MrsDex - awesome. I know what you mean about indulging. Before pg, I could usually resist most tempations. Now I think about them A LOT. I still manage to say no, most of the time, but it is tiring and a few things creep in. With being on what is really modified bed rest, I have to be careful, otherwise I will be a super puffer fish! And that bump will be lazy bump and not baby bump! I have to say I am a BIG fan of brocoli - I have it most nights. I just love it.
You must be 6 almost 7 weeks by now?
Good luck with your scan - mine is Tuesday 16th and I see my ob as well the same day. I have been tempted to call for a reassurance scan, but I felt the need most keenly when I had gastro and couldn't go in. Typical. Now I can go in, I am not so worried.
Jenna - OMG - that is an encouraging sign! I don't know how you can wait til Sat. I would go and get a test and do it, and then still do the test on Sat with DH!!
AFM - I am a bit bored today. Didn't end up having quiche because I thought I would just go gently and avoid milk and eggs for another day. Had planned to have steak, but Dh worked really late, and I ended up having soup and bread by my lonesome. Oh well DH assures me he won't be so late tonight.
I did do something I have been meaning to do for ages though today. I finally cleaned up my sports gear that was sitting in the bathtub. You won't beleive this, since MAY 09! OMG, I can't believe its been that long. All I had to do, was empty the bags, put them in the washer, put the balls in the ball bag and throw out the packets of tissues, dirty strapping tape, mints, bits of paper and pens. I still need to clean my boots, but they are in the laundry waiting for my next bout of inspiriation. I try not to do too much and this took 5 mins even at my slow rate and I just feel so good now that its done. DH can now get in there and give it a good clean. And then? I can have a bath if I want to. Get some candles and nice music going.. ahhhh
Phew! I know I don't have 2 uterus! I had a proceedure to check out my internals, and its all good. Imagine that? No thanks.
Jenna - I have been offline and missed your post. Have you tested again? I am glad you relented and tested again..... but that's just me. Hope you're doing ok.....
MrsDex - how you doing?
AFM - wow I had a massive weekend. On Friday DH and I drove "2" ( which turned into 3 because of traffic and we even left early to take into account the traffic) to attend my step father's 60th. It was a really good night, even though I spent only about 2 hours all up, at the party and the rest, either resting in a quiet room or laying down. It was nice to wake up the next day and be able to talk to my family, and just take it easy. No hangover for me! Then DH took me to the beach. The weather was wild and woolly and the tide was out so it was a long walk to the beach, so we just sat on a seat and took in the beach, got rained on and even saw someone get pulled out in a rip, but they managed to find their way back in to the shore 250m further along than where he first got in to the water. We drove home on Saturday and it was a good quick trip but I was tired. Then on Sunday I rested and went out for drinks to celebrate my cousins partners birthday. It was nice and relaxed, and I enjoyed my cranberry and sodas. But boy oh boy, was I tired. Today I slept for 2 1/2 hours. It doesn't sound like much compared to what I used to do, but now, my weekend was tiring.
I have a scan tomorrow and then later the same day, I see my ob. I must be excited and anxious about it. For the past two mornings I have woken excited thinking, I have got to get ready for the scan.... I am nervous that I will get news I don't want to hear at the scan, but excited too, at the prospect of seeing our little chicken again.
Tomorrow's ob appointment is also significant as from now on I will be seeing him weekly, and we will be discussing management of the pregnancy including whether to get a cerclage or not..... Big decisions for me, as at the moment, there are no clear indicators either way and risks both ways. Oh well guess I will cross that bridge tomorrow.
Mrs Dex! Awesome news. I have decided to embrace it and capture all the joy I can from this happy time, because god knows they have are hard earnt. Why be miserable and expect the worst ( well deep down I do, but I know I can overcome it). I will not lie down and be cowed by fear and anxiety.
Here are the details - 159 bpm! 6.9cm long and the cervix is 38mm and a 1 in 3599 risk of downs. All in all, a very good result. Made the sleepless night last night worth it.
