BW, you know I think the world of you and admire your strength and the courage you've shown throughout the whole ordeal of trying to have a baby. I just wanted to say that upfront. BUT (and I might become extremely unpopular for saying this) I do think that your FS has your best interests at heart and I do agree with a lot of what he's said. Yes, it is his job to get you pregnant, but it is also his job to monitor your emotional and mental state and to decide how both of those things may impact on your treatment and a possible pregnancy.

You know that when we lost our little angel I was in a very bad way mentally and emotionally for quite a while. I did go to see a psychologist and the first thing she told me was that it would be a very bad idea to go into a new pregnancy feeling the way I did. I think there is a lot of truth in that, and I know that you have said you aren't ready yet yourself. Pregnancy after a loss is hard. We both know that women who have suffered a loss or who have undergone AC (and unfortunately we fall into both of those categories - lucky us ) are at an increased risk of post natal depression. I think it is waaaaay over the top for your FS to claim you WOULD get it, but it is something to be considered nonetheless.

I do completely understand your need to KNOW why you lost your caterpillar but I am worried that if you pin too much hope on that happening, you may end up very disappointed. The sad fact is most of us will never know what happened or why it happened. Yes, it is a great idea to go and talk to Dr S and get his opinion based on your medical history, and I support you 100% in doing that, but I don't want you to be terribly disappointed if he cannot give you the answers. While I acknowledge that our situations are very different, I have discussed my m/c with him several times and while he has his suspicions about what happened, no one can ever tell me for sure, not even him. I do completely understand that you need to hear what he has to say and to rule out any physical reasons before you can move forward and like I said, I support you 100% in this.

I'm also glad that you're not going to change clinics. While your FS' bedside manner has left a lot to be desired at times, I do think he is genuinely concerned for your overall well being, not just getting you pregnant, and that's the way it should be.

I hope that seeing Dr S can give you what you need to feel better and to feel in control of the situation again so that you can move forward to another cycle soon.

I am truly sorry that you are having such an awful time with this. I wish it were easier for you and I hope I haven't said anything to upset you further. Big, big