VENT: my child talking about suicide on Christmas Day

[Gigi]

thanks, it IS heartbreaking Bella and BD. She spent quite a bit of today depressed. Very lonely xmas for her with no kids to play with. Her father had hardly any food at his home - very empty fridge, like he hadn't even done the weekly shop, it was a weird xmas. She liked her presents. The focus at xmas is being surrounded by family, different age groups (cousins, grandparents), sharing special food. She's very aware that's not our reality. She's all of a sudden very angry, about things like, not going on amusement rides at public events e.g xmas lights. This has been the same every year, and she's never made a fuss before. Now all of sudden, she's angry about missing out.

[Gigi]

BD, we do projects together. She loves art and craft especially. We made xmas decorations together (paper chains and snowflakes), xmas eve we made gingerbread together. Tonight we started using the large french knitter i gave her for xmas, and she's keen to continue that project tomorrow morning - when i work out if i'm using it correctly.

So many things she got for xmas involve art, craft, beginner sewing. She loves drawing quite detailed pictures, drew some lovely xmas cards.

TOday we did her xmas jigsaw, opened a small Mecanno set (she loves using spanner etc), watched first part of Singing in the Rain (she loves movies with dancing in them).

we do these things, she enjoys them, but still comes out with suicidal ideation comments, in the middle of doing a project. Whatever i'm doing, it's not enough. All the hugs, kisses and i love you's from me, are not sufficient to make her feel loved and love herself. Not fishing here, just saying what i'm thinking and feeling.