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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester

  1. #19

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    Hi girls

    Sorry - been out of action of late - i have missed you and have definitely not left BB ! I hope you don't mind me still being here, being (just) pregnant and all. I still feel i belong and have found it hard being pregnant so far. Nausea is setting in (and my husband has been tapping me on the shoulder to DTD and i just feel sick - from morning sickness that is (and his comment is "but it isn't the morning"...ok smartarse) and i have been starving (great - pack on the kilo's already) however i am no way confident about the whole pg yet - hope this doesn't affect the outcome..... anyway enough about me.

    Sarah - sorry to hear about your precious Jemma :hugs: and again sorry to hear that you didn't get "an answer". If you ever want to chat i am here for you as we didn't get a definite answer as to why our Tommy died either. All i know is that i had a massive bleed 15 hours after my waters broke, he was still kicking, but by the time we raced up the hospital (only 15 min later) he was dead. The docs just can't confirm what happened. It is a real **** isn't it !

    Lynn - i am glad you contacted your FS and just call him up and get him to explain EVERYTHING whenever you need to - he must understand how you are feeling and that you are a beginner at this sort of thing. My heart goes out to you and your DH - i hope that your body settles soon and catches that egg and pins it down. Whatever you decide to do with your TTC journey you know that you have a lot of chatter boxes here ready and waiting to help any way they can.

    I do hope to see you tomorrow at the support meeting.

    Flowerchild - fingers crossed that your eggs are captured by those swimmers !!! Hope you are feeling ok (with tummy and all).




    Mel - sorry to hear about your DTD episode...hopefully enough swimmers got away and headed upstream...fingers crossed for you honey. As for the ex - what an idiot. You do hear so many stories about child support - a very difficult one to be involved in i am sure - but as you say it is based on current income not what could be..silly woman. I guess a lot of ex's will do anything to cause **** in the family and will go to any expense to get there..obviously a very unhappy woman. I feel sorry for the kids who are torn between this - it is just not fare and i don't know how she can carry on like this....and hello, not providing clothes when they stay with you (i have heard of this before from my own sister and her stepson - horrible...they are just counting down the years until the child can decide for himself what to do).

    Spring - i can't believe you are 19 weeks already - that is so exciting...so work finally know too hey - are you not showing that they didn't already has suspicions ? Don't tell me you are one of these trim chicks who don't show until they are ready to pop !!!! Take it easy at work too.

    Alex - so you are up watching the cricket hey - i turned on the tv and saw it was on so i flicked it off. I am not a huge cricket fan - can watch a little here and there but nothing more. I love it when the season ends but then the footy (with all the boof and crap)starts. I do love sports mind you - you wouldn't think so though....

    Bailey - are you out there ? Any exciting news ???? I guess no news is good news. I can't always express post a HPT from here to wherever you are if you like. Let me know. You are back this weekend aren't you ?

    (Feel like i am talking to myself)

    Hello to everyone else - hope you are doing all fine. Sorry if i missed any personals (although it has been quiet in here there is still a lot to catch up on...). Today, i am going to see "Meet the Robinsons" at the movies with a few other kids - should be fun. Then am going to catch up with a girlfriend of my sisters who lost her girl at 20 weeks last year (she would have been due now) and i think she is finding it hard. I hope to have a good chat with her.

    Take care and hugs to you all.

  2. #20

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    ADVICE PLEASE !!!

    Hi guys

    Just a quick one - just went to the toilet and noticed a bit (the tiniest bit of brownish blood) on the toilet paper....no pains as yet. I wonder if this is the start of something to come (am i jinxing myself or what !).... I had this in Tommy's pregnancy so am not too concerned at the moment but of course it is making my mind wander at the moment.....

  3. #21

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    Tommysmum - it is always scary seeing blood when you are pregnant. However, it is very very common. I had it also with a couple of my pregnancies (one of those is a gorgeous 6 year old boy!) As you would know brown blood is old blood - again not uncommon around this time of pregnancy.
    You could go in and get an u/s now and at this stage you should see a beautiful little heartbeat. That may be a way to put your fears to rest and also to have a peek at where that bleeding is coming from...

