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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester April

  1. #127
    Heybacko Guest

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    Hi everyone

    I'm exhausted today -spent yesterday running around chasing xrays, BTs, medicals, certified copies of everything but the kitchen sink - I have said it before but NZIS are very anal - they want us to prove we are in a 'genuine' relationship for heaven's sake - like the fact we have been together over a 100 years, married and have lots of little male monsters isn't enough- feel very frustrated I'm sure it willl all work itself out but it is SO stressful and the timing is (now) all wrong for me to feel like a good fight!

    I had my blood work done for my medical and I am so worried that my haemoglobin is going to be under the lower limit - I am usually about 152 and with the blood loss brought on by the m/c I dropped to 94 - they were borderline blood transfusion and nearly did my D&C in the night but opned the theatre at 6.00 am instead. My SpR was great and told me if they question my blood work, he will do a letter and explain the situation - but it still stresses me. Can anyone say how long it takes for haem. to come back up again (I am on iron, eating red meat and green veggies, blah, blah)

    Also (sorry if this is TMI) - I am still bleeding 12 days after the D&C - no clots or real loss onto a pad, just a lot of red slime (told you it was TMI ) when I wipe - I have NEVER bled this long, even after childbirth and even though it is browning off now, I am worried about how long it has gone on - it is normal (even though it isn;t usual for me??

    Sorry for that rant, now.......

    Lynne - hope you are coping with what has been thrown at you the last few days, and that you will stand by your guns and have it out with the FS - you are NOT paying peanuts, so you shouldn't be getting a monkey!!!

    Mel (the letterbox smuggler!): ooh that made me smile, like I have never done anything like that before ever !!



    Flower: I expect you will be playing Roxy Music's 'Dance Away' this weekend!!!!!!!

    Spring: hope the headache is better, take care of you and Springer/Springette xxx

    Tommysmum: thank you for your kind welcome, hope the kitchen is going well and you are having a good weekend with your tactful DH!! (am slightly worried we are married to the same man!!!!)

    Love to everyone else
    Alex
    xxxxxx

  2. #128

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    Ok I have been doing some thinking and I think I need to write it out and see how i feel..............and perhaps get some opinions from you guys.

    I am not a quitter and I'm not one to usually give up, but lately I have been feeling that there are just too many hurdles. I have been thinking that I might give the TTC away for a while so I can just grieve. I feel like I am on this roller-coaster ride with all the ups and downs and it is making me so sick. I know I have a fertility problem and that it is going to take time, but with everything else happening around me I just don't know if this is the time and if I have enough energy at the moment to continue on the TTC journey. I think that maybe I am making the TTC journey harder because I am so stressed and upset all the time and so I am in a vicious cycle. Maybe I need some help with my grieving and get an understand of it before I can start to be positive about TTC. Maybe it is because I have had so many hurdles that I think I can't do it anymore. I don't know. I desperately want another baby but is now the right time given everything that is going on at the moment?????????????

    It's just a thought...............I thought I would put my feelings out there.

  3. #129

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    Lynn: The decision to TTC or perhaps putting off TTC is such a personal decision and only you know what is going on in your heart and your head. You are not a quitter by any means if you decide to have a break.... I must admit, I don't know if I would have the strength to go through all you are going through and at the same time grieve the loss of a child.

    How does DH feel about it? Are you on the same page or does he want to continue TTC without a break? I am so sorry that I am not being very helpful but it such an intimate decision that I don't want to let my opinions get in the way.

    I could be wrong, but last time when you decided just to let nature have it's way you fell with Cooper didn't you? Perhaps that is your body saying let me do my thing. It must just get so tiring doing all the BT, scans, checks and I think that you know your body well enough to make the right decision for you and DH. It may be a stupid question, but are there counsellors who specialise in fertilty/grief issues? Someone who understands all of the emotions you are feeling and help you work through the difficult decisions you have to make. If you want me to, I can do a bit of research and see if I can find someone who can help you out. Perhaps you could just say we'll have this month off, go to QLD and reassess where to go from there.

    No matter how long you wait, the grief for Cooper will always be there, but perhaps if you give yourself a bit of 'me time' the TTC journey will be a little easier.

    I hope I have helped, don't really feel like I have.

    Just keep talking honey, we are all here for you.

    Warm cuddles and :hugs:

    Luv Spring

  4. #130
    Heybacko Guest

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    Oh Lynn, the way I see it, this is nothing to do with quitting or giving up - it has everything to do with the way you feel and the effect coping and getting through things has been having on you.

    I cannot begin to understand what you have been, and are still going through but I do know a lot of fight has gone out of me since my 2nd m/c 10 days ago - I sometimes struggle wanting to get off the sofa, wash my hair or even cook dinner and a lot of the time, I don't feel it getting any more bearable.

    I do so hope I don't offend anyone (as I may not put this too eloqently) but I don't feel I have been through anywhere near what you have been through - I cannot understand how you have been this strong for so long.

    I think seeking some sort of counselling is a great idea - I have wondered myself whether I may need to do the same thing - I have read posts from people that are taking yoga, homeopathy, counselling, loads of different things and say it is of great help, just relaxing their mind from over-processing things.

    Perhaps once you have found a way to feel like you are coping better, you can carry on TTC at the same time as healing??? I mean, finding a way to successfully grieve may in itself enable you to carry on TTC - does that make sense??

