MrsDex - Thankyou! I am soldering on. DH and I are not at work today. Just took time time out for the twins EDD tomorrow 20th Jan. We bought some trees today to plant tomorrow. They are trees that survive on neglect, as gardening is not our strong point, but we seem to manage to grow these ones ok. It's so nice just chilling out at home with the 3 fur babies and DH. How are you doing?
Mrsdex & Dory - Just wanted to give you both BIIIIG 's!
I've had 3 unexplained m/c's and a D&C after developmental broblems were discovered in my first preg, and now I have healthy 1yr old. I just wanted to let you both know that there is always hope, even when nothing is going right and it seems like the whole world and all the doctors are against you.
Dory - I'm praying that your precious little bubba stays Sticky!
Mrsdex - I'm praying that you get your sticky BFP very very soon!
Thanks JennaJayen.....I am hoping this time will be different, and also hoping that Mrs Dex getrs her BFP very soon. It's nice to hear that there are positive outcomes.
No problem Dory, I'd do anything to help if I could
We're just starting month 5 of TTC #2, so there's always that fear that something will go wrong if we do get that elusive BFP, especially with my history. I was so certain last cycle that I was utd, even had 1 very faint pos line at 13dpo, but every test after that was negative, and AF arrived at 15dpo, so I'm left wondering if maybe I had a chemical preg... I've never had a chemical preg before, so it's a bit odd.
Enough of my vent lol, wishing you all the best
Last edited by JennaJayen; January 20th, 2010 at 05:43 PM.
: removing sig
The tree planting sounds lovely! I hope you & hubby shared a super special day remembering... & healing...
Thanks for calling in Jenna! Seems you have had quite the hard road too... But your story is one of hope, thank you for sharing it with us. Dory needs all the encouragement she can get at the minute!
Dory, I have had a week filled with mixed emotion... Another loss @ 4w 1d BUT that pushed me over the edge (in a good way) I have contacted Sydney IVF & have a phone consultation booked with Dr Gavin Sacks on Feb 23! Quicker than I can even be seen at the hospital after all the drama! So I am very very excited & hope that somehow the universe will turn around in our favour soon!
How are you??? Whats the latest.... Thinin of you ALL the time!
Mrsdex - I'm so sorry for your loss darl! But glad you've got that appointment now too! I'm praying that you get the answers and help you need to have a happy, healthy & most importantly STICKY pregnancy!
I wish I had this recipe that my oma swears by - she says everyone who had had repeated m/c's when she was a in her 20's over in germany saw this one doctor in a city called stuttgardt (sp?). That doctor gave them all a recipe that involved whole chickens cooked in a special way to produce a certain broth (possibly for the trace elements and minerals?). Apparently all those women (must have been at least 20 of them, my oma tends to over-exagerate things a bit and makes out that it was hundreds, but we've come to realise hundreds usually means 20 or so) went on to full term and had healthy babies (one of my oma's cousins was one of those babies). They had to take the broth with at least one meal a day from ttc to birth. Pity she lost the recipe when she moved to Australia, as it couldn't hurt to try it too, even if it's only for those trace elements and minerals.
Mrs Dex - oh my sweetie. What a hard path you have to walk. I am so sorry.On the up side I am really pleased you have an appointment with Dr Sacks so quickly. I called his rooms, but didn't end up taking it any further, not yet anyway. It's ironic isn't it. One of the things that I consoled myself with early on in this journey, was that I could fall pregnant quickly. Maybe after the first loss, those thoughts are comforting, but not now. I have heard that he is simpl the most amazing Dr who has such empathy and compassion. Hopefully you will find him that way too. Be interesting to see what it's like to have a phone consult.
Thankyou for taking the time to ask about me, in your very tumultuous week.
The tree planting was good, but not quite the way I imagined it. DH took over, but that's because he didn't want me doing anything crazy. Guess I am not the only one on tenterhooks. Anyway, I thought he was cranky with me and he wasn't. So at the time it took the edge off, but we talked about it, and it was ok in the end. Besides, I can't expect him to comply with some fantasy I have about how something will happen if I don't actually tell him what my expectations are. So in the end, it actually worked out better than I expected.