  4. #22

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    Hi Flowerchild

    Thanks for your reassuring words - i hope all will be ok. I might see if i can sneak in for an ultrasound. Will keep you posted...

    thanks

  5. #23

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    hi ladies, just wanted to pop in and say hi. will catch up on the threads later. Hope everyone are the best they can be.
    lynn - so glad to hear you are continuing TTC. take care of yourself.

  6. #24

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    Klee - Happy 2 months birthday to your precious sweet angel, Phoebe. My thoughts are with you, Phoebe, DH and your family today. Phoebe will be watching over and protecting you and helping you through today. If you need to talk, you know where I am. Take care

    Tommysmum - while I never had spotting when pg with Cooper I know a number of people that did, so I presume it is quite common. I think the best way to put your mind at ease is to have a scan. And then you will also be able to see your little bean :hugs: I have decided that I need to go tomorrow to the support group, so I will see you there.

    Sarah - welcome, you have come to the right place, and of course we don't mind you joining. Making the step here is a huge step and shows what strength you have. We are all here to help you on this path. The girls here are wonderful and will help you through this sometimes painful journey. I hope your TTC journey is short and sweet. Take care

    Alex - wow you must be a cricket fan to get up early!!! I am a soccer fan and got up and the most ridiculous times to watch Australia in the World Cup, so I understand the passion. I am glad that I motivated you with my post. That is what I am here for..............my girls! And to support you all to your BFP and beyond. I hope your bleeding stops soon. Take care of yourself.

    Deb - I so hope you caught the eggie. It sounds as though you may have. I hope the 2WW is kind to you. I really do hope that this is your month. I have everything crossed for you. The quilt sounds like a wonderful present. What a beautiful thing that you and your friends could do. I hope you had a nice day at the park. Thank you for all your support - I really do appreciate everything you do for me

    Mel - I hope you caught the eggie too. It does only take one, so lets hope that the one got there! I am sorry to hear about the ex. What is she playing at???? When everything seems quiet, up she pops again! I think she needs to realise that the kids come first and not her! I do hope you can get it sorted out soon because you really don't need this sort of stress at the moment. Take care of yourself and thanks for your support.

    Spring - I have to say that the visit from MIL's sister is a bit dodgy. I would keep your guard up. I hope everything goes ok. Let us know how you go with telling work. I'm sure they will all be so happy for you. I hope your headache has gone.

    Jo, Chelle, Nat - I hope you are all doing ok. Thinking of you.

    Well today I am off to the groceries and pick up some pills for my girls from the vet. I am then going to visit my friend who had an operation yesterday, so it is a busy day for me today, which will be good to keep my mind busy.

    luv & hugs
    Lynn
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  7. #25

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    Hi Lynn - will definitely see you tomorrow. I was going to go for an u/s in the morning however spoke to my ob and he said that the brownish blood could be from DTD the other night and there is no concern (unless it is pink/red)...i started having pains today too and he said that is probably "paranoia"....so i am just going to see what happens...

    see you tomorrow and everyone have a lovely evening

  8. #26

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    Tommysmum - I hope the loss settles down and that you get no more pain.

    Klee: Much love to you and your husband today. Phoebe will be smiling upon you today I am sure... :hugs:

    Well I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind today so I don't know what posessed me to decide to change internet providers. I was on the phone on hold with optus for 2 hours and 28 minutes. What the????????????? Anyway by the end of the wait I told them they could forget me as a customer if this is how they treat customers.... I think they should spend less time trying to get giraffes to talk and more time answering their phones! GRRRRRRR - can I still blame the clomid for my foul mood today?????
    I won't spread my poison any more - *she slinks off to make a cuppa...*

  9. #27

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    Deb - LMAO at the comment about the giraffes!!!! You told them! Good on you! You can blame Clomid on this if you wish. I blame everything on Clomid! And it didn't even work for me!!!!!! I hope you have had a better afternoon

    Tommysmum - what is with you girls that DTD after you're already pg!!! Don't you know you can't fall pg again!!!! LOL! I hope the spotting goes soon and I'm sure your ob is right, you are probably just anxious so you have pains. I tell myself that I have AF pains and even get the heat pack - doesn't work though, she still hasn't arrived!!