DH and I have been in our own little world of bliss today, real bliss. It's not been a feeling we have both felt so strongly for such a long time. It was so nice to see real joy and Dh's eyes and body language. Reminds of the hard road we've both travelled. I suppose I talk and think about my feelings so much sometimes I forget DH has suffered so much pain too. if we could bottle this moment and just pour some out when we needed it, we would.
We now have a big decision to make - to stitch or not, when its not clearly medically indicated. I am trying to get an appointment with my counselor to see if I have missed anything in my thought processes about the "stitch". I am no further along in my decision making..... more questions and a few more days to think it through.
Anyway, time to spend some more time hugging DH.
Hope you are well. I am! Nausea has returned together with an almost insatiable hunger. I am ravenous all the time, except maybe half hour to an hour after eating. Must not be eating the right things today.
I started bleeding early in the morning of 18dpo... the day after that BFN that was actually a faint positive. I had thought that I could see a faint line around the 7 min mark, but wasn't sure, and at home I was too tired and the light was too dim to see it properly.
I opened it up the next morning and it was a definate BFP, not an evap line. So that's another angel gone.
So anyway, the bleeding started as light with lots of black clots, the next 2 days it was very heavy with lots of black clots, and day 4 it started light with a few black glots and then tapered off to spotting by the evening. One bit of pink on the TP this morning and thats it, nothing since. It was similar with the chem in Jan, only no clots then.
Normally I have a 6-7 day AF, so 4 and a bit days is very short. I think I'm going to have to make another appointment with my doctor, because this can't be a good thing.
I'm still cramping too, on both sides around my ovaries, which can't be good either.
DH and I are taking a 2 month break from the TTC roller coaster. I'm starting to get depressed again, so I need this time to get my head back in the right place and start eating healthier and exercising more.
I'll still be checking up on you two, following your pregnancies It makes me feel a bit better knowing that someone (like both of you) who has lost so much can have a miracle.
You guys are my hero's atm, you've been through so much to get to where you are now, and you're stronger women for it. I admire you both greatly.
Wishing you both very sticky, happy & healthy babies!
Jen - xoxo
Oh sweetie. My heart just goes out to you. Please go talk to your Dr, and if needed get a second opinion. I don't really understand too much about chemical pregnancies, but a loss is a loss. I know you will need time to heal so I totally support you're having a break. But still do pop in?
Thanks for saying those kind words. I honestly don't think that anything I have done is worthy of admiration. All I have done is put one foot in front of the other and tried my best to find a way through the inconceivable journey I now find myself on. We all do it in our own ways, you are doing it now. Don't forget to look in the mirror when you are searching for inspiration and strength, because you will find it there, looking right back at you.
Mrs Dex, Jenna - I just wanted to pop in and let you know how things are going for me. Jenna hope you are coping ok after your chemcial and Mrs Dex, where are you up to now?
AFM - well, I have decided to have the cerclage and go in Thurs 25th March. It was a really tough decision to make, as you all know from my tortured posts, but I am really comfortable with the decision I have made. It doesn't mean I am not just a wee bit anxious about the risks involved, but if things don't go to plan, I am am reasonably confident that I won't tie myself up in knots with self recriminations and guilt. I might for a little while, but not long term. I just really feel it is the right decision for me. Filled out the hospital admissions forms and spoke to the ob today.
It's odd though, despite feeling really comfortable with the decision, today I am feeling really sad and lonely.... I suppose just feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. I am teary and flat and just want to shut myself away from the world. Probably precipttated by some different feelings in my lower abdoment this morning which turned out to be wind but had me on the verge of calling the doctor after only the first different feeling. The feelings were distinctly different from the feelings Ihave had associated with pre term labour, but still enough to put me on edge and burst that lttle bubble of invincibility I somehow manage to build. Oh well its to be expected, just have to get through it. I am feeling so insular I didn't even want to come on to BB today and tell anyone nor share how I was feeling, but I made myself. Glad I did, don't feel so alone now. And of course the cats are keeping me company.
If I ever didn't know it before, I do today, I am an emotional eater. I just feel like getting all the naughties I can and just eating them. Pure decadence and indulgence. I haven't though
Not sure if I'm posting in the right place as I only joined up today. If I'm in the wrong place can someone point me in the right direction as I need an outlet after being told yesterday that my current pregnancy (only 5 weeks) is not viable and I should expect AF in the next couple of days. (still a no show ATM though). I hate waiting for AF, it doesn't seem right that I want it to come but at least it is another step closer to TTC again.
