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Thread: Having a bigger break between babies

  1. #19

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    We have 22mths between Mason and Angus. I did find it hard as I basically couldn't put Angus down for weeks as Mason would sit on him. Maybe this is the reason that Angus is clingier at this age than Mason was. It was also stressful for me to do two in nappies, especially with Mason being later to be toilet trained so cloth nappies go the chuck.
    Hopefully Angus will be toilet trained or nearing it by the time the next one comes along. I was also considering waiting a bit longer and maybe planning on the next baby for when Mason starts in school but then the age gap may be a bit too big.


  2. #20

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    Well we too have both!

    Jordan was 2 mths off 5 when Josh was born, we didn't set out to have a big gap, but as we wanted to set ourselves up bf having more and by the time we both worked for awhile and brought a house and got engaged Jordan was 3 and a half and we decided we better do something about another. Josh was 3 and a half when Jemma was born. Both these gaps was great work load wise. It never phased me the bit about going back to it, I always knew I wanted more so it wasn't even something I thought of to be honest. Jordan was at kinder when Josh was born and I was working FT. Then when Jemma came along I gave up work and stayed home with Josh and Jemma. I felt great about his cos it gave me the time to spend with Josh before kinder, even though we had a baby at home too. He could do lots for himself at 3 and a half so no stress.

    When Jemma was 6mths we decided to have no. 4 and be finished by the time we were 30, and so by the time Jemma was 9 mths I was pg with Jessica. I don't think I was any tireder than any other pg, because I always worked while pg anyway. Jemma was in clothe nappies and I didn't see this as a drama. Josh was in kinder for most of my pg and that was prob the hardest bit cos kinder is terrible for being an in and out yr, and having a 1 yr old and being pg/having the baby in Sept made it tougher. Luckily for me Jemma tooilet trained in the 3 mths after jessica came along, but I found that as I was home and not working it wasn't as hard as my parenting had been when I was working, even with the 4 kids.

    We were concerned for Jemma, being the one who had a close sibling, that she would miss out, but I don't believe she has and to watch the 2 littlies play together is priceless. Jordan and Joshua do argue a bit but I am not sure it wouldn't be the same even if they were close.

    I liked the big gap and maybe if i had of had 2 close together first up we may not have had 4. Who knows.

    Hope that helps you Kelly!
    Cheers michelle

  3. #21

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    We ave almost 7 yrs between our 2!
    Not by choice, but it's actually good... maddy is at school & I get all day with Indah, then I get Maddy to do her reader etc to both Indah & I, whilst I feed & then Indah goes to Daddy while Maddy & I do something, like walk to milkbar or whatever!!!
    It's not how we planned it, but it's actually fine...
    But I think I will try for 1 more in July/August!!!!

    I also must say i feel better prepared this time & the night feeds etc are enjoyable time with Indah...

  4. #22

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    There will be almost six years to the day between mine. The gap was necessary to be on my own and then find my wonderful DH. I would like another one 2-3 years after this one ... but DH says he only wants the one more ... we'll see

  5. #23
    cazoraz Guest

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    We have 22months between our two, and I'm quite happy with the age gap. We planned it this way as its my easiest year at uni this year so having another baby fit in well, I didnt have to take any time off at all. Plus if I waited til I had finished uni and establishe dmy teaching career, we would have at least a 6yr gap which I personallyy thought was too big.

    The first few weeks were hard while Lucy adjusted to sharing mummy, but she loves her little 'brudda' so much, its adorable. i'm really glad I had them close together so they can be friends. I grew up with lots of sisters all close in age and it was great.

    xxxCaz

  6. #24

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    I've been thinking about it lately (*L* yup, and I haven't even had the 1st one quite yet!) and I'm hoping DH will be agreeable with a 3-4yr gap.

    One of my main motivations for wanting this kind of gap is that I was SO sick with M/S during this pregnancy that I'm not sure I could cope with a 2yr old if I was to have bad M/S with the next pregnancy. I had a three year gap between me & my sister and then another 4 year gap to my younger twin brothers. I used to love taking care of my younger siblings when I was a child.

  7. #25
    cazoraz Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beckibee
    One of my main motivations for wanting this kind of gap is that I was SO sick with M/S during this pregnancy that I'm not sure I could cope with a 2yr old if I was to have bad M/S with the next pregnancy.
    hey becka, I was worried about this too as I was quite sick with Lucy and lost heaps of weight ealry one. but I actually found it was good having a toddler around to look after cos it kept my mind off it, and I had a lot less time to feel sorry for myself, I just had to keep going, so that crappy feeling soon passed before I knew it!

    Hope you're not sick next time and dont have to worry about it!
    xxxCaz

  8. #26

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    This is really interesting to me, my dd will be turning 6 next month so we will probably have a 7year gap or possibly more!

    I worry about the big difference, but I know that I will be able to involve DD with bathing, feeding etc.

    I worry about being used to no night time feeds, but then, DD usually wakes during the night anyway so having to do night time feeds should be no different (hopefully)

    I worry sometime that because DD has spent all this time being an only child, how will she adjust to our new life. How will she cope with people arriving to see the 'new' baby, bringing gifts etc... This is a biggie with me at the moment, DH's family are really into lavishing all the attention on whichever of their children have the youngest baby! The last thing I need is them arriving on my doorstep a dozen times a day to see the new addition, especially when they dont make much effort to see my DD now.