  10. #28

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    Hi Lynn,
    Sorry that your period still hasn't arrived - the good news is that perhaps with the delay you won't need u/s while you are on holidays in Qld???? Did you see your doctor today or maybe not because you spoke on the phone?
    You sound much happier this afternoon - I am so glad!
    I agree by the time I get pregnant I will be so over the whole DTD thing that I won't want it for months!

    Yep, I did tell them Lynn! I only wanted to ask a simple questions. Now I am waiting for connection to a new provider and a new provider for our phone. It's unbelieveable the wait I had and the poor response when I finally got through. Okay don't get me started again....
    I need to check on the roast chookie!

  11. #29

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    Hey Deb,

    No I didn't speak to my FS today because I spoke with him yesterday. I don't think he would want to hear from me 2 days in a row!!!! I was thinking that maybe it is good because AF hasn't arrived because maybe I have done it all on my own, ovulated and hit the jackpot, and that I might be pg!!!! I doubt it, but I said I was going to be positive, didn't I. But yes you are right, at least I won't need to have an u/s place in Qld. I am going to pick up my 'showbag' (everything I need for the injections) on Thursday so I can take it with me just in case. DTD - exactly!!! Once you are pg, do you need to do it anymore!!! LOL!

    Yes I had better go and check on my chicken. I am doing one of my fav dishes at the moment, Lemon & Thyme Chicken. Nat cooked it for me once and it was beautiful. Now we have it once a week!

    Hope everyone else has had a good day

  12. #30

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    mmmm sounds yummy - can you slow cooker it??? I am a bit slow cooker obsessed at the moment! I would love the recipe...

  13. #31

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    OMG Girls, you have been a chatty bunch today. I'm going to do personals but if I miss anything excuse me, here goes.

    Sarah: I am sorry that you have to be part of our gang but of course you are welcome. I sort of understand how it feels to have no answers. Although Harrison had problems that we knew of, no one could put a name on it or tell us if it could happen again. I hope that despite the timing issues this month you get a

    HeybackO : never watched a game of cricket in my life but what a bummer that NZ won (lol) Go the Aussies. I am glad that it sounds as though your bleeding should bugger off soon. Take care of yourself.

    Klee: Thinking of you and your angel Klee today. I hope you have had a peaceful day :hugs:

    Tommysmum: I had pinkish/brownish discharge twice this pregnancy. I can't remember the exact dates but it was at about 7 weeks and then about 11 I think. DH and I had DTD both times. OB explained that I must have a very sensitive cervix and to take things 'like a virgin' when DTD. Heaps of foreplay and go really slowly. It hasn't happened since thank God. However, I had a scan both times just for my peace of mind so regardsless if your OB thinks you are being paranoid, go and get that scan if you want it. You want paranoid, the first time I had the discharge, I called my ob at 8.30pm on a Sunday night and he organised to meet me at his offices and gave me a scan at about 9.30pm, Now that's paranoid. Oh and no, I am not fortunate enough to be a slim gal, I don't think I am showing much yet because I still have my 'pouch' from Harry and it is just filling up. Think I can make it until next Friday which is 19 weeks without spilling the beans.

    Lynn: How are you today babe? What CD are you? Is it possible that you could be UTD even if you took the provera (sp?) are you tempted to test? Either way, I hope you either get that magical BFP or AF shows the hell up soon. How was your day? I hope your friend is recovering well. How was your lemon and Thyme chicken? Share the secret babe, sounds yummy and I'd love to cook it.

    Flowerchild: Can I assume the chook got roasted in the slow cooker? They're adictive aren't they? Did you make yummy vegies and gravy to go with it? Mmmm my mouth is watering. Sounds like you gave it both barrels to the ISP today. Good on you, whatever happened to customer service, 2 1/2 hours on the phone is enough to make anyone angry so no wonder the clomid moster made an appearance. Hope it sorts out soon and that the TWW is being kind to you.