This is MC #5 (4th consecutive since my last child) and I hate that once again I am on this emotional roller coaster ride. I have 2 beautiful boys (5 & 3) that keep me going but I am once again questioning how many times I can put my head and heart through this. My boys continually ask for another brother or sister as we had just told them our pregnancy news (last year at 11 weeks pregnant) only to lose the baby 1 week later. How do I explain to them that we are trying everything we can.
I was referred to a FS last month after my 3rd consecutive MC and after a truck load of tests and scans (all came back clear) I was told to go home and TTC straight away. I conceived again the same month (I am extremely fortunate that so far I have always conceived easily) only to have my follow up BT show my HCG levels dropping not climbing. AAAGGGHHHH!!! I sometimes wish the HPT would show a BFN rather than continually getting my hopes up.
The other bad thing is that each MC now seems to be happening 2 weeks earlier than the previous MC. I am only at 5 weeks now and although still no sign of AF I have been told no chance for this pregnancy either.
Does anyone have any advice or positive stories to keep me going. How can I have 2 successful pregnancies and now soo many MC? I don't understand and 'bad luck' just doesn't seem to be an answer I'm comfortable accepting. Please send me some positive stories. Sorry for a long winded story I think I needed an outlet as I don't know anyone that could possible understand my heartache. Best of luck for all TTC.
OMG.... Sooooo much to catch up on. So very very sorry I have been MIA. Our internet connection is only up & running again just now after changing carriers. Oh how I have missed you girls... & access to the bank accounts! Phone banking drives me loopy!
Jenna, you poor love. I can totally identify with your frustration. I think your break will serve you well, time to greive & re group. Definatley see your doctor again too and like Dory suggested seek another opinion if you feel the need. I went to 4 different ones and only just found a brilliant gp before my 4th loss. I hope you are being kind to yourself & taking good care. Rest up & relax, my thoughts are with you and your angels x Keep in touch & I hope we have a super BFP story from you soon.
Dory! So much to catch up on! Wow! How far along are you now? (Forgive me for being vague lol) Your scan update sounds fantastic! So does the indulgent eating haha. Cerclage hey... Well love I think would have done it too and although its a bit of an unknown its another precaution that is worth attempting. Good for you love. Yes there are risks, but everything in this life comes with risks when u think about it so yeay for being brave Dory! 25th is not far away at all now...
Lovely to hear DH is a happy little camper too, how well deserved!
my2boys - your more than welcome to join us should you wish! I am so very very sorry for your losses. Its the hardest thing life can throw our way This thread started months ago now & at that stage Dory & myself were right in the middle of the rollercoaster ride. Things have somewhat changed since then. So you may or may not find yourself comfortable within this thread... Have a read & see how you get along. You may be quite happy here, Jenna is... & its lovely to be able to share all of our stories. Good & bad... You can always start a thread of your own if you wanted to, the BB members are a wealth of information! Of course I am only to happy to share my stories if they can be of any help to you at all! Thoughts & much love are with you at this harrowing time x
AFM 9 weeks tomorrow! Had a somewhat horrible experience at my last scan. Nurse had no idea how to use the machine, I kid you not! So I could go on forever, but I accepted that we saw a 1.5mm growth from the last scan that measured 8w 5d (I was 8w 4d when scanned) & we could still see a heart beat. I was quite content within myself regardless of the circumstances. Me + overly calm = a rare occurance! Lol. I will however mention the experience to my RMC doctor when I meet with her @ 12 weeks. That was a horrible "viability" scan experience and I don't wish it on anyone.
We told DS the news last week & he was elated to say the least! So I often have him talking to my tummy & asking me how "bubs" is. I never thought the day would come...
We are now taking weekly belly photos, DS & I together... Its funny. His little stick figure 12yo body next to mine. No weight gain yet but I'm sure its only a matter of time the way I am eating!
