

    Mel - also thinking of you today and your sweet angel Nicholas. Big :hugs:

    Spring - I was also told that lightning doesn't strike twice with cord accidents. But I still find it very hard to believe. Like what Bailey said, it is good to know the chances are low. Until these things happen to us you don't even realise that it happens at all. And babe, you will never ever have to receive a death certificate again...........none of us will. 2007 is the year for all of us to bring our babies home

    I had the worst week last week so I am starting a new week with a fresh start and hopefully I feel better this week (I need to get those 10 steps back that I lost last week lol). On top of AF arriving last week, someone had been writing some insensitive things to me which really freaked me out and hurt me. I am trying to forget about it and I just wanted to thank some of you girls for your support.

    Nat - I know you have been busy, hope you are well. Talk to you soon.

    Clare - Will be thinking of you on Thursday. Make sure you let us know how you go with the scan.

    Jo - hope you are well.

  7. #43

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    Hey everyone -

    Sorry but I have come on to whinge:

    Obviously we had Wil's birthday party but I did a HPT in the morning and it was negative and I just balled my eyes out because I knew that meant I wasn't pregnant, then about an hour or so after that I started to get severe PM symptoms and I was so upset. I composed myself by the time we got to the party, but my sister was stressed and in a bad mood so she had a go at me for no reason and I just got so upset again. I sat in my mums ensuite crying and then everyone started arriving and I felt like such an idiot. She came in and apologised and said she was stressed and shouldn't have taken it out of me, so I tried to compose myself and go say hi but just hung around inside for a little while cause everytime I tried to speak I started getting teary. Then one of my sisters friends arrived and this girl lost a baby at almost 20 weeks a few years ago, she came up and asked how I was (the only person to do so other than DH) and I just started getting upset again. So I spent a little time talking to her and then managed to pull myself together and go outside to say hi to everyone. Most of the people there haven't seen me since before I had Nichoals but obviously they all know, and I felt like everyone was looking at me. The thing that made it especially hard was that there was a 2 month old boy and a 3 month old boy there, as well as my BIL's SIL who is due to have a baby this Wednesday. I felt so jealous of everyone there watching all their little kids running around (including my step-children, I feel like the evil stepmum), and watching these women cuddling their babies and everyone making a fuss of them, knowing that Nicholas would have been here getting all that attention. And everyone was asking the pg girl about whether she was excited and everything else and I found it so hard to keep myself together - I couldn't even bring myself to day good luck to her. So, I spent most of the afternoon looking after my baby niece (the only baby who makes me happy) and then I felt like everyone, especially my BIL's family, kept looking at me holding her, and I wasn't the only person who noticed it. One person made the stupid mistake of telling me "you are a natural" because I got her to sleep (mind you I must bore her cause I can always get her to sleep) which I got really upset about on the inside cause I thought well of course I am a bloody natural, I do have my own baby you know. My mum says people don't mean to stare but it's hard for them to not think about what happened when they look at me. Well I think it's hard for me when I have been holding back my tears all day to know that everyone is staring at me and watching what I do. What made it worse was this stupid woman, who isn't a very nice person to begin with, has a 3 year little girl and the 3 month old boy is hers. Her little girl went up to her and asked her to do something for her and she snapped at her and said "It's my turn with Sam now, you will have to go and bother your father"! I felt like saying to her that she was a nasty b**** and she doesn't deserve her children. She is such an awful mother, I remember I went to her little girls 2nd birthday last year with my sister (cause she doesn't like her much either so didn't want to go alone) and she had this plain sponge cake with no icing or cream or anything on it, none of the kids ate it and she said the reason she made it plain was because otherwise it is too messy. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anyway, I got through the day and was exhausted last night. Woke up this morning and surprise, surprise AF arrived. Today, I am not as upset. Actually I feel a little numb, I don't really know what to feel. I am sad, I am in a little discomfort because AF is being an absolute b**** and I have pretty bad tummy cramps.

