TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after 1st trimester ~ December 07

[Katiegirl]

Hi Jo. Thank you so much for that poem. It is exactly how I have been feeling. I identified with every single line. Especially the part about the stiff upper lip meaning that I am controlling my feelings, not that I am over it. It has also helped me in that I do tell people 'I'm fine' or 'I'm okay' because it just seems easier most of the time. And I am so sorry that your friend's mother walked off on you after she asked how you were. People can be so insensitive without even realising what they are doing, or what effects their actions and words can have on a grieving person.

I am so sorry that you are having a tough few days. Reading your post, I kept saying, yes I feel that, yes that is happening to me. It is like you and I are in sync with each other. I also enjoyed my job, but now have to make myself accept that fact that I am not leaving (and at times it makes me angry). I also am sleeping better, but still staying up too late and can hardly get out of bed. In fact this morning, I had to get up at 6:30 to drop the car off for a service, and then I got stuck in traffic on the way home and now I feel like I need a nap!

Life can be challenging at the best of times, and right now is no exception. I have my DHs 30th party coming up on the long weekend, and I know I will be getting a lot of 'sad eyes' and head tilts, and then also I have to be prepared for the people who say nothing and appear to have forgotten. I will be seeing many people for the first time so it should be a bit tough. Plus, one of our friends are due 2 weeks after what would have been our EDD. We have not seen them yet, and I am nervous about it. I think it will be a reminder of what I should be looking like etc. Thankfully my best friend is coming from Sydney, so I will get her to hold my hand throughout the night! I don't want it to be a downer for my husband.



Anyway Jo - I hope you have a better day today. As for answers from my Ob there really weren't any. In regards to the bleeding he said it is normal and there is nothing to do but wait. As long as you don't have a fever etc. He said if after 2-3 months I am still having bleeding and a messed up cycle, then he would suggest an ultrasound. Unfortunately I think it is a waiting game. Which makes it hard if you want to start TTCing again.

[tempus moriendi]

Katiegirl: yeah, I know what you mean about spiraling down. I do that, too, if I"m not careful, but it's encouraging that you recognize it and have a plan--to talk to your counselor, to focus on more things than just babymaking, etc. I'm pulling for you and good luck with your appointment.

jo76: it's hard getting back to real life, with people's comments and questions and stuff. sending a cyberhug. Thanks for sharing the poem.

[Anthonysmom]

Katie - sorry you did not get more answers from your OB. I know you will be seeing the new one soon, so I know that will be better. IKWYM about not wanting to be near baby things. Shopping for baby stuff was the greatest feelingin the world. especially when it was supposed to be for your own baby. Christmas was so hard b/c everyone I know has kids and shopping was almost unbearable. you are also right about the waiting game. i feel that it is all i do these days. wait to be normal. hope your DH bday party is good.

Jo - sorry about the bleeding. I bled for about 2-3 weeks. it went away and then bam spotting a week later for a few days. like Katie said now we just wait. hope the moving and packing go well. don't overdue it. remember your body has been through a lot.. i too need to talk about my son but see people cringe when I mention his name. i find it theraputic. i am lucky to have a few good people who know how important it is and ask me about how I am feeling often. They also call my son by name and give him the respect he deserves. Jack is and will always be your son. and thank you for the poem.

Tomorrow I have a conference for work. i am a special education teacher. we have big assessments coming up and have had meeting in september and then again in november. In sept it was the day of my NT. it was so exciting. in nov it was the day of my 20 week scan which went so wrong. i remember being so excited at my conference as I was going to the hospital for the scan later that afternoon. now I have to go back and see these same people and think of all the would have been. I agree with you ladies work is very hard right now. I think about APril and going on maternity leave. it would have been perfect because i could have taken the rest of the school year off and then spent the summer with my son before going back to work in september. now we are starting all over. sometimes i feel like i was never pregnant at all, like it was all a dream.

hope all are doing well today

Barbara

[tempus moriendi]

Barbara: those little reminders and things of your life before can be so painful. Sending you a cyberhug.

[Anthonysmom]

:hugs:thanks TM

[Katiegirl]

Hi Barbara. How did the conference go today? It is really hard having all these hurdles to jump. Just as you think you are having a good day, you then see a baby item that you had intended to buy etc, and that can cause so much heartache. I hope you got through the day and that people were kind to you.

