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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester

  1. #19

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    Sorry Bailey - I think we posted at the same time. How was your weekend? Welcome to the test junkie club!!!!! Good on you for putting Asha's name on your mums card. I was the same with my sisters card, wasn't sure, but did it. I like Spring suggestion by just puting from XXXXXX family.


  2. #20

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    I am sitting here crying because I have just read a story about a woman who has lost her second child. It just makes me so upset that there are so many angels - why? Why does this happen to me and you. How does this happen? Why are they taken from us? Life is just so cruel and unfair that little babies don't get a chance, a chance to live their hopes and dreams. Not only am I upset, I am angry. Angry that this happens to wonderful women who try to protect their babies and do the right things. What have we ever done to deserve this?

    Today I feel like my empty arms are aching. Aching so much to hold my baby. I want to hold Cooper again and it hurts so much that I won't ever be able to do this. I want to be able to hold another baby too but that it seems is so hard. Why haven't I ovulated at CD28? Why can't I fall pg easy? Why is this so hard? Why does it hurt so much? My arms and heart just ache.

  3. #21

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    Lynn :hugs: I wish more than anything that you could hold Cooper again too... :hugs:

    We may never know why this happens but it does and it will continue to. The only thing we can do is be here for you and all of the other women who have this sorrow and sadness. We can be here to talk too, to show love and friendship too and to ride the waves that sometimes feel like they will crash down on us.

    I am here Lynn as are all of the other women in here so you talk and cry and scream as much as you need to.

  4. #22

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    I also read that post this morning and felt such heartache for this poor family, I couldnt reply because I was at work and was bursting into tears all morning as it was and just couldnt think of what to say... but I have just gone online now to post and tell her how very sorry I am for all that she is going through but I cant find the post anywhere. It is so horrible that this happens to people and it makes me so sad Lynn, I too have had a day of tears and came home from work half way through the day because of it and reading your post made my heart break even more and I feel exactly the same way you do. I dont know why this happens to any of us, I think it is cruel and unfair - noone should have to bury a child and in all honesty it something I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have to do. And I like you just feel like I cant get a break and I am so fed up! I really hope that things start going our way just to give us both a little hope in this crappy life.

    My heart goes out to you Lynn, and also to all the other beautiful women of BB. Without you all I have no idea where I would be right now

    Love Mel

  5. #23

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    Alright, I am reaching throught this stupid computer screen right now and giving all of you a big warm hug You sound like you need it.

    I am sorry Lynn and Mel that you are having a really tough time at the moment. You are right, no mother should have to bury their child, it goes against every maternal instinct possible. There is no reason, and never will be why this happens to such wonderful people as yourselves. It just sucks and there is no other way to say it.

    There are no words that are ever going to be good enough to make it better, but the only thing I can say is that I care for you, I wish the world for you and I will always support you, no matter what. Just don't lose hope, I know it is almost impossible, but I truly believe that you will hold an earth child in your arms.

    Big love
    Spring

  6. #24

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    Hi Girls

    Lynn Im so so sorry, God I only wish for you and all of us that the pain could be taken way and this bad dream to end. Im sending you a big hug and hope this helps a little Are you feeling better this afternoon? Just watch the amount of sugar you have. I to hope you get a big BFP soon and can go off all your medication good luck tomorrow I will be thinking about you. Thank you for filling in for my post!

    Mel Dont think you are ever leaving Nicholas behind, he knows how much you love him and how he has two of the most wonderful parents in the world, but im sure it will feel good when he is at home with you. I hope that you get the call soon to say he can come home for good. Im pray so hard that you get that BFP soon.

    Deb How you feeling? I hope all the good signs are there for you! Thinking about you on this long wait till test results come in......its jst so frustrating, but as Mel said patients is a virtue I think a male must have written this, if it was up to us it would just happen and we would not have to wait! Lots of to you.

    Spring I cant belive how far along you are!!! thats great. Hope your feeling sick!!!!!In the best way possible! Are you having a scan this week? My brain is well not there sometimes!

