Gigi hun *hugs* I can totally understand, you need to get that out! Of course her birthdays are always a reminder of your labour. I spent alot of time grieving my first labour. One thing I try to do is grieve my labour day the day before her birthday, so there isn't an association with her on birthday being a sad day for mummy.

Don't feel guilty! We haven't organised anything for Jovie either, which is why I'm making my dairy free cupcakes & DH is taking the day off work to go to the park together before we leave.
I think small is great with a few friends. The babies won't remember and may have a picture of cake ot remind them I understand why some people have a bigger celebration, but we won't be.

ewwww Nelly!!! another pootastrophie!