Thanks Spring Angel I am hoping for a wonderful 12w scan too. This is our second Christmas without Caitlyn so I guess this time it is more about how to get excited again.

I am going to be with my very gorgeous niece and my old man nephew who, at 5 1/2 has been here before. My niece the wild child - at 2 1/2. She ran out of the bathroom last night, slipped and knocked herself out. She is a kamikaze child who is so stubborn and strong willed - something I encourage

My nephew asks questions far too advanced for his age but he gets given the answers - I refuse to lie. He asked when we were having a baby again around the time we conceived and asked his mother shortly after she was told if he would be a good big cousin. Last week he asked me if my baby was still growing - he knows about Caitlyn and often takes her (her pciture actually) out of the cupboard to talk to. Such a special little man.

I hope this Christmas brings you and your family some peace and you can make it special in some way. Harrison will be with you in spirit, which is not what you wanted, but I found it was the only way I could get through each day. To give myself some hope. My first period after Caitlyn's birth arrived on Boxing Day and I was still leaking milk occasionally which made the time all the more difficult. But you cling to whatever gives you sanity until you are strong enough to take those first little steps forward into a life far different from the one you had planned.