[jo76]

barbara - i really hope that your conference went well also and that there were some parts of it that helped get you through the bad ones. We have a work meeting coming up next month so will be in a similar postion. we had a big meeting a week before jack died and everyone was so excited so will hard to have to "explain" again to people more so that i work with.
I had a reg customer some in today and she had been going through a bit of post natal after the really recent birth of her little boy so had'nt seen her for awhile. the last time i saw her was 2 days before she was due and i was 13 weeks preg. and she to was so excited and said she had been thinking about me / about my pregnancy and so came in today to show me her son and to see how i was. I practically stuttered over the words that i lost him and she stood there with tears down her face so then the tears that had welled up for me started too. But unlike most people she asked about him, how big was he, what was his name, did i get to hold him. She said she would say prayers for me and it was such a wonderful thing for me to finally feel as though someone really wanted to know who he was. She said she will make an effort to come in regularly again to check up on me and make sure i was ok. Truly wonderful!!!!but then of course she left and i went out back for a big sook. i was hurt but happy to have someone really acknowledge him. So it seems people will still keep coming up that i have'nt had a chance to tell yet which will keep it all in my face even more right now. And i am STILL having slight spotting...

[Katiegirl]

Hi Jo - I am glad that what could have been a very difficult situation turned out not too hard for you. It is wonderful to know that some people are able to just let you know how sorry they are, and it is lovely that she asked about Jack. I also got an email today from an old friend who lives in Brisbane - I thought I had sent her an email letting her know, but she obviously did not get it, as she asked how the pregnancy was going. I am thinking we will have to get used to these instances. I have not had a face to face meeting with someone who doesn't know, and am dreading it. I am worried I won't react well.

I hope your spotting stops soon. Mine appears to have stopped (for now at least) and I think....that I may even be ovulating. Not sure what is going on...cycle is all messed up. My naturopath has me taking my temp each morning, so hopefully she will be able to explain it all to me. I have no idea what it all means. I am tempted to try TTCing over the next couple of days, but am on so many herbal meds that I am worried they could cause problems. Too much to think about.

Take care everyone

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone
Katie- yeah, being told to relax and even knowing it would help is a far cry from being able to do it. you are so fresh to the loss- take what ever comes and seek what helps you rather than what could help you if only you could do it. the rest will come later.
Jo- ikwym about work - i just didn't care for so long, i just came because that is what was expected. and i needed to pay the damn hospital bills. even now work doesn't hold the same place it once did. sorry about your cry with dh and dtd - i did the same, that physical area was so linked to Yeti's death. i cried at your story about your customer's response -- some people really do get it and it makes such a difference. sorry your other friend did not - that seems to happen more often that the other way. death of a baby is something many people cannot face.
Barbara- oh, i hate those reminders and facing people who will ask questoins and probably not react as well as Jo's customer. i ran into a meeting just yesterday, on Yeti's 10 month birthday, where someone asked me how our first born was doing. i don't think the "reminders" ever end.

[Anthonysmom]

Katie - glad to hear your spotting has stopped. my cycle is a bit crazy too. fertility friend said I ovulated 4 days ago but my chart looks a bit crazy. and yes you are right everthing is a waiting game. what exactly is a naturopath? i ahve heard several women talk about them but I have no idea what one does.

Jo - sorry about the spotting. i am glas to hear about your customer. it is great when people achnoewledge our children and ask about them. I have a friend who always refers to my son by his name. it gives anthony dignity and i cherish that.

Auntie M - i am so sorry to hear about your meeting. it is hard to realize that the pain never goes away. it all never ends. but there are things to look forward to. how is Pea-no nuts doing? is she a kicker? that is one thing i wish i felt. i never felt anthony move. i have said it before and i will say it again, all you pregnant women give me hope.

TM - hope all is well.

my conference went well. i did get some head tilts though followed by how are you with that look. i am pretty used to it. i was fortunate though b/c after i lost my son some of my close work friends put the word out for me before i ever got back to work. so there really wasn't anyone i had to tell myself. all of the women at the conference knew...well except one. i don't ven think sheknew i was pregnant which is weird b/c at the last conference we were all talking about it. anyway a week after i delivered i bought myself this beautiful angel charm for my necklace. i have worn it everyday to keep anthony with me. well this other teacher saw it and asked if it was b/c i am such an angel. a few of my coleagues looked up knowing that this was going to get uncomfortable. i told her no that the angel didn't represent me. she then asked who did it represent. i muttered "my angel." there are 70 people squished in this tiny room and I didn't want to break down in front of all of them. then she asked who is my angel. well that was it. it took all my power not to lose it. i told the women i would tell her later. the reminders are everywhere. normal has gone out the window. today was better. back to my regular work routine. tomorrow morning (right now it is 10pm thurs) i will call my OB. i am supposed to get more blood results back. i am terrified. monday i see a genetic counselor. never ending

barbara

[Katiegirl]