    Mel: As I said last night, I hope DH's ExW wakes up to herself soon and sees that the only person she is hurting is the kiddies. Did you get the letter off today? As you said, her claims are unfounded, but is annoying that you have to respond. Do you and DH have the kids this weekend? I guess when you see their cute little faces it makes all the adult baloney worth while.

    Well I am just having dinner and taking it easy after another hectic day. One of the area managers decided today was the day to give Spring an ear bashing over a matter I have no control or influence over, he chose the wrong day because I ear bashed him right back. Anyway, I have tomorrow off thank God because I have my booking in appointment at the hospital with the Midwife. I am going to the Westmead public as a private patient. The OB wanted to be at the public because apparently it is the place you want to be in terms of the facilities there if the bub needs any help. Over cautious I know but it makes me feel better knowing I am in the safest place possible.

    Anyway, I'll hang around a little longer and see if any of you spunkrats post.

    Oh and I meant to say I hope that tomorrow's SIDS and Kids isn't too difficult for you Lynn and Tommysmum. It will be hard to be there but I am sure it will really be worth it.

    Big love
    Spring

  14. #32

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    Hello ladies,

    Sarah - Welcome to the thread, I hope you can find you gain as much strength as I do from being involved here. I have responded to other threads saying how sorry I am for the loss of your darling Jemma but I just wanted to say once more that I am sorry you are going through this

    Lynn - You sound like your keeping up with that positive thinking and it is so great to see. I hope tomorrow goes ok, I am sure it will be an emotional and tiring day but at least you have "Tommysmum" there with you. You will have to let me know how it goes, I emailed Sids and Kids in Melbourne on Sunday but they still havent replied to my email But anyway, it will be good to know how you find the meetings.

    Spring - Hope your day at work wasnt too tiring

    Deb - Well done for giving Optus what for, I hate telephone companies with a passion! Hope the cuppa made you feel a little more relaxed... how is the TWW going anyway? I am managing to not get stressed - yet!

    Tommysmum - I wouldnt worry too much about the spotting. When I was pregnant with Nicholas I found brownish coloured blood on my knickers at 5 and 1/2 weeks pg and well as you know I wasnt miscarrying, and that blood has nothing to do with me losing him at 36 weeks. I dont think your confidence levels will have an effect on the outcome of your pregnancy, I think it is natural to stress after everything we have all been through. How was Meet The Robinson? I so want to see that... I am just a big kid really

    Klee - Hi, hope you are doing ok it was nice to see you pop in.

    Alex - Sorry to stress you about the school holidays LOL. Hope that bleeding gives you a break soon.

    Well I ended up talking about Nicholas with one of the girls I am working with. I cant even remember how, but it kind of came up and I just told her. I said I didnt want to tell everyone and she promised not to tell anyone. She was pretty sympathetic about it and all and asked if I had a photo so I showed her one and she said "wow he is very well formed for 36 weeks", that kind of through me a bit and said well yeah he was going to be born 2 weeks after he died. What did she think he was going to look like? Anyway, I really regret telling her now, I was really enjoying the whole anonymity of being there and now I just feel uncomfortable. Although it was hard to have people asking me if I had children and talking about kids and that all the time, I still managed to get through and for the most part turn a blind eye to it all. I promised myself I wouldnt talk to people about, and now I feel so angry at myself. I mean I am only working there until 18th May why couldnt I have kept my big mouth shut. If only we could undo things that have been done, I would go back and continue keeping my secret.

    Anyway, just having a whinge cause I am a little annoyed at myself. Oh and thanks to you all for the support re: the psycho ex wife, it really is a huge stress in my life and it is nice to be able to get it out - DH always just says dont worry about her, your letting her win by getting upset... only a man could say that right?

    Hope you all have a great night.

    Love Mel

  15. #33

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    Mel: Don't beat yourself up too much about telling the lady at work about Nicholas. You did what felt right at the time. I am sure she only made the comment about his size because she might not have known what stage babies are at the time. I had a friend say 'he looks like a real baby'. At first I thought WTF, then I realised that what she had pictured Harrison would look like in her mind wasn't what he actually looked like. I was upset at first then just realised she has probably never seen a stillborn child and didn't have children herself so I forgave her.