    This subject is something i think about a lot, yet I can't remember anything else at the moment!

    Nic

  9. #27

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    nic,
    I camn say that Maddy felt really upset & hurt about a week before Indah's due date. We had gone to a family party & EVERYONE asked her if she was excited about the new baby coming!
    When we got home, I heard her crying in her room (She was also VERY tired!)
    When I asked what was wrong she said "why did everyone ask me about the baby, but not ask how I was!?"
    I realised then that although she is/was excited about the baby, that's really all anyone ever talked about!
    So I made a focused effort to talk to her about her for the neext few weeks til Indah was born, I also now m ake sure I have asked about school, tease her about her boyfriend etc, etc!!!
    But she adores Indah & I think the gap is fine!!!
    Didnt have much choice really, cant turn back time!!!

  10. #28

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    Thanks for that Tracey, I will have to remember to make sure that not only us but everyone else has some sort of 'focus' on DD.

    We had thought of buying DD a present from the baby, but I don't know if she would be getting a little too old for this??

    Nic

  11. #29

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    I don't think your dd is too old to get a big sister present. I think Tracey is right, the key is to make sure that the other children are not left out and while they are terrific helpers at the start that does wear off unfortunately. Reassurance and ensuring she gets attention and knows she is important, and I think you'll all be fine.

    Cheers michelle

  12. #30

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    Thanks Michelle!! I like the sound of a "Big Sister present"
    Will definately remember that one.

    Nic

  13. #31

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    Through choice we have an 8 year gap between our daughter and son. Initially I wasn't keen to have another child because we had virtually no support from our families (interstate and elderly). I also kinda knew my limitations and didn't think I could handle having two little ones at home at once. I don't drive and felt very isolated with my first child when she was a baby. Then when she was 4 I decided to return to uni to finish a degree I'd started as a school-leaver... that delayed further children. During my 3 years of study I worked part time at my daughter's school in their Early Learning Centre. It had a 0-2 room as well. I ended up working there for 5 years and learnt so much. Anyhow I graduated whilst pregnant with my second child! It's all been wonderful in terms of how my daughter really enjoyed the arrival of DS and how helpful she is. Now she is nearly 11 she changes his nappy, takes him for walks around the block, has a bath with him and gets driven to despair at times just like me so we commiserate together. I feel they have a very special bond which is far better than the years of fighting and competition that I had with my sister (2 years younger). Having said that we are TTC now and it will be intersting to see how the dynamics change!

  14. #32

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    Nic,
    We gave maddy a tamagotchi from Indah, she'd accidentally put her first tamagotchi in the dofs water when filling the water bowl... So really wanted another....
    She was also given a book about big sisters etc from my friend, so she felt quite special...
    She told me this morning that she is still surprised, coz she always dreamt of being a big sister & sometimes she thinks she has just dreamed we have Indah, but when she realises it's true, she said she feels so happy!

    I am sure you'll be fine!!!!

  15. #33

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    We have an 8 year (plus 1 day) gap between our two. Although we planned to have them 3 years apart, nature chose otherwise.

    I love the fact that I had quality time with Vivienne whilst she was young and we have built a great relationship together. She is such an amazing girl - strong and confident, yet loving, helpful, caring and sensitive.

    She loves Blake with all her heart and enjoys being a big sister, although at times she finds it hard having to adapt her life to fit in her little brother. I explained to her only this morning that it can be hard with someone else in the family and that it affects all of us - Mummy and Daddy too, but I wouldn't want to change things and not have Blake. We are lucky to have someone else to love, and to love us.

    It is a matter of making sure each child gets quality time, and ensuring the older child (and the younger one when they are older) gets to do things they love with their parents - and I find particularly just me as Viv misses her time with her Mum.

    We are however talking about number 3, and I hope that Blake will be no more than 18 months old when '3' arrives. Although it will be tiring having 2 under 2 and being around 37 years old, there's always enough love to go around and I'm sure we'll make it work for everyone.

    Oh yeah, we also gave Viv presents from Blake. It too was a Tamagochi - Viv had been wanting one for months, so it was something really special from her baby brother. She also got presents from my mum for being a big sister (even though the day he was born it was her birthday). They need to feel special and know they're special, and not just been in the background.

  16. #34

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    wow that is so similar to us it's scary! Little Blake even looks like our DS when he was first born! And yes, I forgot to add that my DD also says she misses the Mummy/daughter time we used to have, especially shopping!!!

  17. #35

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    I was thinking that maybe DD would be getting a little old for a present from the baby, but now I'm confident that it is a good idea. Thanks ladies!!

    Nic

  18. #36

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    I had a 30 month gap between DD#1 and DD#2. I found that it was a lot better to have them close and the gap is the same as between my sister and me. But there is an almost 9 year gap between DD#2 and DD#3. This has been amazing. Shannen is almost 12 and helps so much and Tayla is 9 and loves being a big sister! The getting used to lack of sleep and all of that hasnt been too bad, and I have found that most of what I thought was horrible with the others, I just love. I am not sure if I am more relaxed or what it is but I just love being a mum again. We did the big sister presents too, the girls both got a silver bracelet from their sister, which they just love! I wouldnt mind having another but think that I am getting too old now. We also worked out that Shannen will be doing Year 12 when Hayley starts prep, scary!!

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