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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester May 07

  1. #19

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    Lynn, There is nothing that I can say to take away the sadness, frustration, confusion and anger you must be feeling about your results. All I can say is I'm sorry. I wish so badly that tomorrow brings some good news.

    You sound like you had an emotionally charged night on Saturday. I like Bailey chickened out so I really admire that you had the strength to go. The statistics in your post sent a shiver down my spine. Seeing that there is that many stillbirths compared to other deaths is shocking!!!. I know that you want to do as much as you can to help other people at the moment, but as a friend I also want to make sure that you are not investing too much into this just yet, and are taking care of number 1... You. You have such a caring and giving nature that I know you just want to help so much, but as I said you are the #1 honey, so just remember that you come first.



    Bailey: Yep, as Lynn said, the test line has to be as dark or darker than the control line. The good news is though, that with my tests, I found that they just seemed to get darker over the days so if you have a line which is almost as dark as the control line, then I think you should get a +ive over the next few days. Keep DTD and you are sure to catch that eggie.

    Flowerchild: Sorry to hear that you are feeling icky but symptoms are such a great thing. I hope you had a nice cool rainy day, just what you need by the sounds of it but make sure you get some rest girl, the ironing can wait.

    Klee: Thanks for thinking of Harry and I over the weekend. It is true what you say about this path shows us different sides of people, some bad and some good. As soon as people find out some tend to open up to you like the tiler. Our angels are with us forever, what a lovely thought.

    Well I'm off to pay my dogs some attention because they are getting very cranky at my lack of play-time. They keep bringing toys to me to try to pry me away for the computer.

    I'll be back later to check on y'all
    Lv Spring

  2. #20

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    Hi
    Just wanted to say congratulations tommysmum - I just noticed your ticker.

    Lynn - I am impressed that you managed to go to the ball, I don't think I would be strong enough to go there. Can I ask you a question? Were the statistics for stillborn babies inclusive of those delivered preterm? (I.e. those that only died as a result of being born too early rather than before birth.) I am asking as I lost Thomas because I went into preterm labour and I do not seem to be able to find any statistics as to how often this happens and a repeat event in subsequent pregnancies.

    Please feel free to ignore my question if you do not know or it is too sensitive a subject.

    Have a good night ladies, T.

  3. #21

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    Hey Girls,

    Tess - I hope someone can give you some info, it drives you crazy trying to do research and coming up empty handed. I was wondering if it would be worth asking your OB or someone about stats?

    Lynn - I am so sorry your results are on the go slow, but I think we should all remain extremely positive and I will keep my fingers crossed for you tomorrow You should be really proud of yourself for doing all that you did with the Stillbirth Foundation on the weekend. Those stats are really sad arent they, little babies deserve so much better than that I am glad you managed to have a nice night though.

    Spring - LOL at your dogs getting cranky, I can just imagine it - I have heard them give you grief when you are on the phone

    Tommysmum - We were extremely fortunate with the ideas people gave us to remember Nicholas. The hand and foot moulds were something recommended to us by Tobin Brothers and it is probably my most treasured possession (apart from his urn). I dont think you should regret the things you dont have, you have the memories in your head and they can never be lost. Memories are much more valuable than material things. I wouldnt trade my memories of Nicholas for anything. As painful as they can be, they are also what makes me remember that this is not a dream and he really was my baby. I hope Emily is feeling better, poor little princess.

    Deb - Hope you are feeling well, and bub is going along great. I am up to CD10 now so the time is close. To be honest it has hit me this month that I get so upset about not being UTD and then by the time I know it, it comes around again, so I dont know why I get so upset. Not that it will make any difference, I will still be a mess next time. Although a week after I O I am going to Brisbane to visit a friend and we are going to stay in Caloundra for a couple of nights so I am really just focusing on that now and I cant wait! Hopefully that will keep my eggies distracted so we can trap them and get them UTD without them knowing LOL

    Bailey - I remember something that Spring said to me early on in our TTC journey (cause we kind of started at the same time) which was that apparently to successfully get UTD you have a high change of getting it right if you just have sex every couple of days throughout the whole month. And look at her, she is over 20 weeks now! As for the OPKs they really drive me nuts so I am not one to advise. DH and I this month are just DTD every second day and if we do it that way it luckily happens to fall on CD14 whoohoo LOL

    Sarah - Nice to see you again, I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time and I wish you so much luck for TTC this month. Make sure you remember we are all hear for you when you are upset, even if it is just an avenue to get your thoughts written down and out of your head.