No real news here. I felt very queasy all day on Thursday, and thought I was going to puke heaps of times, including once on my boss. I have started to carry some vom bags with me, just in case. Luckily I didn't puke n my boss. The nausea finally just disappeared when I got home from work. DH and I went for a walk together in the evening which was lovely and I just enjoyed it. But I did manage to invoke the ire of one of my aunts. We were to go over to her house for my cousins birthday. I rang near the time we were to be there, feeling pretty miserable, and said I was feeling sick so wasn't coming. She just got cranky at me. I am not sure how I feel about that. It upset me, and I am annoyed, but maybe she was annoyed because she made food for us. But I hardly ever renge so I am not sure what's going on. It's just annoying to try and navigate other peoples emotions when mine are so fragile.
I suppose the one thing that is on my mind lately, is I have a real fear of an ectopic pregnancy. I don't know why, but I do. It's almost an irrational fear. I win the mental battle with it most times, but was awake for 2 hours from 2am this morning. I didn't realise I was worrying about it at first.
It's so exciting to get the BFp even if it is faint, but still so demoralising when it doesn't stick......
Depending on your discussion Dr Sacks might want to take a uterine biopsy which can only be done on certain days of your cycle. Not sure which days.
Go gently my friend. I am thinking of you and sending big cat hugs your way.
JennaJayean - I actually can't answer any of your questions...... but luckily Mrs Dex did.
Sorry I have not posted for a while! I have managed to drown myself in work latley...
I hope all is progressing well... I'm dying to know how you are!
Really looking forward to our appointment with Gavin! I think he will arrange the biopsy, so looks like we are heading to Sydney for a few days, hopefully soon!
I hope your past the etopic fears... I know its a worry, but your one strong soul! So hang in there!...
Sending you all of my
Sometimes its good to distract yourself with something else - like work. Even though I am not as passionate about work as I once was, it has been a welcome distraction for me. Gives me something to think about beyond myself.
I am going ok.... I have mostly found some inner peace about this pregnancy. Although today I thought I had some bleeding or amniotic leakage, when it was neither! I still have some residual fear of an ectopic pg. Not sure why. Maybe because I have some niggley pains every so often, and some the other symptoms. Which are also symptoms of pregnancy for me. This fear will be put to rest when I have my appointment with the obstetrician this Friday! I wonder what will be the next worry? Probably that what has gone before will come again.... but in a way, as sad as it is if it were t happen, it would be something I know I can come through?
When I re- read what I have typed it seems that I am really worrying, but that is deceptive. Actually, I am not as worried as I thought I would be. I thought I would be beside myself and would be unable to function. I was initially, but now I am not really that worried.
I suppose there is very little I can do to change what will happen, so its best just to enjoy it, or try to. It can be hard to "enjoy" morning sickness, although having said that I try not to let the pregnancy inconveniences affect me, because after all, I am pregnant.
The other thing I thought of the other day was that each moment of the pregnancy is unique and one I will never have again in this pregnancy. It gives me a real sense of wonder that there is a little one growing and developing inside me. It's hard to explain. But I cherish the moments.
Is that what having a strong soul is about?
Not too long to 23 Feb! Have your cycles normalised yet? What day of your cycle will you be when you see Gavin?
My BF just had a bioposy. She has had a rough time these past 4 years. Long journey to conceive, 2 spontaneous pregnancies but both miscarried, the second it appears because of cervical issues at 14 weeks gestation. We had a miscarriage on the same day a year apart. She's gone down the IVF path, with 3 stimulated cycles and 1 frostie, none of which been successful. She will get her results in about 2 weeks. She didn't go to Gavin but her FS recommended the bioposy and has prescribed prednisone. I would have never imagined that we would have some much to talk about and that we would have shared so much heartache. But we do. i have got to get the courage up to tell her about this pg. I didn't initially, despite wanting to, because pretty much the day the pg was confirmed, she told me that she was really struggling with the IVF failures. I am not worried she react badly to my news, I know she will be happy, but she's a toughie and for her to say she is struggling means she's doing it tough. I couldn't tell her when she was doing it that tough. I know I have had a hard road, and she often says, she doesn't know how I have coped, but the one thing I haven't had to cope with is trouble conceiving and I haven't been through IVF. But by not telling her I feel like a liar and a fraud.
Anyway, don't forget your life outside of work! I am excited about your appointment too. It would be nice if there were some answers that follow the appointment and even more important than that, a sticky BFP.
DH and I saw a good friend today ( in transit at the airport, who lives in Chicago) and it was good to see him. I was a bit worried about going to the airport and exposure to all the germs. But in the end I did it. This arvo I was so tired that I had a really good deep sleep for about 3 hours. It was so indulgent.
I haven't been sleeping that well lately, pretty much during this pg, so have a good sleep, even i during the day was just so good. I can tell I am a lot more cranky that I usually am, and I can't blame the hormones, I can feel the tiredness contrbuting!