Great to catch up & I will no doubt be back again to check in on you all very soon. Good luck for the 25th Dory! Will be thinking of you all x
Just wondering if you did anything different from your previous pregnancies to have better luck with the progression of this pregnancy? Did your dr's diagnose anything that you had to change, did you change your diet? Just wondering if there is something else I should try changing or if I should just keep trying and hopefully one month soon my luck will change too.
It is soo hard when the dr's can't give me any answers. I would like to hear other successful pregnancy stories after recurrent mc to give me a bit of hope. If I don't know what I need to change prior to another pregnancy I don't know how I can hope for a different outcome.
Best of luck for a really sticky pregnancy for you and Dory.
jennjayen: sorry too for your loss. I know the feeling of trying to get your head back in the right place. It is so hard to do and there are too many reminders everyday of what could and should be.
Wishing us both truckloads of sticky baby dust in the future.
my2boys - I am so sorry that you received such devastating news......again. You can post here, but this is a small thread with just the fours of in it now
I don't think it gets any easier. My experiences are different to yours. My advice? Get your doctors to write out for you EVERY test you have had. Then there is a link to a whole heap of tests that might be relevant for women suffering recurrent miscarriage. I will insert the link at the end of this post. The other thing I recommend is that you see a specialist in recurrent miscarriage. I don't know of many. I know of one in Sydney - Dr Gavin Sachs at Syndey IVF. He does phone interviews, which is handy if you live out of NSW, and also is an advocate of reproductive immunology. It is an emerging and controversial field. From what I can gather the field of reproductive immunology first gained prominence through a Dr A Beer in the USA. He has written a book - is my body baby friendly, or its written by dr's at his institute.
I would also recommend that you ask about seeing a reproductive endocrinologist.
One way to hunt for these specialists is to go on the RANZOG website and search for an ob/gyn in your state, and they will often list their subspeciality under their names. The link is Locate an Obstetrician / Gynaecologist
The other way is to google and ask people here on BB. Ianna has provided a really good source of information - here is the link - it's in the recurrent m/c section. I often go back and re read it
Mrs Dex - I was getting so worried that you were MIA..... it was such a relief to hear from you. Sorry that the process was yukky, but good news on your scan. You must be so happy! When is your next one? Look at you 8 weeks. You must be so amazed.....
I will be 14 weeks on the day I have the cerclage - 25th March. It's weird, I am in kind of a no mans land at the moment. I feel a sense of achivement for finally reaching 12 weeks. I didn't think I would feel that way, but it seems, it has given me some reassurance, but then again so has seeing the little chicken on ultrasound.
But now, now I really feel like I am waiting to get to 24 weeks. In my particular circumstances, in the past, the period from 14 - 22 weeks is crucial. Any time before 24 weeks just leads to heartache.
For me, I am just now waiting on getting to the magical 24 weeks where the little chicken has some chance of survival if born extremely premature. And after 24 weeks, each day gestating is a bonus and the odds increase really rapidly after that.
I just had brown rice and salmon. I was starving. At least I am not hungry anymore, but I do wonder about why I found that combination so appealing today?
I have been have some unusual dreams lately. It might be an indicator that I am more anxious than I realise. In one of my dreams Amelia was alive and I was bathing her, but I was still pregnant in this pregnancy with the little chicken. In another dream I had to take my horse to the hospital ( the hospital nearest me with the neonatal intensive care unit) for some pathology and I took the horse up in the lift and met my best friend from school. I don't own a horse!
In another dream which appears to repeat itself, I am bathing my baby and for some reason leave the baby unattended in the bath to go and do something, and then remember and run back to the baby, to find that all is ok. Its funny though as the dream repeats itself, when I remember I have left the baby before, from the other dreams, and wonder why I keep doing it......
I seem to have found some zen and calm too. I thought I would be calling the Ob and seeking scans all the time, but I haven't, yet. Perhaps that time for me is fast approaching? Actually I find myself just not really expressing to anyone my fears and concerns. I suppose because I think they are normal and I can deal with them. It is weird though.
Telephone banking sends me loopy too! God to see you back here.
Jenna - thinking of you
Last edited by dory; March 22nd, 2010 at 11:29 AM.
: correction
Dory: thanks soo much for the link re. miscarriage. It has so much great information that I am going to print it out to take to my next FS appointment.