Hi Barbara. I can't believe that woman kept asking you questions, she obviously is not overly observant! It sounds like you handled it well.
A naturopath is someone who specialises in herbal medicines and remedies. You can see them for all areas of health care and they deal more alternative therapies like herbs, acupuncture etc. I am currently taking a variety of herbs and vitamins. My naturopath specialises in women's health and fertility.
Now a question for you - what is a genetic counsellor?
I also never felt Nathaniel kick. As it was my first, I had been told that it was not unusual to not feel movement unti 20 weeks - so I guess if I hadn't had the scan that week I would have started to realise something wasn't right. I would have loved to have felt him kick, but at the very least I saw him move around at my 12 and 14 week scans, so I do have those memories. I also can not wait to have that opportunity again.

Auntie M - I love watching your ticker move forward. I am so excited for you - it brings me such joy to know that you are being given the gift of another child. You have certainly already shown what a loving mother you are to Yeti.

Jo - I hope the spotting stops soon for you.

[angelicdragon]

I know I don't post very often, I feel really out of the loop. But I often think of you all ..
I made it down to the beach again yesterday.. finally!! Last time was April last year. Anyhow I wrote in a whole lot of new Angel names yesterday. Many are from here. Check out the link in my signature to find your angel. There is also a page 9 but I have to get DH to make a link for me. For now you you just change the page number in the url bar from whaterever page you are on to 9. ie sand8 to sand9

many hugs
Jude

[Katiegirl]

Judy - I just wanted to say thank you for creating such a wonderful website. It is a beautiful way for all our angel babies to be remembered. It has meant so much to Steve and I to see Nathaniel's name written in the sand. It feels like in doing this you have given him life. I can not thank you enough. You are obviously a very special and caring person, who is bringing comfort to more people than you will ever know.

[tempus moriendi]

Barbara: cyberhug, pronto.

[jo76]

hey everyone!
good news! my spotting has officially stopped! Wo-ho!!!!
Now the waiting begins on the AF! We are putting in an offer on a house tomorrow -wish us luck! For once I have something else to think about and overtake my mind!
Had an another emotional meeting with a customer on saturday...she was a week behind my due date and she came up to me and said you lost your baby? and i was like yes as i had'nt seen her for awhile. She said i lost mine too. Neither of us could believe it and right there we had a teary together. She lost her baby at 12 weeks and said she had been too scared to come in and see me as she did'nt want to see my belly when she had miscarried. and to think i was worried about catching up with my friends, at the moment it seems to be my customers!
hope you all had a good weekend! esp you barbara - a nice one to relax after your conference! xxx

[jo76]

jude!
everything katie said to you and more. i just went into it and i do not know what to say but thank-you for such a wonderful touching site that you have created and words cannot describe the meaning that the photo you took has! you are doing an amazing thing for us all and are an incredibly compassionate person to take time out of your life to touch others in this way.

[Anthonysmom]

I will post more later, but just wanted to say hi ladies. I just had a temp drop this morning and thinking I am not pregnant. I ma okay with it b/c DH and I said we were only casually trying, but still deflating.

Judy - I jst wanted to tell you how much it meant to see my son's name with all the other angels. you are a wonderful person for doing it. I showed my husband this morning and he started crying. he hasn't cried for anthony in awhile. can you add his name next to mine? DH's name is Ian. it would mean so much to us. thank you.

Barbara

[Katiegirl]

Good morning everyone. Jo - glad to hear your spotting has stopped. It is such a relief to finally feel that that the MC is over. I also am pretty certain mine has stopped - and I might even have ovulated the last few days. Who knows though, it is so hard to know what is happening with my cycle.

Barbara - sorry to hear your temps have dropped. I will keep my fingers crossed just in case. We have only just started to TTC again and I am certain that I will also feel deflated when AF comes. Like you we are taking it casually, but I know we all have the baby thoughts at the back of our minds. If this one does not stick for you, than I will you lots of luck for your next cycle.
I really would love the day off today, I just don't feel like working. I am not upset, just lazy.

I also have to prepare myself for seeing our friend this weekend, who is due 2 weeks after I would have been. I am really scared, as it will be Steve's 30th and I really want to stay happy for his sake. Any hints on how I can handle seeing her? I am sure she is probably aware of how I feel, but you just never know.