    Klee - So looking forward to meeting you tomorrow night... bit nervous bout what to expect at the meeting but it will definitely be nice to talk to you face to face.

    Well a few of you have commented that I seem to be alot better...

    I outed myself in another thread so now feel that I should do so here because I dont want any of you to read it somewhere else first but basically the reason I am doing better is because I am on anti-depressants. I was on them a few weeks ago (not sure if you noticed the very sudden "up" I had) and my OB told me he didnt want me to take them because of TTC so I weaned off and went downhill again. So last Monday spoke to him and said I felt like I was worse than I have ever been and he recommended an anti-depressant that he believes is safe for pregnancy and b/f (my GP gave me the other ones without my OB knowing). So they have started to kick in and I am feeling a little better. Basically, I have been diagnosed with delayed post natal depression which I have let go too far, and its gonna take some work to get on top of. I guess I didnt tell everyone because I didnt want everyone to judge me and I feel like a bit of a failure that I couldnt do it on my own. Everyone else seems to be able to do it on their own and I guess I just didnt want everyone to think less of me. But you all know now and I feel alot better cause now I can talk about it openly. I have to admit I was wondering if they were working this time but considering your comments about me being better I guess they are huh?

    Anyway, like I said I consider you all to be my friends and didnt want you to read it in the other thread when I hadnt told you about it.

    Love Mel

  4. #22
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    Just a quickie for Mel - I'll pop back to do a catch up when the schoolies have left me in (relative) peace!!

    Mel, I feel I didn't go through anything like you have been through but I think I was pretty close to having some sort of depression (my DH would say nearer than close!) and I was borderline going to ask for some help when the fog started lifting. I think admitting I was in trouble was half way to doing something about it and that is what you have done twice now. There is no element of failure about it - and you are wrong, not every one can do it on there own, it just seems like it when you are the one asking for help - part of the problem I suppose!

    Nobody in their right minds would EVER think less of you Mel

    Love Alex
    xxxx

  5. #23

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    Mel - I am sure I can speak for everyone when I say that no-one here would ever judge you. If anything, I think you are very brave for not only seeking the help you need but to come on and tell us all about it. There is nothing wrong with using what ever methods you need to use to get through this. I think you are a very brave woman and we are all here to help eachother get through this.
    Take care.
    Kel

  6. #24

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    Mel
    I agree with the others I think you are extremely brave to have asked for help. I know that I have had some very very low days (as we all have) and thought i cannot cope, but am too scared to go and see anyone for fear of what they will say or people think of me.

    I am so glad that they are helping you feel better - that way you will be able to see the light above all that fog and start helping yourself through this.

    We are here when you need to talk though - the pills are there to help as we are!
    Take care, T.

  7. #25

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    Good on you Mel for taking that step and I am so very glad you are feeling better.
    You are courageous and strong and an inspiration.
    I do know what you mean about cycle times rolling along and before we know it it is O time again... Are you going to use your opk's again this month? Everything is crossed Mel for this month for you...

  8. #26

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    Just a quickie - I am at work and only have a 3 mins until I am due back but I just wanted to say thank you to you all for your support. My morning has been shocking, I will elaborate later but basically my DH lost it on the way to work this morning at this poor guy who walked out in front of the car and started using the C word at him and everything (he doesnt use that word, in fact he hates it) and he got so angry and the look on his face scared me so much So after a massive argument he admitted that lately he feels that he cant cope and feels like we would all be better off without him. I think it is a good thing that it has happened because I always thought he was doing ok, in a way it is nice to know he is struggling as much as I am but also I feel bad that I have neglected him a little and thought about myself. Anyway, now we can move forward and try to help each other. I think the S&K meeting tonight might help both of us. And we are going to speak to someone while we are there and talk to them about any other counselling they other. I think we both are in severe need of help. As much as this morning needed to happen, it is really hard because I am a temp and I cant just go in and sit at my desk and cry and really thats all I want to do... have a big cry

    But thank you again, to come in here and see how much support I have makes it a little easier

  9. #27

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    Sorry your day started off so badly Mel - it is difficult when our DH's seem to be handling it so well. My DH does not say anything normally just sits and listens to me when I want to cry. But now and again he will say something and it is really hard to know what to say in response as it is a shock. I hope you get the advice you want from the S&K meeting tonight - you have to stick together to get through this (and you both will!).

    Thinking of you - Tess.