    Bailey Dont give up hope yet, keep testing a big BFP is just around the corner just wait and see! You have what 6 days to go?

    Well im heading off to serve up dinner, I had a huge weekend and am still trying to get over it! I must be getting old. If im still up after 8.30 tonight I will try and catch up with all you girls.

  7. #25

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    Thanks Deb, Nat, Mel and Spring. I don't know what I would do without your support and the support of the other women here. I am so thankful that I have met you all but in a way I wish I hadn't because that would mean you and I haven't lost our babies. I just wish I could have met you another way iykwim.

    Some days are good, some days are bad. But lately the good days turn into bad days. This morning I thought it was going to be a good day. I went on a big walk this morning with my girls (dogs) and then decided that the red wall must go! So it did. But then something happened, not sure what, but I was just so upset and angry. I think it is because I am thinking of what is happening this week. Tomorrow I have the FS and I just have this feeling that my results are not good. I have a feeling that this journey is going to be a long one for me. I know I should be positive but I just can't think like that at the moment. Also on Wednesday it will be 3 months since Cooper was born. I just can't believe how fast the time as gone. It still hurts like hell. I know that nothing I can do will bring him back and I know if you could, you would bring him back for me. And on top of all of that I feel so nauseous. If it was m/s I would put up with it and be happy that I had it, but it's not. Life just sucks.

    Mel - thanks for your email. I'm sorry that you are feeling like this too. Life is so unfair and cruel. Why are we not prepared for something like this. Why are we told that things can go wrong. I think if we didn't have to deal with the shock of it, it might make it a little bit better, not much, but a bit. I am glad that you left work early to take care of yourself. I hope you are feeling ok. Big hugs to you.

  8. #26
    leabead Guest

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    Hi
    I lost my son Noah at 16 weeks and 4 days recently. Although I feel ready to ttc, I feel guilty that he would think I am trying to replace him. Which I am certainley not- how do you guys cope with the guilt?

  9. #27

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    Lynn I am thinking of you today as you go to the fertility specialist. I have everything crossed for wonderful results. What is the nausea from Lynn do you know??? JUst know sweet woman when you go in there today you are going to have all of us with you in spirit. That's the way it works in here okay? :hugs:

    Leabead - welcome to Belly Belly and I am so very sorry for the death of your son. The pain is immense I truly understand. As for the guilt - I truly don't believe for a moment that our Angels feel they mean any less to us because we choose to have another child. Noah knows that your arms are empty and I am sure he would want them filled.
    I am glad that you posted in here Leabead - you will find so much love and support from all of the beautiful women in here. Do they know why Noah died? Again Leabead I am so sorry for your pain :hugs:


    My hcg levels will come back this afternoon - my obs will email me with them as soon as they come through. Yes I am nervous but also accepting. I can't change whatever it is I just have to live through it. I pray that it is good news and that tonight will be just the first wonderful and happy day of positive news in this pregnancy.

  10. #28

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    Thank you Deb. :hugs: I know that you are all here for me. I guess I just feel like everything is going wrong at the moment so why not today. Ok enough negativity, I will start to be positive now! I think the nauseous is from the Metformin. It has started since I started taking it. I will talk to my FS this afternoon about it. It is definitely not pg symptons because test junkie here did another hpt this morning - why??????? I don't know maybe just because I thought I could have all this wrong and was clutching at a chance............but that chance has gone. Good luck this afternoon although I'm sure you don't need it - everything will be fine. I love the way you are staying positive - send me some of those positive vibes. Let us know how you go.

    Leabead - I am so sorry for the loss of your son. The guilt that you are feeling is what we have all felt when we started to the TTC journey. Just realise that you are not replacing Noah, just the hole in your heart that he has left. He knows that he could never be replaced, and how could you, he is your perfect little angel, your son. When was Noah born?

