I am pregnant with my third and I have had two normal births, labour not as long as yours, needed some internal stitches but nothing really awful compared to what some women have gone through to have their little ones. Didn't stop me being irrationally afraid of giving birth again though! I had a morbid fear of tearing again (even though I healed ok) but 18 weeks in I am in a good place. I have read so many many empowering books, I am meditating and practising Yoga at home as well as eating and resting well. This has got me too a point where I am now not only unafraid of the birth but actually less anxious than I was prior to falling pregnant. You need to feel more empowered and in control See if you can borrow some books, Sarah Buckley's are amazing, The Good Birth Companion by Nicole Croft and Why every woman deserves a doula by Susan Ross (great book even if you aren't having a Doula). They are so empowering and educational. It sounds like your partner is on board with "defending" you against unwanted medical interference at the birth and that is great, mine is being briefed on it too.
Please take care of yourself mentally, you need to work at chasing your anxiety away as I have done (mostly) with mine as the fear will make your birth experience less positive...