    Most of all, I am bloody p***ed off at my body for not doing it's job It has been 5 months today since I lost Nicholas and we have been trying everything we can to get pregnant and it is just not working. Everyone say relax and it will happen, well you know what this month I did relax, I didn't stress about it and figured what will be will be and it still didn't happen. What is wrong with me? I told everyone this month, including you girls on BB, that I didn't think I was pregnant. But to be completely honest, that was a lie and I just didn't want to jinx myself because I really did think I was. I had been having nausea here and there, the early cramping, my boobs have gotten a bit bigger (even DH has noticed that) and I have been really emotional which I thought may have had something to do with the pregnancy hormones. I had convinced myself I was and I just don't think I can handle this disappointment anymore. Yesterday I got to the point where I don't want to be here anymore, I can't handle anymore pain and I can't handle the stress of life. Like I said I am better today, but actually writing all this down is bringing back everything from yesterday and I am getting teary again.

    I want to go and find out why I am not getting pregnant, why won't my body do what it is supposed to. 5 months is a pretty long time! And, what makes me more upset is that I was told by my OB just after I had Nicholas that if we didn't want to get pregnant straight away we had to use protection of some sort because just after having a baby is your most fertile time... well if that is my MOST fertile time and I can't get pregnant, now that I am not so fertile what if I can't. And then I think back to that nasty woman who wrote in my post about Nicholas basically telling me that I should think myself lucky I can get pregnant (easy for her to say when she was 17 weeks pg at the time huh!) . I wish that woman could read this now cause I would love to have a few words to her, I would love her to tell me what makes her think I can get pregnant because lets face it each month that goes by I am losing more and more confidence in that theory, and I really am starting to wonder if something is wrong.

    On top of all that, I didn't go to work today because of the tough time I am having so Michael rang in and said that it was Nicholas' 5 month anniversary and all my boss said was "ok well we will see how we go" - WTF does that mean??????? As far as I am concerned he can shove his job, if he says anything to me tomorrow I am going to resign and go get temp work. Temp work would suit me perfectly, as they say all care and no responsibility!

    Anyway, I am sorry to have said all that but I think I really needed to get it all out. I spend so much time trying to pretend I am ok and even try to convince myself, but weekend like this make me realise I am anything but ok and in fact I am a mess :frown:

    I will go and compose myself now and come back later to catch up on other posts.

    I am really sorry about the long post - I just kept typing and didn't realise it was so long
    Last edited by Mel1977; February 5th, 2007 at 03:32 PM. Reason: to add apology

  8. #44
    clare076 Guest

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    Mel, I am so sorry. I really dont know what to say to make it better. I know there isn't anything I can say that will make your pain go away, I dearly wish I could do something to help you, but please know that we are all here for you. I had tears in my eyes reading your post, please don't apologise for having a vent or that your post was so long you obviously needed to tell somebody and get it all off your chest.

    I am also so sorry that AF arrived, I can't give you any help or words of wisdom with why it hasn't happened yet, but saying that I dont believe in the "relax" theory either.

    I know I haven't been any help Mel, but I really hope you can talk to someone that can give you some support during this difficult time. Please know you are in my thoughts Mel, and I pray with all my heart that one day it will get a little more bearable for you.
    Last edited by clare076; February 5th, 2007 at 04:40 PM. Reason: sorry I was going to disable my ticker but pressed the wrong button.

  9. #45

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    Oh Mel sweetie, my heart is just breaking for you. I don't know what to say to make it better. You deserve so much more than this. I can imagine how frustrated and upset you are and how you feel like your body has failed you. I am so sorry that Wil's birthday was such an aweful experience for you. You know your Big Sister loves you and I know in my heart that she wouldn't have meant to upset you. It must be incredibly hard to be in that situation with all those people making a fuss about the babies. I went to a wedding in December and everyone was making a fuss, right in front of me, over a friends baby. I felt like screaming, would everyone just forget the bloody baby and ask me how I am rather than pretend nothing has ever happened!!!!! I felt like a big meanie too but it is a totally natural reaction. I am glad you took the day off today, stuff your boss if he gives you any problems just walk away take some time out and then deal with it. I know you might want to feel like just quitting but just give yourself some time. I am sure everything will be ok when you go back tomorrow. Just hang in there, that is all I can say. Can you go and see your ob and see if there are some tests they can run. I suspect he might say try for at least 12 months (that is what most obs say) but there is no harm in asking. I hope so bad that you are feeling better this arvo. Pop in later and let me know how you are going.

