Macca
I think because we are told so much about the instantaneous bond that is supposed to happen when we have a baby - that when it doesn't we start questioning everything, and feeling guilty. I have three children, all have been delivered by c-section. When I had my daughter, the bond was pretty instant - well as instant as it could be - a quick look, off to recovery, and finally held her in my arms 2 hours later. My mum got to hold her before me! I was absolutely itching to get to her. My first son was completely different - i went into labour at 36weeks, had an emergency c-section, while I was in recovery he went into respiratory distress, and I didnt see him again until 10hours later. It took a lot longer to connect to Nathan... and I spent lots of time asking what was wrong with me, and trying to figure out the mystery of this little male person that had come into my life. Having only had a sister, and a daughter, my experience with little boys was completely alien. I wish I had something like BB to ask why and seek reassurance...
It wasn't until I stopped trying to figure out the mystery of his maleness, and just accepted him for the miracle that he was, that I was able to finally feel connected. He is my sensitve beautiful boy, who has so much love and heart that it still never ceases to amaze me. I watch him now, with his baby brother, and know in my heart that just because I didn't feel connected to him from the get go, that it hasn't affected him in any way. Be kind to yourself, and give your self some time to get to know this amazing little person who has entered your life. You have not only just had major surgery, but undertaken the biggest challenge any human can have - the moulding of another human being. It will come, that feeling of being connected, just give it some time. in the mean time, keep talking to people, keep asking questions, and keep breathing.
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