    Mel - hope you are feeling ok today

  11. #29

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    Hi everyone,

    Leabead - I am so sorry to hear you have lost your precious Noah As Lynn said we all felt guilt in the beginning of our TTC journey but with time I think you will truly believe that all Noah wants is for his Mummy and Daddy to be happy and hold his brother or sister in their arms. Nothing will ever replace our angel babies - how could it? They are our flesh and blood and will remain in our hearts and memories forever. I believe all we are doing is adding to our families. Please know that we are all here for you if you need anything

    Lynn - I have been thinking of you today and I hope you went ok, talk to you soon

    Deb - Did you get your results? I hope everything was perfect and your little bean is growing as he/she should be. I think it is great you have such a positive attitude and I hope I can take a leaf out of your book if and when I am pregnant.

    Spring - How is lil Spring treating you? Did you have another scan today?

    Nat - Wow you sound like a busy little bee, you will need a weekend to recover from your weekend... I havent felt that way since I was about 21 LOL

    I did another test this morning and got a BFN - I am starting to get a little disheartened about this month considering I am CD23 today, you would think at least a faint shadow would be visible

    Hi to everyone else, I hope you are all well.

    Mel
    Last edited by Mel1977; February 27th, 2007 at 05:51 PM.

  12. #30

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    Leabead: I am so sorry for the loss of your darling little man Noah. I am glad that you have found BB as the women on this site provide the most amazing support and friendship to help you through the difficult days ahead. I know how you may feel guilty TTC. Most of the ladies in here have experienced guilt about many different things,TTC being one of them. Just know that you are not being disloyal to Noah if you TTC.

    Lynn: My heart breaks reading your posts, I have tomorrow off work so I'll give you a call and have a chat if you feel like it. I am so sorry that he drugs are making you ill, can they give you anything to make you feel better? How was your appointment today, I know you were nervous but I hope that you finally got some good news. Take care sweetie :hugs:

    Mel: I am sorry that you got a BFN this morning, but remember I didn't get a clear positive until the day AF was due. It depends on the hormone levels and every woman is different. It doesn't change the fact that you must be driving yourself insane with the wait. I want more than anything for the next post I read from you to be filled with news of a wonderful BFP. I didn't have another scan today, the Doc wanted me to try to wait one and a half weeks this time so the scan is on Friday afternoon.

    Nat: I am so envious of your hectic weekend. My weekends basically consist of house work and perhaps a DVD with DH. Can't complain though, it is nice to have him home on weekends. I hope that you are well babe.

    Flowerchild: Hey honey, I posted to you in the Pregnancy thread. Big babe.

    Well I'll pop in later, I am worried about my girls so make sure you all pop in and let me know how you are.

  13. #31

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    Hey everyone,

    Hope you all had a good Tuesday.

    Mel - that BFP is just around the corner. Like Spring said, you may just have to wait a few more days. Talk to you soon.

    Spring - I would love the chat tomorrow, thank you :hugs:

    Nat - thanks for the chat. As always you put things into perspective and it all makes sense - thank you! You are the best

    Deb - hope everything went well today, am thinking of you

    Well I went and saw my FS this afternoon and all I can say is 'about time'. About time I got some good news. All my tests came back negative which is good and my chance of a miscarriage is very low (not sure what they test for but I will take the FS word). So now I just need to wait for AF and then I can start my next month on clomid and metformin and hopefully this is enough to make me o and get pg I asked my FS about o'ing late and he said that some women do and it is ok to fall pg on those eggs but he does want me to o a little bit earlier than I have been (ok I will just let my ovaries know!!!! lol) They are going to monitor me with BT and u/s for my next cycle so we can see exactly what is going on. I said so I don't need to do OPK or temps and he said no. What am I going to do without my tests!!!!! He said that I can still do temps if I want but there is no need to do OPK because they will get a better indication from BT and u/s. I think I will still do temps just so I feel that I am doing something.

    I am feeling a bit better too, not feeling to nauseous which is good. But I'm sure that is all going to change tomorrow when I increase my dose! Oh well, I know at the end of this I will be feeling nauseous for other reasons and that is what I have to keep telling myself.

