At the moment i am thinking e). I am the one who has to be pregnant, labour and birth this child and live with the consequences (physical & mental) of the pregnancy, labour and birth. Why should i (how can i) delegate that decision in any way to someone else? I do worry that going this way may harm our relationship, but i worry more that if i don't listen to my inner self and make decisions that work for me this time, and then something goes wrong that the relation will be hurt even more.

My first birth i was probably b) or d). trying to be a good girl and please everyone else. if everything had gone ok, or if i felt comfortable that the decision was right (even if things hadn't gone ok), i wouldn't even be thinking about it. Because it didn't, i am frustrated with myself for not doing what i wanted.

i'm still digesting some of the comments, and i thank you for responding. Gotta feeling it may be a little while before i have it all worked out in my own head.