just an little "unnecessary intervention" vent

[Patooties]

I will admit to having given BG rep points with regards to her posts. It's not that i wasn't brave enough to say anything, more that BG is able to voice her opinion, and one that I agree with, more eloquently than I. Thanks BG. I understood exactly where you are coming from.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I had VERY medicinalised care for DS - something that I didn't want, but DH pushed all the way. I didn't get a say because he DID decide what was going to happen to me - then wussed out when he saw what those evil people did to me. Not his fault. Oh no. He just didn't want me to give birth.

I had constant measurements - too big baby and too small bump. Told off for both.

I was even told off for being "too relaxed" - pregnancy is, of course, a state of stress and we all NEED to give ourselves pre-eclampsia: I'm sure the midwives would have raised my blood pressure if they could. Good thing I knew enough to ignore them.

Pregnancy, 99% of the time, is not an illness. There are times you need the doctor but in most pregnancies you could go from conception to birth all by yourself, without dates, without bullies, without being told what to do.

BG, you do have a pregnancy-related illness that is not in any way your fault. And you're doing the right thing discussing with your carers (you seem to be getting care, wonders never cease) what is going to happen that is the best thing for you and the baby. But I'll be honest, I got no discussion whatsoever.

As for "growing balls the second time around." What are you thinking? That I just lie there and say "chop me up without permission please?" That I didn't fight tooth and nail? Just shut up before I get really upset about that. Just because I now have a REASON not to tell DH about any pregnancy or labour doesn't mean I did the wrong thing by letting him know about Liebling. He needed a chance to fail, don't anyone dare tell me that I should ignore my child's father on a whim and not concrete evidence.

[Tegam]

1) Pregnancy, 99% of the time, is not an illness. There are times you need the doctor but in most pregnancies you could go from conception to birth all by yourself, without dates, without bullies, without being told what to do.


2) As for "growing balls the second time around." What are you thinking? That I just lie there and say "chop me up without permission please?" That I didn't fight tooth and nail? Just shut up before I get really upset about that.

i dont know how to multi quote....

1) here here

2)Are you telling yourself to stop talking by saying shut up or the rest of us in this thread?

also

Do you really believe that you couldnt get a better birth for yourself next time (if there was to be a next time)...Thats all i meant about women tending to have a more positive 2nd birth experience, that whilst you can fight tooth and nail the 1st time.....2nd time you know the system better to fight maybe not harder but more strategically? If the answer is no to that question than i guess that the system is stuffed and there is no hope in making it better for others........... That would be a really sad future for all ourselves, our sisters and daughters!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

The ONLY reason I will give birth should I have another child is because I will not be in the system. I worked for it. I knew what it was like. And ANYONE suggesting I could have done better, even with hindsight or the next time around, should be bound and gagged before I attack them. The only way I could improve and give birth is by not telling DH I'm pregnant and/or in labour.

The system is stuffed, there is no hope for any woman who enters therein. Which is why I am pushing freebirth being a more acceptable alternative to torture.

[Nelle]

Ryn, I acknowledge that you found your first birth experience to be beyond awful. I am convinced however, that there could be a way for your second birth (if you have another bub) to be different, as in better, without needing to freebirth. Now, I don't know what that would take, I don't know the UK system. It might take a lot. You might need to hire an expensive midwife/doula, you might need to birth in a different country (can't tell you how often I've dreamed of moving to NZ just for the birthing options!).
Edited out my story, a bit personal, and it's served its purpose.
I hope this doesn't offend you or anything, and I'm sure our experiences aren't really comparable, but I just wanted to share, and encourage you (and others who may have also had un-fun experiences) that I'm sure you can have a good birth after an awful birth.

[Midwifemum]

I am a hospital based midwife who has seen it all. The birth disasters caused by hospital/midwife/Dr incompetence. I have participated in lots of beautiful, empowering hospital births.I have looked after woman brought in after home birth disasters. I have cared for women who have had terrible medicalized (hamburger with the lot) births who have been very happy, some very unhappy. I have cared for women who have had very straight forward normal births who have been very traumatized by the whole thing.
Everyone makes choices about birth that are right for them given the information they are given.
I believe in making informed choices. The information may come from many varied sources.
I am a childbirth educator keen to help women prepare for birth. The biggest factor I see that undoes the best laid out birth plans is an inability to cope with labour pain and the choices surrounding pain relief.
Unfortunately some of the women entering hospital to give birth are like lambs to the slaughter.
I am offering workshop based, small group, childbirth education to anyone interested in preparing for birth. I can't promise a perfect, normal, intervention free birth, but I can help women avoid some of the pitfalls associated with hospital based births. My email is francesj@dcsi.net.au if anyone is interested. The classes are held in Warragul.

[Tegam]

1) And ANYONE suggesting I could have done better, even with hindsight or the next time around, should be bound and gagged before I attack them.


2) The only way I could improve and give birth is by not telling DH I'm pregnant and/or in labour.

3) The system is stuffed, there is no hope for any woman who enters therein. Which is why I am pushing freebirth being a more acceptable alternative to torture.

1) very strong words......but refer to points 2 and 3...You say you couldnt do better then point out two ways you have identified how you could??? And then contiuned to say that you would attck someone for pointing them out....... Lucky that these forums give us all a chance to say what we feel in a SAFE and RESPECTFUL environment!

2) option 1 for a better birth....

3) option 2 for a better birth.....

Nelle... i too have had a none planned freebirth...

I feel that freebirth is NOT something that people should discuss lightly and infact advocate it without experiencing

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

That's why I wanted to experience a freebirth with DS and why I will with any future pregnancies. It seemed like bliss when I was pg. In fact, I enjoyed the labour I had when the midwives were too busy to check in on me. I liked doing it on my own. In fact, I kept wandering "to the loo" for 10-15 minutes at a time so I could be on my own. I didn't WANT anyone else there.

I won't make any more comments.

[Tegam]

I hope beyond words that you get the birth you want next time Rosehip and that it also brings with it some amount of healing!

I also hope that you can find the strength to have another baby after the trauma you have clearly experienced.... Good luck!

[berrme]

I was even told off for being "too relaxed" - pregnancy is, of course, a state of stress and we all NEED to give ourselves pre-eclampsia: I'm sure the midwives would have raised my blood pressure if they could. Good thing I knew enough to ignore them.

Would just like to point out that you don't give yourself pre-eclampsia. I was perfectly relaxed about my pregnancy until I got preeclampsia... that made me stressed.

[Tegam]

Hey Rory....ever thought that your thread would get this response