Marydean, I am really sorry you are having to go through this. I think all of the PPers have given you some good support and advice.

I just wanted to add a couple of things - not sure how helpful, but I hope a little bit - I know you didn't post this on a BC forum, but I work "in the biz" and I hope you don't mind me drawing your thoughts to BC survival and survivorship. I am sure you have heard these terms before in your BC experience, but your words and what you are going through struck a chord with me. Because so many more women than ever before survive BC (b/c of earlier detection and better treatments) this means that there are millions of women now surviving post BC, and many of them feel that they are not sure what to do next, how to live their lives, and how to adjust, especially when the common expectation is that you will just get back to normal and pick up where you left off so to speak. As you probably know, this rarely happens, and women are often left feeling inadequate to cope with their altered image and even sometimes an altered persona. This new phenomenon is also producing much research into how to offer assistance for women in this phase.

Sorry to ramble, but I guess I wanted to let you know that I think how you are feeling is completely normal and understandable, and may be part of the adjustment and reality check of your new life after BC. Your treating hospital perhaps had a breast care nurse who could put you in touch with psychology if you wanted to do that? Believe me, it is a very common state of mind. I know you will be fine and you will get through this phase, but it may take a little bit of time. As others have aid, be kind to yourself and get yourself pampered, it can only help! You deserve it.

to you