    As I said, we do what feels right at the time, as you said you are only there for another Month so just hang in there and go back to being Mrs. Anonyimity.

    Luv Spring

  16. #34

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    Hey Spring, sorry missed your post...

    Thats pretty unfair you got an ear bashing, glad you gave it right back! I think I would have burst into tears LOL. I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow! Are you looking forward to it? I cant believe how time is flying by, lil Spring will be out in the big wide world before we know ... and I will probably still be TTC
    I did get the letter off, in fact I faxed it to CSA at about 11pm last night and it felt great. They rang DH today to say they had received and get his permission to provide a copy to her. I said to him I hope you told them to go for it, that is the main reason I wrote the letter cause I want her to read it all. I cant wait for her to receive it now!... Shove that in your pipe and smoke it B*** Lets hope it all goes in our favour though. We don't have the kids this weekend, we have them next weekend instead. This weekend is the infamous mates wifes 30th and DH is going alone, I refuse to put myself through watching everyone coo over her being pregnant all the while ignoring the fact that I have lost my child, or that I was even pregnant in the first place. So I am going to see if a gf wants to come over and if she is busy I will stay home and stalk BB.

    Actually does anyone have any ideas of what to buy her for a present? I was going to buy the baby album like I mentioned but I have changed my mind and I dont think I can allow myself to be that involved in her pregnancy at this point in time, and why should I be the one to be so supportive as to buy her a baby album when she has barely been able to acknowledge my son until she became pregnant herself. I thought that being pregnant had changed her a little which is why she discussed it when we last saw her but my sister (who knows her) said she thinks the only reason she wants to discuss it now is because she wants to talk about her own pregnancy. Anyway sorry got off the track, so yeah gift ideas would be greatly appreciated.

    Oh and Alex, sorry meant to say in my last post that the CSA rules here do not take into account the time the children are in our care. They are currently phasing in changes to these rules at the moment and as of July 2008 if you have care of the children over a certain amount of nights per year (which we do) the child support amount is reduced by 24%. I wonder how she will feel when that happens? Re the clothes she doesnt send anything, which is probably better for us and the kids anyway. She sends the 2 year old in size 4 t shirts which hang off her but then on the same occasion the 5 year old girl will be wearing a size 2 skirt and the 6 year old boy has this size 3 t shirt that he comes in all the time which barely fits over his head. The 2 year old once came in thongs (which she could hardly walk in cause she doesnt know how to keep them on her feet) that were both left feet, one was hers and was about an inch too long for her foot and the other left thong was her 5 year old sisters! So really they get stripped as soon as they get here and they wear all our nice clothes and shoes we provide them for the weekend. As far as I am concerned that is neglect but then you know the poor thing she doesnt get enough money from DH so what is she to do?

  17. #35

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    Yeah but see thats the thing, it didnt really feel right at the time. Like when things come even close to something like that I kind of try to cover up and then just keep babbling and in the end it just spills out and once it starts to spill I get all nervous and I dig my hole deeper and deeper iykwim. I know what you mean about people not realising what a still born baby would look like, but she has actually had 2 children of her own who are now in their early 20's so I sort of thought she would have a fair idea that a 36 week baby would look just like a baby (as your friend said). But anyway, I sound like I am upset with her but I am really not - I am sure she didnt expect the conversation to go that way and she was probably quite shocked. I will try not to be too hard on myself but I am a little nervous about going in tomorrow What if she has told people? I dont think I could handle all of those "looks"... you know the ones

    Anyway I am being a thread hog tonight so I will shut up now

  18. #36

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    I know the looks you are talking about, but hey, you might be surprised and after having a night to think about it, she might turn out to be a great support and comfort. I am feeling really nervous about telling everyone at work that I am UTD because you can bet the first question will be, it is your first? Have to figure out how I am going to deal with it but I think I might spread the word with a few of the ladies about this pregnancy and Harry and let the word get around.

    I hope tomorrow is ok for you and that your aren't too nervous. Just take the day as it comes.

    Anyway, I'm off to watch All Saints, I love that show.

    Good luck tomorrow,
    Lv Spring

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