Teni, it's your baby, you get to decide what you do and don't want. If writing a list is going to make it easier for you, then go for it - you might actually find that just writing the list and not even giving it to people is cathartic enough for you. I think that addressing these things as they come up might be easier for you though - I know that assertion is an issue for you as you've mentioned - I am exactly like you, really, I struggle to assert myself. But since DD has come along, if there is something someone is doing that I don't like - I have no qualms telling them so and DH has commented on how I have come out of myself. But I just feel so fiercely protective of her and yes, there are things that I don't want people doing - like handling her when they have been smoking. My parents came over when she was 4 weeks old and they smoke like chimneys and I told them that they didn't get cuddles after they'd had a cigarette. Mum rolled her eyes on many occasions but she soon got the message.

As I said before. YOUR baby, YOUR rules hun