Thanks Bec, for thinking of me. Well I am still feeling a bit blah but I have a big day today so I am trying to be cheery!

I changed doctors after my Bob died in May last year. He is a lovely man and a very good doctor who happens to be an ivf wizz but I just didn't want to go back to the same room where we found our baby had died.

I chose another doctor with a great reputation for being very pro womens choices in birth. Of course I never thought *it* would happen again so I was really only focussed on getting the birth I wanted initially. He is a lovely man and omeone who I get on really well with. I saw him with my March angel and Eggy. I didn't change after my March angel as I liked him and I felt comfortable with him.

As some of you know I have changed obs again. AFter much research and "interviewing" of doctors I have chosen a fairly new obs to our area who happens also to be a woman.
I changed because after all of my research and questioning it became quite clear my obs was not up to date with these things and not at all confident with treating me. When we found Eggy died he just said "well I am at a loss". I had constantly asked through my last pregnancy to be medicated with asprin and prednisone as I had read about their effective use in some trials in miscarriage and loss clinics. He just kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me. I knew he was wrong but I chose to listen to his voice and not my own inner voice. I had taken one dose of clexane during Eggy's pregnancy and I reacted. I asked to use an alternative and was told: "there is no pathology to support the need for clexane so I really dont' think it will be of benefit". It was probably *one of those things* and I am sure it's not going to happen again.

After I got out of hospital after Eggy I decided I was going to research a LOT. I did like a woman posessed. I have consulted 5 obs. All have concurred that there is *something* wrong and all have more or less concurred on the treatment as well.

I went in to every obs with a long list of questions and all of my pathology for the past 18 months. (you can also do this under "Freedom of Information" at a small fee) After each appointment I jotted down what I liked and what I didn't about each one. I then made a decision on who I would *engage* as my care provider.

I would suggest that doctors need to be interviewed for the job. They need to be asked really pertinent questions about how they feel about certain treatments, deliveries, options, medications and their experience in dealing with miscarriage and late loss, their confidence in dealing with it and their success. It is also helpful to find out where their interests lie.

Your medical history should all be recorded - either on disc or hard copy - you just need to fill out a form to have it released to a new carer or to yourself. This is your right again under "Freedom of Information".

I am not suggesting that everyone change doctors when a baby dies. What I fully belileve though is that you really need to ask lots of questions and get a number of opinions when a baby dies. In doing this YOU will feel more comfortable and the doctor you end up choosing will know exactly what she/he is dealing with.

Not one of the doctors I approached was taken aback by my questions (albiet I do know 3 out of the 5). Please don't be afraid to ask questions. Many of us come from family back grounds where it's not the "done thing" to question a doctor - and we *should* just listen and "follow doctors orders". However, this is your health and your baby and you don't get any second chances so I would strongly advise that you don't just listen to a single professionals opinion.

I truly understand that this can feel daunting and due to my profession I of course feel comfy in doing this moreso perhaps than someone without my background.

I hope that has helped Bec. I know I am quite forceful about it - it's only because I have really learnt how important independently seeking information is.

I hear you about anniversaries - I feel the same. My Bob was due on her sisters 3rd birthday so we just have been through that anniversary. My March angel was due just before his brothers 6th birthday in September. It is tough and I am sending you a big big hug :hugs:

I hope I have helped you without sounding scary...