Most of the tests I have already had done but I really want to push the NK cells issue and question whether it is worth trying me on some of the medication/s listed in that thread. I know my doctor is probably going to think I am "a patient from hell" but at the end of the day what matters is getting a little bub that can stick around.
It is sad that so many of us are needing to become so informed on these issues to avoid the dreaded responses - "it's just bad luck" , "just go home and start trying again" or "it will happen". Doctors need to be more aware of the emotional involvement and toll the loss of a pregnancy/baby takes on it's patients. Friends and family also struggle to understand the rollercoaster it is for those of us hoping for a healthy pregnancy outcome.
So thank you for taking the time to reply to my thread. Although as you mentioned our circumstances have been totally different the information you have provided has been a great help. I am going to try tracking down a copy of the book you suggested also. It is through the support and information gained from forums such as this that will help get all of us through. Best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy!!!!! You deserve it.
Last edited by my2boys; March 22nd, 2010 at 08:26 PM.
My2boys - you are most welcome. I agree, it is just so heartbreaking that so many women and families experience this heartache. And its not a journey we start out thinking will apply to us.
I don't think your doctor will think you are the patient from hell. Good ones do understand the toll pregnancy loss takes as well as the courage it takes to try to find answers and ultimately to try again. Besides, in the end it doesn't matter because what matters is what you think and what you need.
Everyone find their way through in their own way, and hopefully we all find a doctor and group of doctors who can guide us in our journeys. I feel lucky that I have.
Thanks for the best wishes too. I am hoping too. Fingers crossed. For me I am in a bit of a hump period. Except for my first m/c which was a blighted ovum, my heartache occurs because I go into premature labour which can't be stopped and which occurs far too early for their to be any prospect of survival for my precious little ones. There are no answers for me. My little ones have each born alive, and I have had time with each of them. I feel so blessed, sad and heartbroken too, but blessed to have had the experiences I have had. The grief journey has also brought me many things I didn't expect, some of them even good things. Maybe its just the way I choose to look at things?
Oh you may not need to go to Sydney. One of the tests for NK cells involves a uterine bioposy at certain days of your cycle. Your FS could do the bioposy and send it to Sydney for the pathology. Oh have you also had an investigation of your uterine cavity, cervix and fallopian tubes and or a laparoscopy? Talk to your FS about it.
I hope you find some answers and get a sticky BFP. Keep me/us posted. It's always nice when someone gets some answers.
Hi guys. I would have posted last night but your posts made me cry. Not sad tears for me, but sad tears for all of you with everything you've been through. I'm so emotional atm, crying for no reason at all, and going overboard when crying for anything else.
Had a BT done last week, HCG levels were 27. Had another one yesterday, just waiting for a call now with the results, may not get it for a couple of days though as the doctor didn't list it as urgent. If the levels haven't completely disappeared, or have only risen slightly then I have to have a D&C again. Not what I really want though.
my2boys - I'm so sorry for your losses darl. I lost 4 before having my DS, and have lost another 2 this year. The ones before DS were all lost between 4 and 8 weeks, and this years ones have been before 5 weeks.
It is so hard, especially when you already have a child and suddenly you can't seem to keep even one little angel sticky enough to stay in there.
MrsDex - Yay on the good news! I'm with you on the bad scans, it was the same with my first angel. Totally incompetant person scanning me and not telling me anything then getting a doctor in to tell me what was wrong with my baby without preparing me for the bad news first. Not what my 17 year old self needed at the time. I hope your next scan is a much better experience!
afm - I had a job interview today! I think it well, I was completely honest, wore my favourite pieces of handmade jewellery that I make and had some good compliments on it which boosted my confidence a lot. It was my first interview in almost 2 years, the last one I had was when I was almost 12 weeks preg with DS. I was so nervous, but excited as well. It's only a few hours work a week, but it's something to take my mind off everything if I get the job.
Actually, after reading the other posts I'll edit my last post to say, all you women are amazing. I don't know what you are feeling because I have only lost one baby and have two beautiful kids, but I can empathise with all your plights.
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It makes me feel a bit better knowing that someone (like both of you) who has lost so much can have a miracle.
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