Sussanah,

I am so so sorry to hear of your loss - nothing right now will take away your pain - just cry sweetie get it out, rant rave do what ever you wish right now its your right. Life sure isn't fair sometimes.
In time the pain will not be so raw but you learn to live with it in some strange way - i still cry over my angels at times and the sadness is still there. Oh sweetheart all i can do is send you a prayer to help you get thru this time. BE kind to yourself and don't rush things - everyone deals with greif in different ways - all i wanted to do was cry until i could cry no more. I am thinking of you.