Veus; Thank you. I will try to use some of your words daily to try and make my mind right.

Arcadia; I guess I could maybe hire an independent midwife... Have to look into that. Living quite regionally poses a bit of a dilemma I think. But, I really should investigate it, shouldn't I? The "staying home" is a little more tempting than going to hospital. But, I know the Man is not a fan of home births, *just in case something goes wrong*. Having said that, he's not a fan at all of intervention (that I can gather), and would be my most fervent supporter in hospital. My fainting is not just from things being done to me. The mere thought of things is enough to drive me to pass out (not just hospital stuff. Learning about the cartilage between bones in school has been enough for me to faint). The pain of being stitched was just plain traumatic, I probably wished I had fainted to be away from the pain. I doubt that I can turn down having stitches, can I? For the first two pg's (during the pg, not sure about labour), my blood pressure was usually good. I hope it's not depression, it's hard to convince doctors that it isn't (if it isn't). They just seem interested in a depression label and pills. I have been scared for a long time of taking anti-depressants, it wasn't until I reached the bottom in October 2010 that I didn't care about pills anymore (but still managed not to get them). Thank you.

Charlotte91; Thank you. I appreciate it.

RhiChiChi; I don't know how to properly "debrief" about the births. Who to? As I said in my short post, I am going to a different hospital for this birth. I would actually probably rather go back to the one where I had the other two, instead of going to this one. This one (hospital and ob) just both feel like such a let down. I mean, they are not even capable of filling in my VMR. At all. The most they can manage is writing my next appointment on the back when I really push them. I have absolutely NOTHING in my VMR, so I can't even present myself anywhere for adequate care. Would it be of benefit to try and speak to the head of the maternity ward? (I'm actually worried it's one of the mw's I encountered in December and didn't like!) Would they be willing to support me in what I want (or rather DON'T want) given my lack of appointments with my ob (and RH negative shots, etc)? Thanks heaps.

Footsteps; Thank you also.

AngelPants; Thank you. I just want peace.

Traveller; I have no idea if this hospital offers that, how do I find out? I don't know what to ask for.

I guess I really need to sit down with the Man and have a talk to him about all this. He knows I'm nervous, as I was with the other two, I'm just not sure if he knows really how I feel about it all (as in, everything above). I'm not worried about talking to him about it, though I do feel a little silly, it's just a matter of finding a good time (read: enough guaranteed undisturbed time) to talk about it. Maybe as a start I could just get him to read this.