What would make you want more sex after having a baby?

[wysiwyg]

I voted More time with girlfriends / own passions or hobbies but it wouldn't be time with girlfriends it would be own hobbies because they also tend to give me alone time. I thought about sleep because definitely lacking sleep post baby - but actually thinking about it I don't find lack of sleep a hindrance to sex because I find sex helps to wind down and get some good sleep - so is extremely rare that I would feel too tired because I know I always sleep better after.

[Calluna]

Is there an option for "all of the above"? The only one that doesnt apply to me is more attention/ touch. They are all equally important to me too so m not sure I could choose just one...

[meow]

I think hormones is the biggest factor for me. After both pregnancies I have had no libido until my period returns. I voted for sleep though as that seems to be the second biggest factor. Sometimes I will desperately want to have sex with my husband as a way of being close to him and demonstrate my affection but I can't even bring myself to touch him because I'm so dog-tired I just want to roll over and sleep.

[Jellyfish]

I voted 'more quality/talking time with your partner' but thinking about it that is probably because I already got a lot of support and understanding in the way of sleep, having alone time, housework and my role. I think lots of different things are important in fostering a return to a healthy sex life, but particularly worth noting for me is the difficulty in going straight from mum stuff to partner stuff so having time with DP to unwind, chat/debrief and hang out no pressure helps me to switch gears so to speak.

[BellyBelly]

Just more on what meow was saying - yes hormones while breastfeeding can kill your libido: Libido and Breastfeeding - Whats Happened To My Sex Drive Now I Am Breastfeeding?

I am writing an article which will mention that, but also tying in all the common complaints women have about their men wanting sex and not understanding why.

Lots of great responses here, thank you Please do share as much as you feel comfortable, appreciate the contributions!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I think for me it's more difficult where he doesn't understand that there is no libido!
I can be 'coaxed' into being interested in sex if I am well-slept, the house is clean, not exhausted, kids not on my nerves, had alone time etc... all of those factors are sure to weigh in on whether or not I 'go through with it', if that makes sense.
I am blessed with a husband who is understanding and respectful of my desires (or lack thereof) and does not push the issue, allowing me the time and space to want it (and this is a lot to do with sexual assualt and trauma in the past).

However, when all of the factors above are good and well, and I still don't want it - well that I can't explain and that he can't understand... breastfeeding, depression, implanon ... who knows. Look forward to the article though

[Catherine]

i think that the normalness of low libido needs to be better accepted...hormonal issues (which can lead to PND)...things like getting more exercise, help to make sure everyone is eating and sleeping well, and overall health being considered helps increase libido...then the issue becomes about creating opportunity for closeness. So I can't pick one thing from the poll.

I think communication is key. Having a partner willing and able to talk about, understand and accept mismatched libidos. Working out a solution together so that both partners feel loved, supported and fufilled. It is not about sex - that might be a bandaid for a day, a week...a month...but without communication it will be cyclic frustration.

I could just need more sleep though.

[BellyBelly]

Got that covered in the article already It's close to being published, just wanted to add comments and percents to back it up

I think so many problems could be solved with more sleep

[Ladylove]

I can't see the poll on my phone but I had a significant loss of libido after DD was born which pretty much lasted until I got my cycles back at 10 months (I'm breastfeeding) so for me I think hormones had a lot to do with it.

That said couple time away from baby is always good for us in terms of reconnecting, that would be my main thing.

Sleep or lack thereof has never been an issue for me.

[Rowellen]

Nothing! After a day with a baby (or even a 2yo & 4yo!), I DO NOT want to be touched in any way whatsoever.

[luna moth]

Less hormones! When I'm breastfeeding and not ovulating I am just not interested.

[~clover~]

I think after mine, sleep, followed by more help around the house were the biggest things.

More understanding & attention from your partner to bring back self confidence, & time to yourself/with girlfriends & to just do the things you love are big too.

I've now pretty much been 18 months without, so if someone looked at me the right way I'd probably be good to go!
But self confidence is a huge thing here & a big reason (ok, probably the only reason) I've been 18 months without...

[phebee]

I'm very much in the over-touched boat. And DH touches me in a horny way all day. It drives me batty and has the opposite effect that he wants. It puts me off.

[HotI]

Can you let him know, phebee?

[Saffy]

Its hormones for me too, can't be bothered and my orgasm has left the building.
Coupled with the knowledge that it is still a bit sore arouind my epis site when we do it and the fact I go to bed at 8.30 and DD not napping at all during the day, its just not happening.
DH is good though, he isn't hassling me at all.
Nice to know libido comes back when your period does though, I didn't know that.

[~TT40~]

easy choice here, I said 'more alone time' but when I say that I mean alone time with dh. we are both in the mood and keen for it 90% of the time but can never sneak away just us two long enough to do it!!

[Teeki]

easy choice here, I said 'more alone time' but when I say that I mean alone time with dh. we are both in the mood and keen for it 90% of the time but can never sneak away just us two long enough to do it!!

I reckon you'd appreciate The Quickie Window!

ETA: Never mind, just realised that link is a bit commercial with the sponsors. You can probably search it though

[~TT40~]

I reckon you'd appreciate The Quickie Window!

ETA: Never mind, just realised that link is a bit commercial with the sponsors. You can probably search it though

lol, yep, that is exactly it! =)