  14. #32

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    Hi everyone,

    Lynn - That is fantastic to hear about your FS appointment. It's great news that everything is looking OK, now you will just need to coax those eggs down a little early and there should be a BFP soon. I am glad to hear you are feeling better, and maybe this good news is just what you need to keep you positive for next month's TTC. I hope you have warned your DH that he will be a busy boy next month. I will be thinking of you and your little man Cooper tommorrow.

    Mel - Sorry to hear about your BFN, but stay positive, it's still a little early for testing and it ain't over til Aunty Flo sings. I wish that old witch would realise that she isn't welcome in this thread!! I am crossing every body part for you!

    Spring - How is Lil Spring going?? Did you give in and give him/her that red meat they've been craving?

    Flowerchild - Good luck with the results you are waiting on. I am sure they will be good, this is the year of the Golden Piggy after all!

    Dream - Yeah, I still have a little while to go before I should start those HPT's, but they were just sitting there begging for me to try them I am trying to stay positive, but like I have said before, I will try not to get too upset if I don't get my BFP, it is only my first month. That said, I have had a few little signs, but they can be taken either way. Why are AF and BFP early symptoms the same??

    Leabead - I am sorry to hear about your little boy Noah. I am sure we have all had guilty feelings about TTC. Not a day goes by where I don't feel some guilt about things I did or didn't do. But in the last week or so, I have decided that this journey is hard enough without letting guilt add to it. Noah knows he was and is still loved and that he will never be replaced. I am sure that all of our angels know that.


    Well, I have had a bit of a mixed night. I was telling Spring and Lynn when we met up that my little boy (just turned 3) has not said anything about the baby since we lost her in November and had only just bought it up last week. We haven't really gone into it with him as I feel he is a little young to worry about death just yet, but we had decided to take our cues from him, as in talk about it openly when he wanted to or asked abou it. Well tonight there was a baby on the TV and he said to me " you don't have a baby in your tummy any more" "the baby is broken, babies don't have batteries" I just burst into tears and then laughter. It is such a simple way of looking at life. So here I was preparing to explain it to him, and he was over it, he just started babbling about toys etc. I love his little world and the way he sees things. But i think that him acknowledging this has made me realise what he is missing out on too, and that sucks. He is a big brother, he has a little sister. But he will never know her. That is hard.

  15. #33
    leabead Guest

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    Hi sorry I didnt explain my situation properly, I was 16 wks and 4 days into my pregnancy with Noah when my waters broke. It has only been 3 weeks since we lost him on the 8/2/07. However, the hole he has left in my heart so needs filling and thats why Myself and my husband want to 'try' as soon as possible.

    People keep saying wait a year and then try again, but why should we? We were ready for a baby now thats why I was pregnant!?

    Thank you all for replying to me- I will try and catch up on your histories.

    Can any of you advise me with regards to ovulation after a m/c, I'm on day 20 of my cycle and am still spotting on and off, and I have been using ovulation predictor sticks and they are still negative.

    My story is on a website we have made for Noah- I'm not trying to plug it- its just hard to keep typing whats happened and I appreciate you are all overseas!

    www.noahsark.moonfruit.com

  16. #34

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    Dear Leabead: I have just looked at Noah's web page and I am so very sorry for not only losing your darling little son, but also for the horrible experience that you had. I can understand the hurt you are feeling, but don't be too hard on yourself, it has only been 3 weeks so let yourself grieve.

    About ovulation after miscarriage, every woman is different. I my case it took me 6 weeks to get AF back after losing Harrison. You say that you are on day 20 but that you are spotting, it may be that you are still bleeding after giving birth to Noah and that this isn't a true cycle. I bleed for about 3.5 weeks and then it was another 2.5 weeks before AF arrived. The only thing about TTC whilst you are still bleeding is that I think it increases the chances of infection. My Ob told me that the placenta wound needs time to heal so if you are still bleeding it would be worth checking with your Ob first. I could be totally wrong but I would check it first. Take care you yourself honey :hugs:

    Bailey: what a wonderful son you have. As you said, he will know that something has happened, but it will take time for him to process it in his mind. I know that you are grieving not only the loss of your daughter, but also the loss of your son's sister but one day, when he is old enough, you can tell him all about his treasured little sister.