    I think maybe the last few days has taken it;s toll on you combined with the inaccessability of your FS - and the huge F**K up they put you through - it is very very draining and your spirits must be very low - would it help if I fly over and beat them up???

    I can't think of anything else except I don't want you to be feeling so bad, which of course, is no help at all
    Love Alex
    xxxxx

  5. #131

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    Thanks Spring and Alex.

    Spring you are right. We did give up when we feel with Cooper but that was after trying for 2 years. This is my 3rd cycle but having said that I haven't even ovulated (well what I thought) to fall pg. At least last time I was ovulating but obviously just not doing it right. I haven't discussed things with DH yet. He has been out at soccer all afternoon and no doubt they are at the 'clubhouse' (pub) right now, but that's ok he needs 'his' time.

    Alex, yes I would love to take you up on the offer to beat some people up

    I think I do need counselling again.

    As most of you know I have had troubles with my twin sister and well things came to a head today so maybe that is why I am feeling down and out, exhausted, empty.........all these things. I am also worried about my mum as she is in the middle of all of this and I just wish it wasn't happening. On top of this, they are also helping my big sister with her divorce so it is quite stressful in our house-hold at the moment. I just don't want people to worry about me. I never told my mum that I was having problems falling pg last time because i didn't want her to worry. I eventually told her after 18 months because I just needed her support. She knows everything that is going on now and maybe that is why I feel like I can't continue on this TTC journey because I know how much it is hurting my mum to see me grieve for my son and not be able to help but also to see me struggle TTC. I told my mum today that I think I might put TTC on hold and she asked if I was doing that because of not putting her through it. Maybe it is. Maybe I need to tell her that I am not TTC but continue so she doesn't have to stress. I know it is a mum's job to stress and worry over their children but I just think that my mum has enough on her plate at the moment. I just want it all to go away and for everyone to be happy again.....................how do I do that?????????????

  6. #132

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    Lynn: I am sorry that things came to a head today, it must be a very emotionally charged time for you and your family. I hope it calms down soon for you.

    I know exactly how you feel about not wanting your mum to stress. I know it is a totally different situation, but last year when I found the lump in my breast on my Mum's birthday, I pretended everything was ok when I felt like my world was falling apart. I still haven't told her. Whenever I had some pinkish CM this pregnancy, I haven't told my mum, I just don't want her to worry any more.

    Perhaps telling everyone that you are having a break is a good idea. Gives you a bit of space to make up your mind about what you and DH want to do. If you do decide to keep TTC you can have the privacy you want and you don't have to be concerned that you are making your Mum worry.

    Hey and Alex, I'll back you up sista. I'll pick you up at the airport and we can kick some butt for Lynn together.

    Luv Spring

  7. #133

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    Lynnie,

    I have been searching around for some inspirational quotes, just felt like a pick me up.

    Well I found this one, not really an inspirational one, but a very true reflection I think

    In this life we get only those things for which we hunt, for which we strive, and for which we are willing to sacrifice. It is better to aim for something that you want - even though you miss it - than to get something that you didn't aim to get, and which you don't want! If we look long enough for what we want in life we are almost sure to find it, no matter what that objective may be. - George Matthew Adams

  8. #134

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    Sorry to hog the thread, but here's another one.

    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that known's not victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt
    Last edited by Spring Angel; April 14th, 2007 at 07:15 PM.

  9. #135
    Heybacko Guest

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    Lynn

    I'm a bit new to everyone's background so this is just an honest drop on what you have typed, I don't want to add to your pain but.... there seems to be SHED LOADS going on in your life with lots of family members dipping in and out (not deliberately) of your emotional reserves (god knows there must be not much left xxx)- and I will play Devil's Advocate here and say ...who is the priority???

    That sounds really harsh (and hate me if you want to xxx) but much as you want to support your big sister through her divorce, and whatever if going on with your twin, stick them on the backburner. Easier said than done, I know.... I know I sound awful but I am scared that you will be making decisions based on the effect on other people and not from the focus on YOU+DH=BUBS.

    I think I may have spoken out of turn but I am worried you will put TTC on hold because of your combined family situation and not because you (in your heart of hearts) want to - going back to counselling and throwing the WHOLE lot into the pot would put things into perspective.

    Oh I am so outspoken and probably wrong and I don't know the full story but I think there is too much in the mix for you to make the decision that TTC is the thing to wait, without working it through with someone more professional.

    Big, big, hugs
    Alex
    xxxxx

    Obv, the offer of mine and Spring's 'muscle' still stands xxxxx

  10. #136

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    Alex, thank you. I have to say that first. I will understand that you are new to this thread and what you are saying..................but thank you. I know I need to put myself first but I have always found that hard. I have the best mum and dad in the world but they are going through so much right now and are torn and are trying be there for me and my big sister. Obviously what I am going through you can't predict or expect what my big sister is going through with her divorce. But me being me, want my parents to put all their energy into my big sister because they can help her....................they can't help me to some degree. They can help me to some degree through the grieving but they can't fix it............they can help my sister. And my big sister is just beautiful, I love her so much and I want my parents to help her as do I.

    Please don't think that you have spoken out of line, I appreciate everything that my friends say, including you. My big sister wishes the world upon upon me as I do upon her.

    I didn't realise life is so hard!

  11. #137

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    Spring - thank you so much for your post they mean so much to me

  12. #138

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    It's time for a new thread - you will find the new one HERE

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