Why is it we blame the community and not the people or better yet ourselves?

[Junglemum]

i dunno, it takes a bit to phase me, i generally shake me head and step away if something is going to get my back up. Not IRL mind you, but i don't really like arguing/discussing seriously over the computer. I rely heavily on facial expressions, body language to read a person's intentions behind their words. I find on the computer i often don't see where some posts/threads are coming from. And i suppose that is one of the reasons for people getting their backs up about things, it's easy to take things the wrong way on a computer screen. For example, i know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it comes from deep inside me and i can't control it! I am a smart arse by nature. People who have met me, generally 'get' me, but i find often others don't. I don't really connect with people on-line. Maybe b/c i don't offer much of myself to cyber space.
Anyway i digress....

I have noticed when people are feeling vulnerable, a little on edge, upset, they react much more strongly to things that perhaps when they are feeling stronger and more confident they'd let go iykwim. If i'm feeling down, i avoid posting, some people post more. Guess we're all different.

And i have to say Kaileysmummy, i admit to shaking me head at a few of your posts , please forgive my honesty, but i stand up and applaud your one in this thread. Good on you.

To be honest i haven't really noticed a shift in attitude, maybe that's the whole mushroom thing again. But i honestly think if an on-line forum is upsetting you and effecting your daily life then maybe you need to think about stepping back a bit.

[Glamourcide]

If i'm feeling down, i avoid posting, some people post more. Guess we're all different.

I'm exactly the same on that one, Junglemum. Many's the time I've had to step away from the computer for anything from a few hours until I've cooled down, to a few weeks when I'm going through some IRL stuff and find that online stuff is just adding unnecessary stress and I'm not feeling capable of handling it in the best way I can. I'm very proud to be able to say this, as it's not something I would have done just a couple of years ago - I have had to learn that the world isn't going to end if I don't get the last word, that things blow over and nobody is going to sit at their computer months later laughing behind my back that I was the coward who bowed out of a discussion when I had flared up and been shot down, itms. I've learned when to hold my tongue and ignore something that's irritating me rather than taking the bait.

Thanks, Rouge To follow on from your schoolyard analogy, I have to say that I agree - although in my case (and here I am actually talking about my school years and not a forum lol), I did find fault with particular groups rather than individuals - ie, I have a problem with Kelsey and Sarah, but instead of being mad at just them, I'll hate on their whole group just because they're 'guilty by association' or the girls' friends will either sit back and watch them pick on me, or will join in, itms. In high school, I did end up changing schools because at the time I felt that I had zero support from anybody - so I decided that the abuse to which I was being subjected was not only the fault of the perpetrators themselves, but I blamed every other pupil AND the teachers and admin because not one of them stepped in to help me when I was vulnerable, itms... so I guess I can understand why it's common for people to fault a whole community rather than take issue with particular individuals, especially if they feel that they're being 'ganged up on', so to speak. Why aren't other individuals stepping in to speak up for me? Why is everybody either sitting idly by and watching this occur, or jumping on the bandwagon and hurting me as well?

[Phteven]

hmmm, I'm not sue that I agree that BB has changed a great deal. I think that people change and they assume that the change is with BB when it's actually with them. Since I've been here we've grown a lot (numerically) and become less focused on the 'earth mothery' stuff. Now we have spaces for parenting routines & programs, c-section support, formula feeding support and a whole heap of other niche areas. Even though the forum has grown in all these ways I think that on the whole the philosophy of providing a safe space for parents to discuss parenting remains. Nothing is closer to a parent's heart than their children so a parenting forum is bound to see emotions running high sometimes, which means that there is a fine line to tread between allowing an adult discourse and keeping the forum peaceful.
Me, I don't blame the community. I put myself through uni working in bars and nightclubs so I know very well that 'there is one in every crowd' and when the crowd is large like BellyBelly is then there will be more than one. I guess to me the thing that is puzzling is those members who feel that they have to go on a mission to change BB and do so by trying to stir up other members and rally support for their 'cause'. I really don't understand their motivation.

Rouge, I'm disappointed by the lack of daisy chains and kumbaya but that's ok because I've got Sunshine and Lolliops....

ETA - maybe I do have my days where I blame the community.I certainly have found myself thinking 'why the hell does everyone take things so personally?' when really I should be thinking 'oops so and so took that really personally maybe I should try to remember that next time'.

ETA 2 - I don't have an ignore list. I don't need one. If I don't like a person I find it hard to interact with them.

[Inanna]

Yep I'm another under the Bodhi tree in my tie dyed skirt, plaits, kumbaya, peace pipe & yes daisy chains...

[Liz]

oh... and on a side point... I didn't think mods/admin would have ignore lists? How does one get on these? I could let loose and no mods would see! hahahah

[Phteven]

oh... and on a side point... I didn't think mods/admin would have ignore lists? How does one get on these? I could let loose and no mods would see! hahahah

We'd still be able to read the reports about you