    Bailey hun, how are you today? I hope you are ok, I will keep Asha in my heart and my thoughts tonight. Just know I am thinking of you and your special little angel.

    Lynn: I am so glad that you are back to BB hun, I really did miss you but I understand that you needed some time out. I know it must be so tough getting AF but just know that I am thinking of you and I hope this cycle brings you that magical BFP. Thanks for the offer to catch up. I think I might take you up on that offer soon. I am going through a tough time at the moment so perhaps the company of a true friend who understands me would be nice.

    Clare: How are you babe? Is that morning sickness easing? I hope you have a great scan on Thursday.

    Well me, I hate to be a downer but today has been aweful. I went to the bathroom at work this morning and there was a little bit of pink CM. I went to the toilet basically every half hour for the rest of the day and there was a little bit more. When I say a little bit, I am talking almost microscopic but I could tell that the CM was a little streaky. I am feeling so down. I am trying to be positive but there is only so much that I can bear. I called the OB but no one is at his office on Mondays so I am going to call back first thing tomorrow and try to get an earlier appointment. DH and DTD on Sunday (sorry if TMI) so perhaps that has something to do with it. The strange thing is that I am still feeling really sick and vomitted again this morning. I have been tired also but it could all be in my mind. Anyway, I am trying to keep positive. I'll let you know how I go.

    Spring.

  10. #46
    clare076 Guest

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    Spring, it probably is from DTD, your cervix would be quite sensative at the moment, I hope you can get an earlier appointment to put your mind at ease.

    I am in the same boat at the moment. I had a pap today and of course I knew I would bleed, its just started, nothing serious, just pinky CM. I have the scan on Thursday so not feeling to worried. I am more worried about the results of the pap for some reason, I have convinced myself they will come back bad, I mean with my luck lately why would it come back ok; Morning sickness is still awful, Maxolon is taking the edge off it but still feeling very blah! And I may be imagining it but I am already having butterfly type tickles low in my tummy, the same as I got with Max (at 12w) and Shelby (at 15w) So I suppose it is possible.

    My mum is taking me out tomorrow for bday lunch so hopefully it will take my mind off everything. She is finally moving out tomorrow so after 11 months it will finally be just me, DP and Shelby again. Woohoo.

    Lynn - I did get your email, thanks very much for doing the bracelets for me, I accidently deleted your message so couldn't return your email.

    Mel - how are you doing sweetie?

  11. #47

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    Hey guys,

    Sorry about my freak out before. I just started off writing my post and the further I got into it the more upset I got and then I started getting angry at life - you know how it is. Thank you Clare and Spring for your messages, it does help to know you guys are there and that's pretty much why I vent in here cause I know you understand. I still feel a big peeved at all this s*** and just want to stop thinking about it, even if just for a minute. But Lynn, you made me feel a lot better so thank you I really don't know what I would do without you all

    Spring - I am so sorry you have had such a crap day. I agree with Clare that it may be from DTD, it happened to me with Nicholas a couple of times throughout the pregnancy but I didn't stress too much at that time because I was naive back then. I wonder if it is making you a little more stressed because it was around this time you lost Pumpkin? I really do believe everything will be ok, but I agree that you should definitely try to get an earlier appointment. Simply to put your mind at ease. I really hope you do ok over the next couple of weeks with DH away, you that if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder (or telephone) to cry on I am there for you

    Clare - I am sure everything will be fine on Thursday, but I will be thinking of you all the same and you will definitely have to pop in and let us know how you get on. Same goes for your pap results. Happy birthday for tomorrow, I hope you have a lovely day and get really spoilt. How nice to be just the family again - we all love our parents but lets face it, we moved out of home for a reason, lol. Does your mum know about you being pregnant as yet?