Anyway, I could probably rabbit on all night! Hope you are well. Look forward to hearing from you soon, or at least before your appointment! Take care.
Well yes, work has been a welcomed distraction to say the least! I actually took on a new position only during the week leading upto my last m/c... In the view that I need to continue some sort of normality & at least regain some satisfaction in the career field should attempt #5 not be successful. I felt I had lost touch with that side of myself amongst all the happenings sine our wedding last May. We never anticipated me returning to work after we returned from our honeymoon, but then's the breaks. I had to take stock of something I have control over. Yep... control freak from way back! Lol!
"Growing Niggles" will always be of huge worry to you when your in the boat your in... But remember them as just that "Growing Niggles" I'm glad to hear that you have grown stronger in the "dealing with pregnancy department" as time has passed & I do hope it continues to ease more & more with passing time :-)
Your right, this pregnancy is unique! Its amazing, wonderous & exciting! Do cherish the moments & you are entitled to do so. Regardless of any circumstances, you are a mother. A mother filled with hope & dreams... & you are certainly should allow yourself to enjoy it.
And yes, thats exactly what being a strong soul is all about!
3 hour afternoon sleep!!!???!?!?! I am soooo jealous! But good for you! Rest when you can & whenever you feel the need. Soon you will be sleep deprived!
Your not a fraud nor a liar, you are saving sharing with your BF for the most appropriate time for the most approprite reasons. My BF had to share her news with me that she found herself "accidentally" pregnant after a very short relationship with her BF, they had only just moved in together after a rocky 12 month long distance relationship... I had just suffered my 3rd loss from memory . I found hearing the news easy to dea with, I was not suprised actually (after all not using any contraception can very well cause that!) However she suffered from Blighted Ovum in her 9th week, after telling the world she was pregnant... Poor kid. I actually found counciling her hard, I understood her loss & pain, but struggled to help her through. I was not being selfish, I just couldnt deal with it. I had my whole world in pieces & neded to find my way through it all before I would be able to be the BF that made everything better for someone else again. I never even told her about my 4th & 5th pregnancys or losses that came with them until she questioned me. Regardless, we still are the best of mates. Harder now she has moved interstate... But our friendship will always remain. We don't regularly discuss my ordeal anymore like we used to, since her loss, but I'm ok with that & if she wants details, she will ask. After all she may find it as hard to hear about my ordeal as I did hers...
I am looking forward to the appointment more than a kid looking forward to Santa arriving! AF is due Feb 14 & funnily enough my cycle has remained perfect thruout this all. 28days like clockwork even after m/c! Another reason I need to consider myself lucky! We have not stopped "activley trying" & as long as we are in this race, we won't. I don't want to ever wonder "what if" so for now its 110% or nothing at all. Hubby is just brilliant & actually encourages us soildering on, so I have enough love & support to keep me going. I'm blessed...
I can't possibly imagine falling PG again this month - that would be 6 attempts & 6 times in a row afterall - I'm sure thats not heard of?!?
I told hubby yesterday not to even look at me becuase I was Ovulating - We had a good laugh... Seems thats all it ever has taken us. Again... I'm blessed!
Rabbit on all you like! I love to read your posts!
I would LOVE to hear from you after Friday's OB visit if your feeling up to it! I'm just busting to hear any news!
wow - thankyou so much for the words of encouargment. 6 for 6 is amazing. I have nt heard of it. but then again I don't ask.
well no scan for me on Friday as I had one yesterday instead because of a scare with some bleeding and passing a some clots. Anyway, ob said to come right in and I expected to hear sad news, but instead got teh news that eveyrthing looked great and got to see the little sprite on the ultrasound screen. So amazing.
Am home on "rest" now, and it can be challenging. My mind is not active or distracted so I have more opportunity to let my thoughts get ahead of me. Mostly I am pretty good but I have my moments.
Anyway the scare yesterday was the impetus I needed to tell my BF. She said she thought something was up but we are both so sensitive to one another we don't ask. It's kind of ironic that I felt more comfortable telling her in the context of a threatened loss. But at least I don't feel like I am lying anymore. I know I am not, but it felt that way. It's sad that you BF had a BO (that sounds funny when its typed like that, I meant blighted ovum) but maybe it works for you both not to talk about it. it's pretty hard, and I DO know what you mean about getting yourself right and strong before you take on anyone else. I have learnt to put myself first when I need to. Like yesterday. I was at work and just left rather abruptly because I knew I needed to and begged of some family emergency and that I didn't know when I would be back. Pretty dramatic at the time.