    Lynn: How are you today honey, I know that today is Cooper's 3 month Birthday and that it is going to be really tough for you. I am going to give you a call soon but if you are not up to talking, let it go through to the machine. It also sounds really positive that your FS is being so proactive with your next cycle. I am so very relieved that you didn't get any bad test results yesterday. Big Big :hugs: :hugs: to you today babe. Hang in there, tomorrow is a new day.

    Mel: How are babe? Tomorrow is your last day at work isn't it? You must be counting down the hours now. I know that you are having a really tough time leading up to the 5th, but if it makes it any different, I have been thinking about you all the time and if positive energy counts for anything, then hopefully you get a bit of good news soon.

    Well I have the day off today which seems like a waste because I have woken up with a runny nose and sore throat. Managed to get a bit of housework done early because I couldn't sleep with my blocked up nose anyway. About to head off to the shops and then spend a realxing arvo at home.

    Flowerchild, Dream and all you other amazing ladies, I hope you are having a good day.

    Big love
    Spring

  17. #35

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    Hey everyone,

    Thank you so much everyone for your posts, texts and phone calls today. I am just so grateful to have met so many special friends that are so supportive and help to make this journey just a little bit easier :hugs:

    Today has been ok. I gave Coopie a big hug and kiss and asked him to help me through today - I think he has done this. I have bought some long stem white oriental lillies which are Cooper's flower and some butterflies that I will hang in his garden.

    My friend sent me a card and a poem that she wrote and I wanted to share it with you:

    It hurts to know you're hurting
    Because your so special in my heart
    The pain that you are feeling
    Is tearing me apart

    But know that love has a way
    Of easing all that's wrong
    Together we can make it
    If we hold on and just be strong

    Know that you're not alone
    In all your adversity
    For by your side through and through
    Is where I'll always be

    Hope you are all well.

    Take care & best wishes
    Luv and hugs
    Lynn
    xxxxxxx

  18. #36

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    Hey everyone,

    Lynn - to you today. I am glad that Cooper helped you get through the day. I hope you are still feeling ok tonight. The poem your friend sent you is just beautiful, what a lovely thing for her to do and so heartwarming that she cares so much. I really wish we all had a friend who would do something so beautiful, she is definitely one to be treasured.

    Spring - You poor thing, how crappy on your day off but I hope you are feeling a little better tonight. You are right, and thanks for remembering, tomorrow is my last day and I am so counting down the hours! Although I already have work lined up starting 13th March so I wont get to rest for long. What will I do for a whole week with no job Thanks for the positive vibes for Monday, I hope they work.

    Bailey - Your son sounds so gorgeous, it is kinda nice that they live with such innocence. I can imagine how hard it was to hear him say that, but I really can imagine the way a 3 year old would say it and I think it would be so cute. I agree with Spring, he will always know that Asha is his little sister because you will bring him up to remember her.

    Deb - I hope you and your little bean are doing great.

    Hi to everyone else.

    Well I got another BFN this morning though, each day that goes by gives me less and less hope - but oh well, what can ya do. I wont get upset about it now, I will wait til Monday and all day. One good thing (which I forgot to mention in my post yesterday) is that my OB called with the BT results from Monday and he said it shows I have ovulated so I have decided to throw the last OPK test I have in the bin and not even think about them ever again. I tested this month and not once got a positive so wondered if I had or not, but BT's are more reliable.

    Anyway, I hope you all have a great night. I am off to mentally prepare myself for unemployment as of 5pm tomorrow

    Mel

    P.S. Spring, dont know if you remember our conversation about my annual leave but thought you might like to know my boss spoke to me today and said he doesnt have a record of it so did I think 3 weeks pay out was fair - HELL YEAH! LOL

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