  10. #28

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    Hey Mel - I am sorry that you have had a bad morning and that DH lost it. I find that when my DH has his rare mini-breakdowns about it that it can be relieving to know that he feels like I do, but at the same time, it is so hard to see him upset because unlike us girls, it takes alot for them to show it. It can sometimes throw me. At least now he can get some of ot out and you guys can move forward, even if it is just one step. I hope the S&K meeting goes well for you both. I am glad to hear that he is going along too. There is only one husband at our one here and it is really great to see him there supporting his wife and to see his point of view. you will find that the first meeting is quite hard, as you tend to go through your story with new people and hear theirs also and it is very draining. But stick it out and you might feel a real sense of relief once it's over. Let us all know how you go.

  11. #29

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    Hello ladies

    Mel - I hope you are doing ok - don't feel bad about going on AD - this is not a bad thing. Post Natal can hit all of us even without a baby - it is a natural thing. So do what you have to do to make you feel better. Sorry to hear about DH this morning but it is good for him to release it. The meeting tonight will be a great help i guarantee it (it will be sad though but well worth it). Here is a big :hugs:

    Klee - enjoy your meeting too tonight and i hope that you get something out of it.

    Lynn - sorry to hear about the BT - do they explain what is going on ? Did you have to go thru all of this to conceive with Cooper ? I hope you are ok and i hope the docs sort this out for you asap and that you get better results today.

    As for the stats on deaths, stillbirths etc - just too high isn't it. I just wonder how many babies can be saved (hindsight is always good) but how long does a baby really have to "cook" for before something goes wrong. One GP i saw a couple of months back said there are 1000's of things that can go wrong that they just don't know about yet or don't have an answer for...great isn't it and we just happened to fall into that category.

    Bailey - how is the Bedding going - more DH must be copping it - good to hear ! My husband would be soooo jealous!

    Flowerchild - do you want to do my ironing ? I loathe it and cop it every week about my poor ironing skills - i mean i can't help it if his shirts get creased when i put them back in the wardrobe. I think i might go on strike How are you feeling ?

    Hello to Tess, Spring, Sarah, Alex and everyone else - hope you are having a wonderful day.

    Emily is doing a lot better but now i think she is constipated (nothing is coming out although she is letting off some mean "froggies" so something must be coming). She is hounding me for chocolate as we speak - no way missy !
    Last edited by tommysmum; May 8th, 2007 at 04:19 PM.

  12. #30

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    Hi, Sorry to be the big fat downer,but not in a good space at all. I had a 6 week scan and was told baby was fine and had a healthy heartbeat to be only told today at my 8 week scan baby had died at 7weeks 6 days. Am terribly gutted, and just wanted to let you wonderful woman who have been a fantastic support over my many losses, that I dont know what to make of it all and dont really know what Im doing anymore!Going for the dnc again. I probably wont be posting anymore, I think im at the end of my ttc days, as they dont know whats causing it, and dont seem to really want to help. All my blood test, testing of the baby etc have told them nothing.
    So to ev eryone in here, please take care, and Im sure those of you who havnt got the BFP will be getting it VERY soon. To those of you who are,I pray that all goes well and you have a healthy and happy pregnancy
    Love chelle

  13. #31

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    Oh Chelle I am so sorry... I can imagine how hideous you are feeling and I am so sorry my love... :hugs:
    Please come in and get the support you need to heal through this time.
    Nothing I am saying is truly reflecting how awful I feel for you ... Big big hugs and take good care ...

  14. #32

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    Deb, You have no idea just how much those words meant. Tears definately flowed, and the more I do that the little bit better I feel, so thankyou very much...I just have to make it through the night! tommorow is a new day!

  15. #33

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    Chelle my sweet, I am so so sorry for your loss :hugs:

    It is just not fair when these horrible things happen to such wonderful people.

    I am thinking of you, your family and your angel baby. Take care and know that you are not alone.

    With love and friendship.
    Lv Spring :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

  16. #34

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    Mel: I am not sure if you saw my post last night but I just wanted to send you big brave girl

    I am proud of you for getting the help you need and I am also happy that you trust us enough to share.

    Lynn: I am not sure if you feel like posting but I just want to say I hope you had wonderful results today. We are here for you whether the news be good or not so good :hugs:


    Big lv
    Spring

  17. #35
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    Chelle
    I know it won't ease the pain but I'm sending you big hugs and much love
    Remember everyone is thinking of you and your DH
    I hope the night is kind to you and brings strength and hope
    Much love
    Alex
    xxx

  18. #36

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    Chelle I am so so sorry. Life is just so unfair and cruel and I'm sorry that you have to go through this again. If you need the support, know that we are all here for you. If you need your own space then we understand. Take care, thinking of you and your family :hugs:

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