Danielle- wow.. i sure know how it feels to have so much happening. Let me spill you mine to maybe have you feel slightly better, or atleast know that others out there have had a ****ty time too ...

June 2006 we started the ball rolling for building our dream home on our block of land. Started trying for bubby #2 sept 2006, succeeded 1st time. 20 week scan found out the news we wanted to hear, our baby was a boy... we would have one of each.

At 21 weeks my fiance was crushed in a machine at work, basically died. He had 4 spinal fracture's, small bowl herniated through his abdo wall, scrotum sack cut in half, various serious lacerations, his whole mid section de-gloved and moved approx 5cms to the left. He was in a coma for 2 weeks.

Our house was schedualed to be started on the wednesday of that week, he had his accident on the tuesday.

Then on the thursday i got a call from my midwife saying i had tested positive for CMV and i had to have an appt the following week to possibly have a termination! :O

I can not even start to describe the feelings and state of mind i had that week!

So, after preassure from the builder's and advice of the dr's telling me my man want going to make it i had to make the decision to cancel the building of our home!

So, step by step luckily my man came thorugh, and with alot of love and me tending to his side, we got through his accident, as well as have scans every 3 weeks for the dr's to keep checking if our son was showing signs of congiental cmv. Anyhow, we got to the birth, our son was just perfect but got shipped away from us for testing.... THANKFULLY.. my body took the brunt of the whole infection and we areso greatful!

So, then it was just a case of getting on with life, with what it had given us!

So now, here we are almost 2 years since the accident (happened in feb 2007), we are now selling the block of land, it is the final chapter of that dream which is well and truly gone..... life has changed so much since then.... and we figure we build new dreams. We are still renting, as we had no choice after his accident, due to everything that happened, i suffered badly with depression after my sons birth, so havent lost any weight i put on with him and my daughters pregnancy, SO.. although ideally i would ahve loved to have lost my wieght before going for #3, and for getting married... im also following my heart..... and my heart is screaming for a baby so bad....

To add to this btw, our son is very small for his age and we only recently found out why. He at some stage got infected with giardia. It is parasite found in dirty water, now we dont have a tank, we dont go swimming in rivers, we dont go camping...so the dr is totally bemused as to how he got it, but it has meant he is way to small... he is 18 months and only 8.5 kg's!!

He has been treated, and now i just have to fatten him up. but still very hard.

You follow your heart, dont worry about anyone else...... they arent living your life!

Me-well i am anxiously waiting for NEW YEARS EVE lol im really hoping DF's swimmer's wernt affected by the accident and we fall easily like the 2 times before..... seeing as we are only trying once this month lol. Part of me feels crazy for wanting another one right now..... as things are so crazy and hectic BUT... if the accident hasnt taught us anything, it doesnt matter what is going on RIGHT NOW, cause anything can happen.

When we fell with DS, we were smooth sailing, in the process of building, house woiuld of been finished for his arrival..... but life had other plans instore for us!

Ok i have no idea why iw rote all this, i hope this helped omewhat!

It is so great we have eachother here cause i dont have anyone either... apart from the fact i dont have many friends really if any, my mum thinks im crazy to try now... wants me to wait... my MIL well a whole nother story.

lol