I ended up telling a couple of people at work yesterday given that's where my world first stopped for a few hours yesterday, as I was probably not acting like myself at all.
I am excited for you for your appointment! I am so glad your DH is so supportive. I know somethings I mumble about mine ( usually to myself) but really he is a star. It was good for him to see some "evidence" of the sprite, rather than just having a queasy tired hungry and probably moody wife to contend with.
I am so keen to hear how your appointment with Gavin goes...... hmm I just had an interesting slip. i thought your appointment was 23 feb for a moment. That is a date of significance for me, but isn't your appointment 19 feb?
Oh well better try and get some shut eye. It just didn't really happen last night or even during m rest today, Kept getting ph calls.
Wow it is 23 Feb. I am surprised I don't remember thinking of the significance of the date for me before! I really will be thinking of you that day and hoping for good news.
I met my precious Amelia on 23 Feb last year and it was the most amazing, yet bittersweet moment of my life. I never expected to feel such love for my little girl, in the circumstances where I knew that she would not survive. But it was truly an amazing time for DH and I and we were so blessed and honoured. I think from that moment on we both believed and felt in our hearts we were parents.
I hope that my special day becomes one for you too.
You WONT believe it....... 6 for 6! I just could not wat to get back in here to tell you!
Only 8dpo today & extremley faint reading, however even DH confirmed that I am not seeing things! So you may not have heard of it before, but you have now!
So gosh, here we go again... Will life be any kinder than normal for a change?!?
With a bit of luck HCG will improve & we will begin getting dark positives & might even require a trip to the GP - Wow! Imagine that! Then we might even make it past 5w 1d!!!
Time will tell...
When you talk of Amelia, I can feel the love you have for her, it is just beautiful! I am so pleased you have fond memories to cherish
And sooo pleased you talked to your BF, no matter what the circumstances. I'm sure you feel much better now about the situation & I hope it brings you both close as ever.
How are you feeling after your fright? Are you coping???... You poor dear, I can only imagine how frightening i must have been for you. Hang in there.
My appointment certainly is the 23rd of Feb! It still could be a very special day yet... If I was to manage by some miracle to carry this pregnancy I would be 5w 2d! The furthest I will have made it in 12 years. But I certainly will have my fingers crossed regardless & I will be thinking of you too x x x
OK so I'm crawling into bed in a hurry tonight, sooooo tired!
Hope all is well & will keep you up to date. Be strong
Phew - I am now calm enough to type some more. Congratulations! Oh beautiful girl, I know how exciting this is and also how scary. For you the early times do seem to be the tough times. I am so hoping you make it to 23 Feb! Only way to get there is one day at a time.
Happy Valentines day my sweet. I hope you are still tired. Take care of yourself!
How are you going emotionally and how is your head going with this journey?
Anyway, I have had a tough week. No more scares, but I went to work, and it was really tough. I was so tired and felt miserable. I realised a few things about myself ( esp my tendency to put others/work first) and realised I had no option but to give up work. So On Thursday I gave my "notice" , collected my medical certificate on Friday and tomorrow is my last day. I will be on unpaid sick leave until hopefully mat leave kicks in and then I won't be back for over 2 years. I am going to make a claim for income protection insurance, but if it isn't approved I can take my 9 weeks annual leave at half pay or long service leave ( which I became entitled to on pro rata basis to take as leave but not be paid out on, on Friday!) So financially, there is some comfort on the horizon, but in the end it doesn't matter. That I have made the decision is such a relief. I hadn't been sleeping well - waking for 1-5 hours per night! Last night I slept through for the first time since I don't remember when. So obviously a good decision! I am worried about how I will cope with resting but that's something I will deal with on a day by day basis and will start to think about on Tuesday! I am not on strict bed rest yet, so I have some latitude to go gently and am not bed/house bound. Doesn't mean I can trip the light fantastic either.
Hmm, I love each of my angels, but Amelia opened me up to experiences I had never had before and didn't expect to have. Sometimes there is that intense sentimental attachment to a "first" experience.
I was saying to my husband tonight " I wonder how Dory is, havent spoken to her in a few days" just before loging in,so it is great to see you have been & how you are going!
Wow, I don't think leaving a job ever sounded so complex!?! So much for you to juggle... But it clearly is the best thing for you & yours at the moment & that is the one & only thing that matters. I'm sure you will manage to keep yourself entertained & I'm really pleased to hear that you have not had any more frights! And Dory, so you should care about yourself! If work & people are draining you of your good will, cut them loose! You need your energy & care for people in your life that deserve it.