    Bailey - Thinking of you and Asha today. Hope you are well :hugs:

    Thanks again,

    Mel

  12. #48

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    Hi girls,

    Mel - I am so sorry you're having such a crappy time at the moment, but please don't feel bad about posting it. We are the ones that can listen and understand when it feels like no one else does, that is why we are all here. I was thinking of you too today, I think you and I are always going to have a bad day on the 5th huh?

    Lynn - I am so glad to hear that your feeling better, and try not to let that person upset you. You don't need that! And I think you are right, 2007 has to better for us all, and hopefully by this time next year our little group will be a mothers group instead

    Clare - I am sure that you will have lots of good news to report after your scan on thursday, with a strong healthy bub in there tickling you! Happy birthday for tommorrow, I hope you have a great day.

    Spring - I am sure like the girl said it is just down to DTD. I had the same in both my pg's. So try to relax...though easier said than done I know. I am glad you are going to your OB to get some reassurance tomorrow. Make sure you let us all know how you go.

    Thanks to you all for your hugs and words. Managed to get through today pretty ok. Though about half an hour ago, I found a little blanket that my son had picked out for his "bubby" when my mum took him shopping one day many months ago. He had only just started to grasp the idea of us having a baby and wanted to buy a present. Anyway, I found it and wrapped it around her little urn, and then it kind of hit me all over again. I realised that he has also lost his litle sister, even though he doesn't really understand.

    Well to you all and thanks again.

  13. #49

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    Hi girls

    Clare - Hope you have a wonderful day and a nice lunch with your mum. I posted your bracelets on Friday so you might get them today if you didn't get them yesterday. I hope they don't upset you on your birthday and that they bring you comfort. How did you go with your pap - have you got the results?

    Mel - hope you are feeling a little bit better today and that your boss hasn't upset you again. Men!!!!! I'm glad that our talk made you feel a lot better. Thank you - you helped me too

    Spring - I hope you got an appointment to see your dr. Let us know how you got on. I never had this with Cooper but like the other girls said, it is probably just from DTD. Thinking of you and Harrison today - big :hugs:

    Bailey - love the mothers group idea That would be awesome for all of us.

    Jo - haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you are ok - thinking of you. If you are having some time out, I totally understand.

    Nat - sorry I missed your call last night. I will buzz you today. Glad you liked the bracelet.

    Me, I'm ok. It's Tuesday so they are always hard. Cooper is 10 weeks old today.

  14. #50

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    Afternoon Girls,

    Well its just taken me 1/2hr to read through all the posts and yes Mel I think you get the longest post award!

    Clare I hope you have a wonderful birthday and get spoiled, Im thinking of you for Thurs scan I dont think I need to say good luck, its all good. I was also glad to hear the fires didnt affect you. Hows the m/s going?

    Mel Im so sorry that witch turned up, it is so.....well just p%#% you off, I think what spring said about talking to your OB but I would tell him that you want to get it checked out, after us try so long and being told to wait and give it time this is not something I recommend. Go in ther and take the bull by the horns as they say. I do have to say I did smile at the end of your post, "what the" with the boss! I was thinking of you yesterday with Nicholas anniversary, my prays are with you. keep your chin up and I hope today is better.

    Spring How are you feeling today? A medical reason for light blood and dtd.....When you become pregnant the blood flow to the pelvic area increase ten fold, all the cells lining the cervix are enlarged and many things including DTD can cause them to burst hence the small amount of blood. But to put your mind at easy get in sooner to see the OB.Sorry DH has gone again hopefully two weeks will fly by. Oh and if you are eating hot chips can you have some for me please.......Im trying so hard to be good! A little pray to you for Harrison.....Im thinging about you love and big hugsxxx

    Bailey Im know as the good mum you are that your DS will always know his sister, I hope today is a little better for you. Jan Dudley is wonderful but I would make an appointment pre conception as I know she is hard to get into if you havnt seen her before, she will see you before and go through everything, she is great. And she at randwick near the hospital.