Sleepless nights sound like hard work... What is it that is keeping you from resting love?
Deprivation is horrible
Well, things are looking quite positive for us for a change. Strongest BFP's we have ever got & as strong as they possibly can get 11,12 & 13 DPO. Postive Digital 13 DPO (Measures 50+ HCG so YIPEE!) Docs visit for HCG test yesterday & urine. Doc laughed because my wee was so pathetic!?! Lol, weakest sample she had ever seen as far as she was concerned & since I was only 13 dpo, she doubted that the test would even get a positive, BUT it did, fainter than mine at home but she said between the sample & the fact that I was ony 13 DPO she thought it was very reassuring. I couldnt help myself & retested this morning & again all was fine, so I'm trying to ban myself from testing!
I really feel optimistic for a change, I told my DH today that I know I'm not 'allowed' to get excited, but for the first time I actaully feel hope. And not once have we had the chance of hope before. So, results Tuesday morning & a retest. I have everything crossed for a good HCG at least around the 50 mark & another doubled increase when we re test & get more results Thursday. Then we just need to wait it out to the 6 week mark for a scan, but I'm confident we can do it.
I feel great, I'm bouncing off the walls & I'm filled with anticipation...
I too hope you had a great Valentines Day gorgeous! Spoil yourself rotten!
I'm off to bed for a change lol, something I have seen alot of this week!
Take care, rest up & I hope you sleep blissfully xox
Sweetie - I think I was worried about working and about the pregnancy? Last night I had the best sleep in ages, Still woke up to go to the loo, but no trouble falling asleep.
Go with being excited! Things are looking good. I don't think you protect yourself by not getting excited, I think all that happens is you make yourself miserable, so the misery just lasts for longer. Besides, this is the time that you have with this bub. How sad to look back and think that you never got the chance to enjoy it and the wonder that is the little bub starting a long journey inside you, surrounded by your love.
Anyway, that's how I think. If you can think like that, then that's good. If you can't help but be miserable, then so be it. But I don't think you'll be miserable.....
I know its so hard, especially in the early phases. I seem a lot more content now, despite the scare. The scare made me realise that I really wanted this pg and I wanted to enjoy it, as much as I could whilst I have the miracle of life growing in me.
My next scheduled app is 16 March. Seems like ages away, but I think I will be ok.
So glad to hear you slept well, clearly you needed it & if leaving work has already made such a difference it was a super wise move.
I'm certainly going with 'excitement' My HCG result today from 12dpo was 125! I am just beside myself... The expected levels for 13 dpo are 7 - 70 with a median average of 37 according to the lab that processed my test so I am without doubt the happiest girl on the planet! I have been re tested today (Yep, looking much like a pin cushion now!) & will get those results on Thursday. I know I could call & get them tomorrow, but I really so feel content with just seeing the gp & finding out Thursday. My levels have only ever been in the 20's wether it be at 14dpo or 21dpo, so I'm holding out for the best! But I tested yesterday again (POAS addict - BUT obny because I am so in the habit of tracing results to research possible causes of RM) & within 30 seconds I had a positive on a digital, in the late arvo after drinking MUCH water all day & then FR today too with immediate positive line & it was as dark as the test line! These things have never happened for us before, so we do have every reason to be excited. Finally progress...
Um, your right... March 16 seems like FOREVER away, you poor love... But surely you have that appointment then becuase it is needed then & not now. A great sign that all is moving along nicely!
So your off work now then? How are you finding your first days? Ooohh, all the things you can do... But as much or as little as you like! Perfect!
How are the fur babies? My Boofa dog had an op on Saturday. He burst a blood vessel in his ear lobe & it blew up like a balloon! So $1100 later. We have a sad dog with a bucket on his head! Trying to feed him is however slightly amusing lol. He had no co ordination without the bucket, so I cant help but giggle!
And thank you for your beautiful words, it means so much. I always look forward to being in touch! Your messages time & time again have helped me more than you can possibly imagine, even DH needs to know the latest! He actually just walked in, saw me with the lap top & said the regular (Typical cheeky male remark...) So hows Dora the Explorer? I replied with the regular - ITS DORY, like the fish! Lol. He is terrible with names & seems to have nick named you with the easiest thing he can remember! So thank you for sharing your experiences with me Dory. You gave us reason to hope when we needed it most.
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