    Lynn Glad to see you back here! I will talk to you later this afternoon Im goin to get DS from school after typing this so Talk soon, and the bracelet is beautiful I cant thank you enough. Thinking about you and hope today is going ok.

    Jo Hows it all going? hope you well


    Im good just been flat out not sure what doing but keeping very busy anyway, Im sure ive O so now we just have to wait and see, saw my nurse today and we are going to do blood test Thursday week.....I will know soon enough i guess. I will pop back later tonight and catch up a little more.

    Hope you all have had a good day if not I will send you some +++vibes I hope this helps.xxx

  15. #51

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    YAY YAY YAY!!!!! There's a HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!

    By the time I got to the obs I was a complete mess but after the scan I feel better. The little rascal measures 7 weeks which is spot on. I don't have to have any blood tests, just booked in next Tuesday for another scan, more for my peace of mind. This is going to be such a long 9 months. He gave me a referral to a psychiatrist, I think he thought I was losing my mind which I basically was. I still feel really worried but I am so glad to see that little flutter on the screen. I think everything was ten million times worse because it is Harry's 4th month Birthday today and with DH away I think I am entitled to be a little crazy. The ob, midwife and receptionist were all amazing. The ob gave me his personal mobile number and said I could call any time of the day or night. I think he might come to regret that offer.

    Clare: did you have a nice lunch with your Mumma? I hope you got spoilt rotten and that the m/s gave you a bit of a break so that you could eat some yummy cake. I hope you have an awesome scan on Thursday. I know how you must feel worried about your pap smear, it sort of gets to the stage that you feel the whole world is against you. Fingers crossed for the all clear. Did they tell you how long the results would take?

    Mel: Thanks for all the texts of encouragement and reassurance. You deserve a medal for all the wonderful support you have been. How are you today? How did everything go when you went back to work? I hope they were easy on you.

    Dream: Good to hear from you hun. Great news that you more than likely O'd! I hope the blood tests next week give you the results that you want. Thanks also for the info about DTD. I tell you what DH is not going to be allowed with 10ft of me if it is going to happen every time (lol) To be honest, I think he will be to frightened to touch me (LOL). You were right about the hot chips. Because I had been worried sick all day I hadn't eaten and on the way home from the Ob got a hot chips and Sprite from Red Rooster. Oh well, I have earned it today. Back to healthy Spring tomorrow.


    Lynn: Thanks for your kind words babe. I hope you are ok today. Friday is when Harrison was born and even though four months has passed, every Thursday night I think about being induced and the first thing on my mind when I wake on Friday morning is Harrison. Well he is on my mind every other day but on Fridays it is almost like I have disturbing flash backs. I hope today was a calm day for you and you are ok

    I am going to chill on the couch and will pop in later. The guy across the road came over to tell me his house got broken into today and his motorbike stolen. We have an alarm but it still doesn't really make me feel much better. He thinks he knows who it is.

    Oh well, I pitty the poor bugger who tries to break in here, Frank and Vinnie take their job very seriously.

    Luv Spring

  16. #52

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    Yay Spring! See, you should always listen to all of us wise old women, we all knew bubs was ok. It's great news, and so fantastic you have got such an understanding OB.
    I will pop in again later to say hello to everyone but I just wanted to say how happy I am for you Spring, and hopefully you can relax a little now!

  17. #53

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    Oh Spring I am so happy for you!!!!!!! It must be a relief to see the little one fluttering around and to see the heartbeat. It will be a long 9 months but just remember we are all here for you.

  18. #54
    kerry Guest

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    Hi all.. haven't caught up just letting you knnow I am taking a break atm. I will be back soon (I hope) but need some time away just now.

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